WHY NERDS ARE WORTH IT
Reason #1: They’re well educated. You won’t have to listen to him go on about his car. Ok, he doesn’t own a car, but if he did you’re positive he wouldn’t go on talking about it. She had learned long ago not to interrupt his knock sequence, but tonight she could care less. “What Sheldon?” She asked, yanking the door open half way through the second Penny. If she had been in a better mood she would have found it funny or even cute how he faltered and seemed confused as to why she had opened the door. Gathering himself, he stood to his full 6 foot whatever height and gave her what she knew passed as a smile for him. “Good evening Penny. You’re looking…Well you’re looking as if it was not such a good evening.” He said in a rare moment of normalcy. “Sheldon you have to the count of three to tell me what you want before I go back to my rum and movie.” “Fine, I find myself in need of a ride.” She tried to interrupt him here to tell him to ask Leonard, “I would have asked Leonard but he has managed to earn two strikes tonight, and he was unresponsive to my desires.” It may have been the dread that came from him looking as if he was about to go into detail about the circumstances which earned his roommate the two strikes, but she found herself in her car on the way to the grocery store. If she had thought giving in and giving him a ride would spare her a mixed lecture of driving regulations and what went in to his decision to assign these two strikes she was shit out of luck. “You see, since it was the second Thursday of the month it was clearly the day that they were assigned to change their food orders to ensure that we would not tire of the menu provided by our favored establishment. She didn’t care about the Thai night agreement that they had each signed and bore witness too, she didn’t care that he had not asked why her face looked like a punching bag, and she certainly didn’t care that she hadn’t been invited to Thai night so that she could change her weekly order. All she cared about was shutting him up, and maybe finding an open liquor store. “Sheldon, how hot is it in hell?” Where the hell had that come from? Oh it didn’t matter where it came from if it stopped him talking about the difference between placing their order at 5:30 vs. 5:48. She should have known that the blissful silence would only last so long. He was simply figuring out the best way to present his theory. When would she learn that you never silence a nerd with a science question let alone Sheldon? From the corner of her eye she noticed him take a breath in preparation for what was sure to be a long, dull explanation. “Well the first question that needs to be asked is if Hell is exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat).” He said, taking the time to explain what each of those terms meant. “It would be easy to apply Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) to your query, but in light of your present mood I will attempt to amuse you.” All of this was said in such a scientific way that she almost missed his small attempt to make her feel better. “First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.” “Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.” They had reached the store and were walking through the aisles grabbing various items, and she realized that she was actually following his explanation of rapt attention. “Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.” Every once and a while he glanced down at her to either make sure she was following or to make sure she was appreciating his attempt at being a good friend. “This gives two possibilities.” He stopped to pay the cashier. All thoughts of rum and what John or whatever his name was had done, were gone. “1 If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. #2 Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.” “So which is it?” Here he stopped his theory and looked at her as if he were waiting for an actual answer. She should have known that even this watered down version would be over her head. It just went to prove that she really wasn’t good enough for him. ‘Wait? Good enough for him?’ She was almost so lost in her musings that she didn’t hear him start up again. “If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic.” He ended with a small smile directed towards her. When was she going to learn that he was more perceptive and witty than anyone gave him credit for? When would she learn that there hadn’t been any strikes? That he had merely noticed the slamming of her front door well before the time a good date would have ended? When would she learn that maybe nerds, or just that he was worth it? AN: This hasn’t been beta’d and I started it in Geology class and now it’s 1am, so please excuse any spelling or grammar errors. You should thank my Geology professor for the lovely question of “How hot is it in hell”, and you should thank the ever wonderful google for the sarcastic response that Sheldon gave. Yes instead of writing my paper I wrote this. Very productive if you ask me. I know it wasn’t as long as some of you would have liked, but I still have to come up with my own answer of How Hot Hell Is.
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