Chapter Nine

“Oh God, look at this one,” Martha said, as she handed the poem up to Rose who was lying on her stomach on her bed.

After Martha and Donna got through laughing over some of the Doctor’s poetry and love letters to Rose, they hurriedly stuffed them into their bras so they could smuggle them out. Luckily, the Doctor was so preoccupied with chasing Rose down that he didn’t notice his other two companion’s breasts had gotten bigger. Since that time, the three of them had repeatedly snuck back to the room and with the help of the TARDIS had managed to bring back almost everything the Doctor had written without his knowledge.

Despite the laughter and jokes at the Doctor’s expense, Rose loved that he had taken the time to write all the poems and essays and love notes about her and cherished every bit of it. All of it was kept safely hidden in a shoe box under her bed and she frequently pulled them out a t night and reread them when no one was around.

“So, what does that one say?” Donna asked, pointing to the poem.

Rose cleared her throat.

“My Rose, guiding light.

You make me so happy, dear.

A perfect angel.”

She smiled.

“Aw, it’s a haiku. I love it,” she said.

“At least it’s not as corny as some of the others,” Donna said. “Especially that one where he wrote, I fell in love all over again, when we were fighting the Cybermen.”

Rose giggled.

“I liked that one too, actually. It was sweet,” she said. “It was just as poetic as, my life felt like a total wreck, when I thought you were killed by that Dalek. You have to admit, the man does know how to rhyme words.”

“Well, all I can say is, I’m glad the man’s profession is Time Lord and not Poet Laureate,” Donna replied. “All this makes me wonder if the man spent hours in that room snogging your statues.”

Rose giggled.

“I wouldn’t put it past him,” she said. “He actually was very fond of that Fortuna statue and he told me he used to visit it often when I was in the other universe.”

“I can’t believe the Doctor actually sculpted a statue of you,” Martha said.

Rose smiled.

“Well, now that you know the story, we’ll have to ask the Doctor to take us there sometime so you can see it for yourselves.”

“Just as long as he doesn’t start humping it in front of us,” Donna said.

They giggled.

“What about you, Martha? Does Tom write poetry?” Rose asked.

Martha smiled softly.

“Nah, not poetry. He’s not that talented. But, he has sent me some beautiful love letters. Every time I go home to visit mum, there’s always 2 or 3 of them waiting for me.”

She sighed wistfully.

“I love when he sends them, but, at the same time, it makes me miss him all the more,” she said.

“It must be nice. I’ve never had a man send me letters or flowers or anything,” Donna said.

“You just haven’t found the right person yet, Donna,” Rose said.

“Yeah, you’ll find the perfect man like we did,” Martha added.

“I hope so because I don’t think I can take anymore Lances in my life,” she replied, rolling her eyes.

They went back to reading. After about ten minutes, Martha tapped Rose on the shoulder.

“I think you better read this,” she said, handing her a two page letter.

Rose took the letter from her. She started to open her mouth when Martha held up her finger.

“You might wanna read it silently first and then decide if you want to read it to Donna. It’s a very personal and heart wrenching letter. I’m sorry now that I even read it,” she said.

Rose nodded. She read silently to herself.

My precious Rose,

I can’t believe I’m actually sitting here writing letters and poems to you when you’re not gonna be around to read them, but I can’t stop myself. Even if I can no longer tell you in person, I have to put pen to paper and let you know how much I really love you. It’s just this insane, burning need to tell the universe how truly special you are. Of course, I never actually tell anyone anything of real consequence, I just end up writing a letter and telling myself these things because who out there except me would ever care about how magnificent you are? I know full well that the universe is against me and if I went and screamed at the top of my lungs that I had just lost the most special person I had ever known, no one would give a damn about my suffering. The only people who would give a damn are the TARDIS and Jack. She does listen and Jack does too and they both understand completely what I’m going through, but still, I need to document my feelings, so at least I have a tangible reminder that you were real and you were here and you loved me when no one else would.

Oh Rose, I know it hurts to write this, but sometimes I get so angry. It’s not you I’m angry at though. It’s me. I’m angry at myself for falling so deeply in love that I can’t move forward with my life. I’m angry that everywhere I look I see you standing there smiling at me and reaching out to hold my hand. Your voice echoes in my head, your laughter, your tears, your words of love, all threatening to drive me over the abyss and plunge me headfirst into insanity. I dream of you when I’m asleep and I daydream of you when I’m awake. Everywhere I go, everything I do brings back a memory of the time we spent together. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t eat chips without bursting into tears. It’s times like that when I kick myself and scream at myself to quit being so stupid. That you are gone and there’s nothing I can do to bring you back. I need to just get on with my life and leave you in the past like I did with all my companions. But…I can’t…no matter how hard I try, I can’t let go of you. The very thought of relegating you to the furthest corner of my memories fills me with a terror no Dalek can top. I’ve even started carrying your clothes around with me in the TARDIS. You know that purple shirt you liked? The one you wore all the time? I carry it with me and I hold it to my chest and I remember you. It’s daft, but that’s all I have left of you, my Rose. Clothes and plush toys and DVD’s and flower scented toiletries. All these things have taken on new meaning to me and it’s gotten to the point where I treat them like holy relics. That’s the power you have over me, Rose. The power to make me go completely loopy and treat a Lord of the Rings DVD as if it were the Holy Grail itself.

Mind you, I toned that down since Martha came on board. She thinks I’m odd enough now; I don’t want her seeing me holding Snuffy to my chest as I’m walking down the corridors. Actually, come to think of it, I started being a lot more careful after Donna came on board the TARDIS and found your purple shirt. Yet another example of how crackers I’ve become…when I saw her holding your precious shirt all crumpled up in her hand, I had this insane urge to punch her lights out for treating something you loved so callously. Mind you, she was screeching at me at the time and I felt like punching her anyway, but that’s beside the point. She was holding your shirt and shoving it in my face and accusing me of abducting you. You! The woman who told me she would willingly give up being with her family to stay with me forever and I ABDUCTED YOU? Donna’s gone now and frankly, good riddance. Martha isn’t anything like you, but at least she isn’t flapping around me and screaming in my ear like a big screechy bat.

Rose smiled at that, despite the tears that were now flowing down her face. She took a deep breath and continued to read.

So, here I am, once again, unable to do anything except write a long, involved letter to you. Blimey, if my other selves could see me now, see how sentimental I’ve become in my old age. I would never have done this in my younger years, never have entertained the thought of being smitten over a girl, especially a human girl. But, yet again, proof of how special you truly are. You, Rose Tyler, had the power to shine your light into the heart of the Oncoming Storm and turn the darkness into a bright, sunny day. Wow, did I just write that? Damn, I’m good. No wonder Shakespeare’s sonnets have been acclaimed the world over. I helped write a fair chunk of them, you know. Why am I not getting royalties though? Another thing I must kick myself for. But, anyway, back to the letter…You truly were an angel in my life. You taught me that there is always something worth living for, never to give up even when there are days you just feel like lying down and dying and that even an old bitter, angry, grumpy, last of the Time Lords can learn to laugh and have fun again. I’ll look back on that year we shared and think on it as one of the happiest times in my lives. Sure there were moments of danger and terror, but you and I just stood there and laughed at it all like it was some big practical joke being played on us. But, in the end, the joke was on me because the universe saw fit to take you away and trap you in a place where I can’t see you and kiss you and hold you close.

I hope to all the gods out there, real and imagined, that you are safe and happy and able to carry on with your life. I hope, Rose that you aren’t doing what I’m doing. I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life loving a memory. I want you to go and find someone who will treat you like a million pounds and give you the life you deserve. Don’t become stuck in the past. If you want to honor me and our relationship, then carry on day by day and make your life the most fantastical one you can possibly imagine. It will be hard, but you must do what I’m doing, take one step at a time and breathe one breath at a time until you are able to pick up the pieces and become the vibrant woman you once were. I ache inside not having you here, but at least you are with family and not trapped in a strange universe surrounded by total strangers. At least, your mum is there, although if it were me, that would be a fate worse than Hell itself. Not to mention Mickey-boy. Damn, I need to find a way over the void, so I can rescue you from them, you poor defenseless thing. Ah, there, you’ll be pleased to know that I just laughed at that, so I’ve cheered up, even if it’s only a little bit. Still, despite all I’ve said in this letter, I will never, ever give up hope that someday we’ll be reunited. That’s another thing you taught me, that I need to keep my hope alive, no matter what the odds. I just pray that all my wishing and hoping isn’t falling on deaf ears. But, as the old cliché goes, where there’s life, there’s hope. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched. Don’t put your eggs in one basket and don’t jump over the Warwoolian when it’s mating with a Farflesnap.

Well, I guess I’ve rambled on long enough; I better go find Martha and see what she’s up to. Promised that woman one trip, now it’s turned into three and I’m pretty sure eventually I will be taking her on full time. I just can’t bear to be alone anymore, Rose. Not at my age. So, even though I said I was only going to offer her a few trips as a way of thanking her, I doubt it’ll remain that way. That’s the other thing that you changed about me. Before I met you, I didn’t care if I was alone or not, but now the thought of me being by myself in this huge TARDIS fills me with unspeakable dread. I’m a changed man now and it’s all because of you. So, from the very bottom of both my broken hearts, thank you.

All the hugs and kisses and hand holdings the universe can offer. Take care, my jewel, until we meet again.

The Doctor.

Rose laid the letter down, her eyes filled with tears. Martha and Donna glanced at each other, got up on their knees and laid their heads against hers. They stayed that way for a moment and then Martha looked at Donna. Silent words passed between them and they stood up. Both of them rubbed their young friend’s back for a moment before they walked out of the room and closed the door behind them.

The Doctor lay on the grating underneath the console doing some minor repairs to the circuitry. There was a greatest hits of the ‘80’s CD playing in the CD player and he was singing along to it while he worked.

“Don’t you want me, baby? Don’t you want me, oooh-whoa-whoa. Don’t you want me baby? Don’t you want me, oooh-whoa-whoa,” he sang. “I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, that much is true. But even then I’d knew I’d find a much better place, either with or without you.”


The Doctor grinned when he glanced over and saw Rose’s legs beside him. His eyes went back to the circuitry while he cheerfully warbled.

“What you wantin’, Rosie? What’s the problem, oooh-whoa-whoa? I’m down here a workin’, so you’ll have to get on the floor.”

He smiled when Rose bent down. But, he instantly became concerned when he saw her tear stained face.

“Rose, what is it?” he said, sitting his sonic screwdriver down by his side. “What’s the matter?”

“Oh, Doctor.”

Without another word, Rose crawled over, lay down beside him and put her arms around him. Confused, the Doctor rolled onto his side and held her close.

“What is it? Why are you crying?” he asked gently.

“I love you so much; I just want you to know that.”

“I do know it.”

“Just reminding you, in case you have any doubts,” she said, softly.

The Doctor wasn’t sure what had happened, but he sensed that perhaps later was a better time to ask. Silently, he tightened his hold on Rose’s body and lowered his face to the top of her head, breathing in the scent of the lavender shampoo she had used earlier in the day. He leaned up slightly and kept a close eye on her, watching what she did and smiling when she relaxed and sighed deeply.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

“Yes,” Rose said, into his chest.

“Good, because you’re getting my nice clean suit wet. Dry cleaning isn’t cheap, you know.”

He laughed when Rose swatted his arm and gave her a kiss on the nose.

“So, now that you’re all better, what did Donna do?”

Rose frowned.

“Donna? Donna didn’t do anything to me.”

“Oh, well, I figured since you came in here with tears running down your cheeks that Donna perhaps was her usual tell it like it is self and mouthed off to you in that oh, so charming way of hers.”

“No, Donna and I get along fine.”

“Well, good. It’s bad enough Polly Parrot squawks at me without her squawking at you too.”

“Doctor, that’s mean.”

He grinned when Rose smiled in spite of herself.

“Oh, you know I’m only joking. I like Donna just as much as the rest of ya. It’s true she has a voice that can be heard from nine countries away, but on the other hand, she’s a cute little wisecracker that reminds me of me.”

He paused.

“Don’t tell her I said she was cute though, she might assault me for that. You know, weird, skinny Martian boy coming on to her and all? Next thing you know, she’s off to the tabloids screaming that an alien was trying to shove his ovipositor down her throat or some other nonsense. Ah, Rose, it’s too bad you didn’t follow her the night we stopped Miss Foster. You would have had a laugh, especially if you had been there before she saw you. There I was, telling that woman that all I wanted was a mate and the next thing I knew…”

He grinned, let out a melodramatic gasp and imitated Donna’s voice.


Rose giggled.

“And then she’s cowering behind the door like any minute I’m gonna roar, rip my clothes off, pounce on her and shag her senseless. If I was gonna do that with anyone, it certainly wouldn’t be the drama queen in there. And…And, Rose, after I so graciously allowed her to travel with me again, what does she do? She gripes about it being chilly in here! Omega’s orifice, it I hadn’t been so lonely and wanted company so badly, I would have dumped her butt back out the door and shoved her cutesy hatbox right down on her red little head. Honestly, I show some hospitality and what do I get?”

He imitated Donna’s voice again.

“Turn up that heat before I turn into an icicle and quit bouncin’ around like a maniac, you give me a bleedin’ headache and slow down when you’re tryin’ to explain stuff to me, my brain doesn’t go that fast! Gripe, gripe, gripe. Whinge, whinge, whinge. Natter, natter, natter. Get out of my way, skinny boy, I’m in a hurry to get out of this frigid machine of yours and you’re holdin’ me back! I thought Tegan was a holy terror, Donna would have her cowering in the corner in under two minutes. Look up alpha female in the dictionary and Donna’s picture would be there glaring at you and the caption underneath her would say, quit staring at me before I punch your lights out!”

Rose giggled.

“You like her though, admit it.”

“Yeah, I do. But, thank every god there is in the whole of time and space that my TARDIS is big enough that I don’t have to be crammed in here with her constantly at my side. I’m glad your mum isn’t here too, oh God, would that be a battle royal! The screamer and the slapper in a battle to the death. I doubt the universe would survive after the two of them got through with each other.”

“Well, if that happens, then we’ll both die and be together at least,” Rose said, shrugging.

The Doctor beamed.

“That’s what I love about you, Rose. Always a bright side to everything.”

He tickled her armpits while Rose howled with laughter.

“So, feeling better now? Crying over?” he asked when he finished.

Rose smiled and nodded.

“Good, because I’m just about through here and I think the four of us should go somewhere just to get out of this stuffy, allegedly freezing TARDIS. How ‘bout it?”

“Sounds good to me.”

He leaned over on his back and Rose cuddled up beside him.

“Oh, and incidentally, don’t tell Donna what I just said. I really don’t want to spend the next twenty years hiding in my own ship while she goes on a hunt for me.”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Good, wish hers were.”

He snickered when Rose slapped his chest.

“Now, since you are down here, you can help me sing harmony while I finish repairs, okay?”

“I’ll try.”

“Good…and a-one and a-two and a-three…GO!”

Rose and the Doctor raised their voices in song and sang ‘Do You Really Want to Hurt Me loudly and off-key while the Doctor finished fixing the circuitry.

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