Chapter Twelve

The Doctor stared at Bonk. Unlike the little shrimp he had been dealing with, Bonk was at least two feet taller than he was. His enormous body filled the door making it impossible to just run past him. However, the Doctor had two things in his possession at the moment, his staff and his screwdriver and he was fully prepared to use both.

Suddenly, without warning, Rose ran right in front of him.


The Doctor was shocked.

“Rose, this is hardly the time or place to make good on that bet you three made,” he said.

Rose leaned in.

“Just trust me, I’m giving you an advantage,” she whispered, as she slowly unfastened his cloak. “Just be ready with the staff.”

“Be careful, he’s huge.”

“Yeah, well I’m clever and I believe brains wins over brawn every time,” she said, grabbing the edge of his cloak in one hand.

“Well, what’s it gonna be?” Zonk said. “Are you gonna surrender your slaves or is Bonk going to have to make you?”

Rose turned holding the cape in her hand.

“I guess Bonk is going to have to make us,” she said.

Before anyone could react, she ran over to Bonk and threw the cape over his head.

“Now!” she yelled at the Doctor.

She ran out of the way as the Doctor raised his staff and brought it down hard on Bonk’s head. Bonk let out a grunt and crashed to the floor, unconscious.

“Well, what’d ya know, I just bonked Bonk on the head,” he said, happily.

Zonk stared at his colleague for a moment and then, with a yell, ran towards the Doctor. The Doctor readied his staff, but before he could do anything, Martha ran up behind him, snatched his helmet off his head and holding the edge swung it around and hit him in the face. Zonk staggered back and the Doctor quickly finished him off with his staff.

“Nicely done, Jones,” he said.

“Yeah, well the Darth Vader look didn’t suit you anyway,” she said.

The Doctor, figuring their cover was blown, pulled off the respirator and threw it off to the side.

“Ah,” he said, rubbing his jaw. “Yeah, I agree with you, Martha. It feels much better without that contraption on.”

“So, now what do we do?” Donna asked. “Do we tie them up in case they wake up again?”

“That would be helpful,” the Doctor said. “You got any rope on ya?”

Rose stared at Bonk and Zonk. She moved towards them and noticed her leash moving as she walked. She stared at it for a moment, looked at Bonk and a smile spread over her face.

“I think I know what we can tie them up with,” she said, picking up the leash and showing it to them.

The Doctor beamed.

“Nice thinking. Okay, everyone, take off the dog collars.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Donna said, unbuckling her collar.

The three women took off the collars. Rose and Donna ran to Bonk and tied the leashes around his wrists and ankles. Martha ran to Zonk. She looked at her leash trying to decide which end to tie. She finally decided on his arms and tied his wrists tightly together.

“He’ll be able to walk, but hopefully he won’t get his wrists untied,” she said to the Doctor.

“Eh, if he does, we’ll handle him. It’s Bonk I’m more concerned about. Anyway, let’s get this lummox further inside, lock the door and see if we can find the rest of the slaves before these two wake up and sound the alarm.”

He ran over and with the help of his companions managed to pull Bonk away from the door. Once they were finished, he grabbed his staff, ushered them out and shut the door. Rose held his staff while he quickly locked it with his screwdriver and then gave it back to him when he was done.

“Okay, let’s get to searchin’” he said.

They ran down the wide corridor throwing open any doors they could find.

“Closet,” the Doctor said as he threw open a door.

He shut the door and tried the next one.


He shut the door and tried the next one.


He kept on going.

“Closet, office, office, bathroom, closet, office, office, kitchen….wow, look at all the unwashed pots and pans sitting by the sink, need to get Zonk in here….anyway, office, closet, office, office, TV room, sauna, office, office, um…bedroom with lots of pornographic pictures of red heads on the wall, must be Zonk’s…office, office, bedroom, closet, bathroom, break room with a bunch of guards sitting around playing poker, office, office, closet…”

“Doctor!” Rose said.

The Doctor paused with his hand on the doorknob and looked where Rose was pointing. The break room door was opening up and the guards were coming out to see what was going on.

“Hello there,” the Doctor said. “I’m looking for the harem or the slave holding room or whatever you call it. Can you guys help us? We’re really in a hurry here.”

The guards whipped out swords from scabbards hanging from their sides.

“No, then?” the Doctor said.

He stepped in front of his companions and twirled the staff around in his hands readying himself for a fight. As the guards advanced on him, Donna looked up and noticed that they were almost under a massive wooden chandelier. She looked at the heavy chain holding it up and suddenly got an idea. Without warning, she ran in front of the Doctor.

“Hey, boys!” she said striking a seductive pose. “Look at me, I’ve got red hair!”

The Doctor paused with his staff in his hands watching as the guards stopped and stared at Donna with uncontrollable lust.

“Yeah, that’s right. I’m ginger,” Donna said, running her fingers through her hair. “I bet you boys want some of this, don’t ya?”

“UH-HUH!” the guards said in unison.

“Yeah, I thought so,” Donna said, flipping her hair around.

The Doctor looked at Rose and Martha while Donna strutted around and fondled her hair. Suddenly, she stopped and looked up.

“My, my, what a big chandelier,” she said. “That’s the biggest chandelier I’ve ever seen.”

She walked over to the Doctor, threw his arms around him and leaned her head back.

“It’s amazing how that little tiny chain can hold up that huge chandelier,” she said. “I’d be afraid that thing would fall and crush all of you.”

She flipped her head back and gave the Doctor a pointed look.

“If I were you boys, I would go find a screwdriver and fix it.”

The Doctor’s eyes widened in sudden realization.

“Donna Noble, you little minx, you are a genius.”

“Tell me something I don’t know, alien boy,” she purred.

She stepped forward, striking a seductive pose while the Doctor whipped out his screwdriver, aimed it at the chain and turned it on. For a moment, nothing happened and then with a sudden SNAP the chandelier fell on top of the guards knocking them to the floor. Donna looked at the Doctor, a smug look on her face.

“See, it pays to be ginger sometimes,” she said.

“Yes, exactly the reason why I want to be one,” he said, bitterly “I keep trying and trying and I don’t get ginger hair.”

“Eh,” Rose said, hugging him from behind, “ginger hair is overrated. I like brown and tousled myself.”

The Doctor paused.

“On the other hand, brown and tousled is good,” he said. “Ginger is very overrated.”

She giggled and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“So, now that the guards are dispatched, shall we continue the search?” he said.

“Ready when you are, fearless leader,” Rose said.

The Doctor smiled.

“I like that, fearless leader. I need to put that on my business cards from now on. But, for now, less talk, more walk. Come on!”

They ran on and the Doctor resumed his open, close door search.

“Okay…office, office…blimey, they have a lot of offices in this place, I didn’t realize slave smuggling had that much paperwork attached to it…bedroom, bathroom, rec room, closet…oh look, big fur coats for all of you, now you don’t have to freeze to death on the way back to the TARDIS. Here you go….everyone got them on now?...good…and now, back to the search…office, office…AH-HA!”

He flung open a door and looked into a large room that had multicolored satin pillows covering every inch of the floor.

“Either this is the satin pillow room’s the harem.”

He leaned his head in and cursed when he saw it was empty.

“And…either the slaves are all on their break or…there’s no slaves here, at the moment. Drat, I suddenly have a bad feeling the only three slaves on the premises are you guys.”

He closed the door and leaned against it.

“We can’t keep this up forever, our luck’s gonna run out. Eventually, Zonk or Bonk or those guards are gonna recover and come after us and if we get too deep into the fort, we might not get back out alive. On the other hand, if there are slaves in here I don’t want to give up the search and…”

“Oh, Doooooooooooooctor!”

The Doctor paused and looked across the room. Rose was standing in front of an open door staring back at him.

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?” he said to her.

“Could you come here a moment, my darling little Doctor?”

“Why, my precious little Rose?”

“Just come and look, I think you’ll find the contents of this room quite interesting.”

The Doctor leaned up. He, Donna and Martha walked across the hall. Rose stepped aside and the Doctor leaned his head into the door. He blinked in surprise when he noticed the whole room was filled with explosives.

“Lookie, my darling little Doctor, I found the ka-boom room,” Rose said, sweetly “You wanted the fort put out of commission, didn’t ya?”

The Doctor grinned. He grabbed Rose by the arms.

“Come here, you big furry thing, let me give you a, you are the most brilliant woman in the universe kiss.”

“Oi, I thought I was the most brilliant,” Donna said.

“Eh, it changes from moment to moment depending on my mood,” the Doctor shrugged.

He gave Rose a big kiss on the lips.

“Okay, everyone, let’s get this room set up and then let’s go pay our good friend, Zonk another little visit, shall we?”

Zonk groaned and slowly opened his eyes. He looked all around and noticed Bonk was still unconscious.

“Bonk, Bonk, wake up!” he said.

He tried to move his arms and cursed when he realized his wrists were tied. Slowly, getting to his feet, he moved towards the door.

“I swear, if I find that slave hunter, I’m gonna wring his neck,” he said.

He turned around, grabbed the doorknob with his hand and tried to turn it. He cursed when it wouldn’t open.

“HEEEEEELP!” he screamed.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the door unlock and saw the doorknob turn.

“Oh thank the gods, someone heard me,” he said.

His relief was short lived when the door was flung open and the Doctor strolled in.

“Oh! It was you calling for help!” he said. “I never would have guessed. With that high pitched voice of yours, I figured it was a woman.”

“You! You’ll pay for this! No one crosses me and gets away with it!”

The Doctor smirked as he stared at his shrimpy little body.

“Call me crazy, but somehow I don’t quite believe that,” he said.

“You listen to me, this instant!”

“No!” the Doctor said in the most authoritarian voice he could muster. “You listen to ME!”

Zonk instantly shut up when he noticed the Doctor meant business. The Doctor smiled.

“Thank you. I love it when people cooperate with me, makes a big difference in how quickly things get done. Now…I am only going to tell you this once, so listen up. I found your little room of explosives and I rigged it so this fort goes sky high in twenty minutes. Now…considering what you and your ilk have been doing here, I have every right to just walk right out the door with my friends and let the stone walls come crashing down on top of you, but I’m going to give you a chance. You have less than twenty minutes now to get everyone out and get them to safety.”

Using his screwdriver, he burned through the leash binding his wrists.

“Rose, do the same for Bonk here while I finish talking,” he said, handing it to her.

Rose took the screwdriver from him and squatted down beside Bonk.

“Now, this place is going to be razed to the ground and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll tell all your buddies not to rebuild it. In fact, you’ll tell everyone to dismantle your little slave trading operation because if I have to come back and stop you again, you will live to regret it.”

Rose finished burning through the leashes and handed the screwdriver back to the Doctor.

“I know you don’t know who I am, but trust me, I’m the last person you want on your case, so heed well my words. Now, get everyone out before you all die.”

He smiled.

“Bye now.”

He turned and he and his companions quickly ran for the front door as Zonk ran for the alarm button.

They were almost to the TARDIS with the explosion came. The four of them spun around and watched as a massive fireball threw parts of the fort high into the sky. The Doctor scanned the area around the fort and noticed a large group of people standing nearby watching it. He looked, but as far as he could tell, there were only men standing there.

“Looks like there weren’t any women in the fort after all,” he said to them. “I guess they moved them all before we came.”

“Unless they left them in there and let them die,” Martha said.

The Doctor shook his head.

“I doubt that. They would have lost a lot of credits that way. They would be fools to just let those women sit there and go up with the fort.”

“Do you think this is an end to the slave trading ring?” Rose asked.

“It will be once I put in an anonymous call to the galactic patrol,” the Doctor said. “I want to make damn sure that no one is able to rebuild this place or move elsewhere.”

He watched the last of the falling rubble.

“Well, team, back to the old TARDIS,” he said, turning.

“Good, we can finally get out of these leather nightmares we’re wearing,” Donna said.

“Oh, come on, they aren’t that bad. They actually show off your bodies in a nice way,” the Doctor said, as they resumed walking. “Maybe if you wore that, you’d actually find a date, Donna.”

“No, sorry, I keep telling you, I’m not interested in dating E.T’s,” she said.

The Doctor stared at her.

“And you don’t think Earth men would find that sexy?”

“Yes, that’s the problem. I want to find a nice man, not a horny, slobbering pervert.”

“Oh now, nothing wrong with a horny, slobbering pervert. It’s fun to have someone hanging off of you, worshipping your body. Observe.”

Rose gasped when he grabbed her roughly. She laughed when he stared at her with wide-eyes and breathed heavily on her face. He looked at Donna.

“Now, see, what’s so bad about all that?”

Donna shook her head and walked away.

“Sometimes it’s hard to believe you are this great big alien genius, the way you act,” she said as she walked.

“What? I’m just showing you that having a stalker drooling on you is not all that bad, Donna!” he said, as Rose and Martha bent over laughing. “I do this kind of thing all the time to Rose and she doesn’t seem to mind.”

“Yeah,” Donna said, looking back at him. “Well, no offense, but Rose is also into dating aliens from outer space.”

“Yeah, she has great taste in men, so what’s your point?”

Donna threw up her hands and kept on walking to the TARDIS. The Doctor looked at Rose and Martha.

“Now see, you guys think I’m attractive. You think I’m cute as a button, don’t ya?”

“Yup,” Rose and Martha said.

The Doctor got between them and put his arms around them while they followed Donna back to the TARDIS.

“See, Donna’s problem is she hasn’t figured out that I’m God’s gift to the universe and if she’ll just find someone exactly like me, her dating problems would be completely eliminated. Like you, Martha, you found a doctor who’s warm and cute and cuddly and smart, just like me. You figured out that if you want to find the perfect mate, pick someone like me. Cause let’s face it, you just can’t get any better than yours truly. Am I right?”

“Yup,” Rose and Martha said, nodding.

The Doctor sighed as both women snuggled up against him.

“Someday, my girls, someday…we’ll show Donna the light,” he said. “In the meantime, you just keep on snuggling up against me with those warm, soft fur coats. Keep me all warm and snuggly and happy, that’s the secret to getting along with me, you know. Just keep me warm and snuggly and happy and I’ll do anything you want, as opposed to getting up in my face, calling me a dunce and shrieking at the top of your lungs. That tends to do the exact opposite….most of the time. I mean, let’s face it, Donna can be intimidating when she wants to be and you know, most of the time I let her have her way just to keep the peace. But…I can put my foot down and be the boss when I want to, you two do know that, don’t you?”

“Yup!” they said in unison.

The Doctor smiled.

“Yup, that’s what I like about you two; you’re smart enough to know who’s really in charge.”

They giggled as the Doctor squeezed their shoulders and kissed them on the cheeks. Reaching the door of the TARDIS, he let go, unlocked it and ushered them all inside. A few minutes later, the familiar wheezing started and the TARDIS slowly vanished into thin air.

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