ALIEN INVASION OF SOUTH PARK
Chapter Three "Now," the Doctor said as they stood in front of the ramp. "Let's make one thing perfectly clear here. We are not going to be loud, rude and swear while we're in the spaceship. We are going to behave with decorum because if you lot are the reason we are captured and killed, I will regenerate and kick your arses straight into the grave, got that?" "Are you through now, Grandpa?" Cartman said. Clara groaned with the Doctor glowered at him. "And you, you especially will keep your fucking mouth shut or I will find the nearest paper shredder and put you in it. Then I will line a birdcage with your shredded remains and let some mangy cockatoo shit on you all day long, got that?" "You don't scare me," Cartman said. "Um…I would be very scared if I were you, Cartman," Kyle said when he saw the enraged look on the Doctor's face. "Mmpf, mmpf, mmpf, mpf." "Kenny's right. This is getting ridiculous," Stan said. "Just keep quiet, Cartman, so we can go inside and look at the cool spaceship." "Alright but I'm only letting you guys see my spaceship because I'm feeling generous today," Cartman said. "If it was anyone else, I'd be charging admission." "Excuse me, but…why are you even friends with Jabba the Hutt here?" the Doctor said to the others as he pointed to Cartman. "He won't leave us alone. He follows us everywhere like a little lost kitten," Kyle said. "Hey! I do not follow your stupid ass like a little lost…" Cartman shut up when the Doctor gave him another look of death. "Am not a lost kitten," Cartman muttered as he followed everyone up the ramp. Inside the spaceship was made of a black metal with lights in the ceiling spaced evenly along a wide corridor, there were doors spaced evenly on both sides of the corridor and round lights in between those. The Doctor studied the layout. The corridor was on both sides of the entrance and there were doors at either end of the long corridors in addition to the doors on either side of them. "We go this way," the Doctor said, pointing off to the right after some thought. "Why?" Cartman said. "Because I fucking said so, Tubzilla, now come on," the Doctor said. "Am not Tubzilla, you wrinkly fuck," Cartman said under his breath as he followed everyone. So far, nothing was coming out of the doors as they made their way to the one at the end. "Is this how most spaceships are, empty and boring?" Stan asked as they walked. "No, most spaceships are filled with creatures and things," Clara said over her shoulder. "Is your vagina filled with creatures and things?" Cartman said. Cartman backed up when the Doctor spun around and glowered at him. "Are you really that fucking stupid that you can't follow a simple direction like keep your fucking mouth shut" he said to Cartman. "I am not fucking stupid, you stupid fuck!" Cartman said. "Oh I'm so sorry, Mister Mensa, I had no idea you were so intelligent. I suppose I am judging you by the way fuck drops from your lips every ten seconds but I realize now that you must have tourettes. Sorry. I didn't look past all that to see your undeniable genius." "Yes, I am quite smart, aren't I?" Cartman said, putting his hands behind his back and putting on a pompous air. Clara giggled at the exasperated look on the Doctor's face. "Have you ever tried turning a hose on him when he follows you?" he said to Stan and Kyle. "Nah, it'd just piss him off more and then we'd have a wet, cussing Cartman on our hands," Stan said. "Oh, that is sooooo witty, Stan," Cartman said, rolling his eyes. "Yes, that was filled with tons of wit." "Wow, you actually know what wit is and can use it in a sentence, I'm fucking impressed!" the Doctor said. "YOU QUIT MAKING FUN OF ME OR I'LL GO TELL MY MOMMA WHAT YOU'RE SAYING TO ME!" Clara winced and the Doctor threw up his hands when Cartman bellowed that and it echoed off the interior. "Well, they fucking know we're here now, don't they, Tubby?" the Doctor said, bending down to his level. "And if they come out of one of those doors, I'm gonna throw you to them so we can get away. Let you fucking deal with them, you stupid wanker." "DON'T YOU CALL ME A…WHATEVER YOU JUST CALLED ME, YOU STUPID AUSTRAILIAN! I WILL GO AND GET MY MOMMA AND SHE'LL TELL YOU TO SHUT UP." "Yeah and then sleep with him." "SHUT THE FUCK UP, KYLE!" Cartman said, rounding on him. "MY MOTHER IS NOT A WHORE! YOUR MOTHER ON THE OTHER HAND IS A BIG BOSSY BITCH…" "Doctor…" Clara said, grabbing the Doctor's arm as the Doctor prepared to bitchslap Cartman down the corridor. The Doctor turned and sighed when he saw the door at the end of the corridor slowly sliding open. He glanced back at Cartman who was still bellowing at Kyle. Everyone except him had noticed the door opening. The Doctor spun around and grabbed Cartman, picking him up. "HEY, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Cartman yelled. The Doctor turned around towards the opening door. "Okay, fuckity bye," the Doctor yelled before dropkicking Cartman towards the door. "FUCK YOOOOOOOU!" Cartman bellowed as he flew through the air and right through the open door. "Doctor, was that wise?" Clara said to the Doctor. "Why? You're actually grieving the loss of the mouthy little twat?" the Doctor said to her. "Hey, what are you doing here?" they heard Cartman saying from inside the room. "Fuck, he's still alive," the Doctor said. "Hey, you guys, guess who's here!" Cartman said as he came to the door. Cartman stepped aside and a skinny black boy came to the door and clicked at them. "Hey, it's Starvin' Marvin!" Stan said, pointing. "Starvin' Marvin?" Clara said. "Yeah, he's an Ethiopian boy that was starving because Sally Struthers was keeping all the food people sent for herself," Kyle said. "Oookay," Clara said. Starvin' Marvin walked towards the others, clicking rapidly. To everyone's amazement, the Doctor clicked back and Starvin' Marvin froze, his mouth dropping in awe that someone knew his language. "Wait, you can speak Ethiopian?" Kyle said to the Doctor. "I can speak every language." Starvin' Marvin clicked at the Doctor, overjoyed at being understood. "He says his name isn't Starvin' Marvin, it's Bekele and he claims he's from the planet, Marklar." "Oh yeah, that's where we took him and his people," Stan said. "To escape the missionaries that was trying to convert him." The Doctor spoke to Starvin' Marvin as Cartman walked up to them. Marvin clicked back and pointed to the open door. "He wants us to follow him," the Doctor said to the others. The Doctor clicked back at Marvin and Marvin led them down the corridor to the open door.
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