Chapter Six

“Here we are, the pool room,” Rose said, as she opened the door.

She stepped aside and Martha and Donna entered the room. They paused a moment and gaped at the Olympic sized pool with platform diving board and water slide. Next to it was a huge Jacuzzi and beyond that were doors leading to a sauna and steam room. Donna let out a whistle.

“This place never ceases to amaze me,” she said.

“I’ll say, where’s the gym?” Martha added.

“Um, gym is several doors down. It’s very nice too. All the latest equipment. I love going in there for a workout.” Rose said.

“Blimey, the man wasn’t kidding when he said this was his home,” Donna said. “I wonder if he has his own airport?”

“I wouldn’t put it past him,” Rose said, “and his own shipyard and his own motorway and the Eiffel Tower and Mount Rushmore and the pyramids and who knows what else.”

All three of them slipped out of their bathrobes, laid them on some deck chairs and walked over to the pool ladder. Rose tested the water with her big toe. Satisfied with the temperature, she climbed down, letting out a delighted shriek when the cold water hit her skin. The other two women followed and all of them splashed and floated around in the water. Rose lay on her back and floated around. She closed her eyes and gently propelled herself backwards with her hands. She let out a contented sigh. This was one of those rare moments when all seemed right with the world. No monsters, no danger, just pure relaxation.


Rose gasped and opened her eyes. She quickly turned over, found her footing on the shallow end of the pool and stood up. She looked over at Donna and Martha who were staring up at the ceiling. She looked up. Her eyes widened when she saw a little silver sphere zooming around above their heads. Rose stared at it, perplexed. She looked at her friends who were looking to her for answers.

“I’ve never seen anything like it before,” she said to them.

“Do you think it’s some creature that managed to get in here?” Martha asked.

“I don’t know, I would think the TARDIS’s scanners would have picked it up, but…”

Rose trailed off when the sphere suddenly dropped down beside her. She stiffened as the ball came closer to her face.

“Ah, there you are!”

Rose was taken aback when she heard the Doctor’s voice coming from a tiny speaker on the side of the sphere.

“Swimming?” she heard the Doctor say.

Rose glanced at her friends and then looked back at the ball.

“Um…yeah, we are,” she said to it.

“Oh, good, I was just checking on all of you,” the Doctor said, cheerfully. “It’s awfully quiet up here in the console room and since I don’t know where you guys went, I sent Herbie to find you.”

“Herbie?” Donna muttered. “The bleedin’ ball is named Herbie?”

“Did…uh…you need us?” Rose asked.

“Oh no, no, no. Just making sure you guys haven’t wandered into any death traps or something. My TARDIS is big and even I don’t know what’s all in here. Don’t want you dying in some remote room where your rotting corpses will stink up my ship. Pays to be cautious, you know.”

“Gee, it’s big of you to keep tabs on us like this,” Rose said, dryly.

“Not at all, just doing my duty,” the Doctor said, completely missing the sarcasm.

There was a long pause while the sphere hovered in mid-air in front of Rose. Then, it sank into the water and stopped at her chest. Her eyes widened when she saw a small door open in the front of the ball. A little telephoto lens came out and aimed directly at her boobs. Rose’s mouth dropped open and she stared at the ball angrily as it rose back up above the water.

“You look good in a swimming costume, Rose, just letting you know that,” she heard the Doctor say, as the lens went back in and the door closed.

“Get out of here with that thing before I lob it against the wall and smash it to bits,” Rose yelled.

“Now, now, I was only making a critical assessment of your cozzy,” the Doctor said. “You have too nice a body to be wearing something unflattering that’ll make you look severely obese.”

Rose’s mouth dropped open and she gave the sphere a look of death as she balled up her fist and brought it out of the water.

“And…on that note, I’ll be sending Herbie elsewhere,” the Doctor said, quickly. “Have fun swimming.”

Before Rose could do anything, the ball zoomed up into the air out of reach and sped out the door.

After Herbie left, the three women went back to swimming. Rose and Martha floated on their backs while Donna tried the water slide. Donna was heading up the slide for a second time when the door opened and the Doctor strutted in wearing a brown bathrobe.

“Oh look, our lord and master decided to actually walk to the pool this time instead of using his goofy disco ball.” Donna said.

The Doctor shot her a look.

“For your information, Noble, that so-called disco ball is a highly sophisticated surveillance tool that allows me to see where you are in the TARDIS without me having to run hither and thither and wear myself out in the process.”

“Yeah, and apparently its other function is to find me in a cozzy and stare at me so you can wank off at the console.”

The Doctor eyed Rose.

“I was not wanking off to anything, Rose. I told you I was giving you my honest opinion on how your swimming costume looked.”

“Yeah, and I noticed that the lens was aimed right at my breasts!”

“Well, yes, because that’s where most problems occur fit-wise,” the Doctor countered. “With most swimming costumes, the area around the chest is either too snug or too loose, making it look sloppy. However, yours is a perfect fit, so bravo for being smart enough to pick out a suit that flatters your physique.”

“Gee, Doctor, you talk like you’re an expert in this department,” Martha said. “How many bikini inspections have you done in your 900 years of living?”


“And they are…” Donna said.

“Esther Williams and Rose, if you must know.”

“Really? Esther Williams? When was that?” Martha asked.

“Ooooh, a lifetime or two ago. She just wanted my honest opinion and I gave it to her. And…after she was done shooting for the day, Neptune’s Daughter I think it was, I went to a cast party with her. Wow, that was some party. Red Skelton had me in stitches all night and…”

“Never mind, Doctor,” Rose said, quickly. “I don’t think we wanna know the details. Just…why are you here?”

“Oh, to swim with you. I was standing up front thinking about how much fun you three must be having, so I decided to join you. That’s okay, isn’t it?”

“I guess so,” Rose said. “It’s your pool.”

The Doctor smiled.

“Yes, it is and I’m quite proud of it. So, since it is my pool, keep it clean, keep the surrounding areas tidy and no peeing in it or the Jacuzzi. I don’t want your urine going up my nose while I’m underwater.”

Rose looked at the others and they rolled their eyes. They watched while the Doctor walked over to a deckchair and disrobed. A look passed between them when they saw his swim trunks. Bright blue with bananas all over it.

“Oh, Christ,” Donna said, holding her hand up in front of her face. “I’m blind. Bloody Hell, don’t you ever get any sun? You’re so pale, you practically glow!”

The others giggled while the Doctor shot her a dirty look. Ignoring the catcalls and wolf whistles, he strode over to the ladder leading up to the diving board. They watched with interest while he climbed up.

“Oh look, guys, Greg Louganis is gonna treat us to the sight of his lilywhite body plummeting headfirst into the water,” Donna said. “At least when Casper hits bottom and breaks his pencil thin neck, we’ll be able to find the corpse.”

The Doctor paused on the ladder and glared at Donna while the three of them roared with laughter.

“Tee-hee,” he said.

Ignoring shouts of “Woo-woo!” and “Look at that studly body!”, the Doctor finished climbing the ladder and stepped onto the diving board. The three women snickered while he paused at the back of it and raised his arms out in front of him with a serious look on his face. He walked out to the front of the board, hopped twice, then walked back, then walked forward, hopped two more times and then walked back.

“Come on, shrimpy boy, get on with it so we can fish the corpse out of the water and go back to swimming,” Donna yelled up.

The Doctor repeated his walking and hopping maneuver one more time. Then, with an evil grin on his face, he suddenly sprinted across the board and launched himself out into space.

“!” he hollered, as he tucked his legs up against him.

Rose screamed when she noticed he was coming right towards her. She scrambled to get out of the way as the pale ball of energy streaked towards the water.


Rose gasped when the Doctor went in and a mini tsunami hit her from behind. Gasping and coughing, she pulled stringy strands of hair out of her eyes while the Doctor surfaced behind her with a triumphant yell.

“What’s wrong, Tyler, no smart comeback for me now?” the Doctor teased.

He kicked backwards when Rose lunged at him. With a grin, he ducked under the water.

“Yeah, you better hide, mate!” Rose yelled at him as he swam away.

She swam to the shallow end. Once her toe hit the bottom of the pool, she stood up, folded her arms over her chest and waited for the Doctor to surface, so she could give him a piece of her mind. She waited and waited, but he didn’t come up. She looked at Martha who was now sitting on the side of the pool with her legs in the water.

“Where’s the Doctor?” she asked her.

“He’s there,” she said, pointing. “In the middle of the pool, swimming round and round.”

“And he’s still alive?” Rose said. “It’s been ten minutes at least.”

“Unless his dead brain’s gone on autopilot, I guess he’s still alive down there,” Martha said, shrugging.

Donna was holding on to the end of the waterslide watching the Doctor.

“I’ll get him,” she said.

She took a deep breath and went under. Martha watched while she swam towards the Doctor. The Doctor stopped and grinned when he saw her coming. He held out his hand and Donna took it. He then kicked upwards and both of them surfaced.

“There you go,” he said, patting her head. “You can breathe the air again. You know it’s dangerous to stay underwater if you don’t have a respiratory bypass system. You might drown. Why not stay up here and leave the underwater swimming to us professionals, okay? Okay. See ya!”

Donna muttered angrily when he went back under and began swimming again.

“It’s a good thing I don’t know how to pilot this ship, otherwise, I’d get some rope and tie your professional swimmer’s body to the bottom of the pool.”

“Rose!” Martha screamed. “Incoming! Doctor at twelve o’clock and he’s heading right for you!”

Rose had gone back to floating, but the moment she heard Martha, she quickly turned over and started for the ladder. Kicking her legs furiously, she looked back and noticed the Doctor was closing in fast. She gasped when the Doctor tickled the soles of her feet and tried to kick at him. The Doctor grabbed her leg and Rose grunted when he pulled her backwards and grabbed her around the middle.

“Ah-ha! I gotcha!” he crowed. “The mighty shark catches the unwary fish in his predatory jaws and now he will feast.”

Laughing, he began to nibble at her ear while Rose tried to break away from him and get up the ladder.

“It is useless to resist, little fishy, I will devour you before you get up that ladder!” he said.

He giggled when Rose turned her body in his arms and stared at him. He bared his teeth and waggled his eyebrows. Rose tried to give him a stern look, but couldn’t hold it for long. She began to giggle as the Doctor nuzzled his wet cheek against hers.

“I see the fishy has surrendered,” he purred in her ear. “Perhaps we can go into the Jacuzzi, so I can feast on you in private?”

“What about your other two companions?” Rose said.

“Eh, let them get pruny in here. We can get all nice and warm and cozy in the little hot Jacuzzi. Interested?”

Rose smiled.


The Doctor grinned from ear to ear.

“Well then, ladies first out of the pool.”

Donna and Martha looked at each other while the two of them got out.

“Are they about to do what I think they’re gonna do?” Donna asked her.

“I think so,” Martha replied.

“OI!” Donna screamed at them as they walked around the pool to the Jacuzzi. “You just told us not to put any bodily fluids in your pool or your Jacuzzi!”

“First off, Noble, we are not going that far and even if we were, I will remind you this is my pool room, which means I can change the rules at my discretion.”

“Well, we’re your companions and we don’t wanna watch you two snogging like a couple of hormonally crazed teenagers!” Donna shouted back.

“Then, swim and ignore us. You have the whole pool to yourselves or you can get in the steam room back here or the sauna or you can go down to the gym or the golf course or the amusement park or the petting zoo or the trampoline room or the upside down room or the monument to me room or…”

“We get the idea, Doctor,” Martha said, getting up. “Donna and I will find something else to do.”

“You guys don’t have to leave,” Rose said.

“Uh…no, we do have to leave because I really don’t want to lose my lunch watching you give love bites to the Doctor. The…amusement park or whatever will be fine, if we can find the thing.”

“Ask the TARDIS to point it out, she’ll show you to the way. Although, the monument to me room is much more fascinating than any roller coaster.”

Donna and Martha let out huge snorts.

“No, we’ll pass on that, thanks,” Martha said.

The Doctor shrugged.

“Suit yourself,” he said, as Rose giggled. “I personally love going into it every chance I get. It’s nice knowing how special a person I really am.”

“Oh, that’s it, Martha. Let’s get going before I vomit!” Donna said, as she and Martha ran towards the door.

The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief when the door slammed behind them.

“Ah, alone at last. Well, into the Jacuzzi, Tyler.”

“Doctor, were you serious about the monument to me room?”

The Doctor gave her an incredulous look.

“Well, yes,” he said. “It’s several corridors along, but it’s there. It’s really quite grand, actually. Remind me to take you in there sometime.”

“Yeah, Doctor, I’ll…be sure to remind you to take me into the monument to me room.”

The Doctor chuckled. The two of them stepped into the Jacuzzi, sat down and snuggled against each other. They both let out contented sighs while they began to kiss and caress one another in the hot, foamy water.

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