Chapter One

Rose lay on her bed. It was one of those rare moments of peace and she and her friends, Martha and Donna, had decided to spend the afternoon relaxing while the Doctor put in some upgrades to the TARDIS. Rose lay under her pink comforter, door closed, and everything off, while she read her book.

She was so engrossed in it that it took her awhile to notice that there was a bell ringing in the corridor outside her door. She put her book down and listened.

“Sweets!” she heard the Doctor yell. “I have boiled sweets, licorice, white mice, Venusian Farfol snacks and many more, come and buy sweets off my trolley!”

Rose was shocked. The Doctor was peddling sweets down the corridors? She knew there were times when he would get bored, but bored enough to sell candy to them?

Leaping from the bed, she ran to the door, flung it open, and raced out. She noticed that Donna and Martha had come out and all of them were standing there, staring at the Doctor who was standing several feet away from them, empty-handed, with a perplexed look on his face.

“Are we having a fire drill?” he asked them.

“Where’s the trolley?” Rose asked.

The Doctor blinked.

“What trolley?”

The sweet trolley. I heard you pushing a trolley down the hall and yelling that you were selling sweets.”

“I heard it too,” Martha said.

“So did I,” Donna agreed.

The Doctor stared at them.

“I’m sorry, you…heard me pushing a trolley and selling sweets to you?” he said.

“Yes, you were saying you had boiled sweets, and white mice, and licorice, and some kind of Venusian snack stuff.”

The Doctor looked at Martha and Donna. They nodded.

“Um, I was just walking down the hall because I was headed towards the loo. I don’t own a sweets trolley, and I certainly wouldn’t try to sell my own companions any. I don’t know what you heard, but it wasn’t me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to drain the lizard, as they say.

He went past them. The women watched while he went down the corridor and turned the corner. They looked at each other.

“You heard it, yeah?” Rose said.

“Yeah, I heard it through the door, plain as day,” Donna said.

“I heard it and I had my TV turned up,” Martha said.

“Well, where did he put the trolley then?” Rose said. “I mean, we’re the only rooms down this hallway, so he must have been able to hide it quickly before we got out here.”

“Eh, I’m sure the TARDIS hid it for him,” Donna said, “ship always helps him like that, and he’d never admit it anyway.”

“Yeah,” Rose said, nodding. “Ah well, it’s probably some idiotic prank of his. I’m going back to bed and read my book.”

“Yeah, I’m going back to my program,” Martha said.

“Nap for me,” Donna said.

Rose went back inside and shut her door. She crawled back into her bed, snuggled under the covers, and started reading.

Twenty minutes later, she heard it again, only this time it was bells, and tinkling music, and a rumbling, like a lorry was being driven down the corridor.


“What the hell?” Rose said.

She flung herself out of bed, opened the door and she, Donna, and Martha ran outside. The Doctor was walking back the other way. There was no lorry. No ice creams, just the same confused look he had last time.

“Now what?” he said.

“Alright, mister, where the lorry?” Martha demanded.

The Doctor stared at her.

“Lorry? What lorry?”

“The ice cream lorry you were driving down the hall,” Donna said.

The Doctor’s mouth dropped open. He spread his arms wide.

“Do you see a lorry anywhere around here?”

“No. But you probably hid it the same place you hid the trolley!” Donna said.

“I’m not hiding anything! I just went to and from the loo! That’s it!”

“Then how come we keep hearing you yelling out that you have sweets and ice creams?” Rose said.

“I don’t know, maybe you’re hallucinating it! Stress of running from monsters is getting to all of you. I just know that it wasn’t me. Now excuse me, I want to get back to working on the TARDIS.”

Shaking his head, he walked past them. Rose looked at her friends.

“You two are hearing it, yeah? I’m not hallucinating, right?” Rose said.

“If you’re hallucinating, then so am I,” Donna said.

“Me too.”

“Well, then why do we keep hearing the Doctor selling sweets to us?”

Martha sighed.

“It’s him thinking he’s cute and clever and driving us crazy. You know how he is. I suppose in another few minutes, he’ll be back on a bicycle selling us pots and pans or something.”

“Well, let’s go to the living room then, “Donna said. “ Maybe he won’t bother us and if he does, we’ll be able to see him.”

“Good idea,” Martha said. “Come on, guys, let’s go watch the telly in the living room.”

Rose and Donna nodded. They shut their doors and headed for it.

They sat together on the sofa watching a chat show while they kept their ears peeled for any bells, whistles, dings, rings, or foghorns. They listened for the Doctor’s voice, but heard nothing. After awhile, they gave up and concentrated on the show.

One hour passed, then two. Donna dozed off while Martha and Rose watched the TV. Then, suddenly, they heard a low, sinister laugh just outside the den door.

“At last,” they heard the Doctor muttering. “I have all three of my companions together in one place, and soon they shall all suffer a slow, painful death!”

Rose and Martha looked at each other. Martha nudged Donna awake.

“Oi! What you think you’re--“

Martha put her hand over Donna’s mouth and put her finger to her lips. Donna’s eyes widened when she heard the Doctor let out an evil laugh.

“Yes,” they heard him mutter. “I will lure them to the console room and when they’re not looking, I will throw open the doors, throw them out into the vortex and watch as they disintegrate in the time winds. All I need to do is think of an excuse to bring them to the console room and then, they will die!”

They heard him let out another sinister laugh and all was quiet again. The three women looked at each other.

“Right, that’s enough! Come on, girls!” Martha said.

The three of them ran to the door. They noticed the Doctor was nowhere to be found, but they didn’t stop. They just kept on running to the console room, eager to give the Time Lord a piece of their minds.

“Shake, shake, shake…shake, shake, shake…shake your booty, shake your boooooty!”

The Doctor was lying underneath the console fixing a circuit board while KC and the Sunshine band played in the CD player. His feet moved back and forth in time to the beat while he sang the tune to himself.


The Doctor screamed. He jerked his body up and smacked his head on the underside of the console. Holding his aching head, he looked over as his three companions stomped towards him.

“Oi, think you can say that a little louder? I don’t think the other end of the universe heard you!” he said.

He sighed when the three women bent down and glared at him.

“Now what? Am I going down the halls dressed as an organ grinder trying to sell candy floss to you?” he said.

“That wasn’t funny, Doctor,” Martha said.

“Well, I’m sorry, organ grinder and candy floss was all my aching head could conjure up at the moment.”

“No. The whole, I’m gonna kill all of you bit wasn’t funny, it was sick!” Martha said.

The Doctor’s eyes bugged out.

“I never said any such thing!” he said in a high-pitched voice, “why do you guys keep accusing me of doing and saying things I’d never do?”

“You weren’t by the living room door acting all evil and threatening to throw us out into the vortex?” Donna said.

“No! I went to the loo, came back, and I’ve been lying here fixing the console. I’ve never been anywhere near the living room and I wouldn’t say things like that! I don’t joke about killing my companions. Now, I have no idea what you are hearing or seeing, but I assure you it’s not me. I…”

He trailed off. The three women were confused for a moment and then they realized that the TARDIS was rumbling loudly. The Doctor sat there for a moment, thinking hard, and then he narrowed his eyes. He cleared his throat while he scooted out from under the console and glanced up at the ceiling.

“I don’t suppose you know what’s going on here?” he said.

The TARDIS rumbled loudly as if it were laughing. Then, the three women heard a bell ringing just beyond the back door.


The three women looked at the Doctor’s mouth. It wasn’t moving.

“I believe my TARDIS is the one you should be blaming,” he said. “She gets bored from time to time, and loves to play practical jokes on the unwary.”

“So, that was the TARDIS doing all that?” Martha said.

“Yup,” the Doctor said, popping the p. “I told you I was innocent.”

“Oh, great,” Donna said, “isn’t bad enough having to put up him ‘em, now we gotta watch out for his ship too!”

The Doctor shrugged.

“Sorry, I can’t control what she does. She’s alive, you know.”

The three women leaned back up. They looked at each other and walked out of the console room. The Doctor watched them go and looked up at his ship with a wry grin.

“Good one, old girl, but next time let me in on the joke, eh?”

Sighing contentedly, he lay back down under the console and went back to his repairs.

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