Chapter Sixteen

Despite Ianto’s protests, he walked back into the room with silver and blue hair. Jack grinned.

“I’m very persuasive when I want to be, plus I promised Ianto we’d do something extra special tonight if he did it. Gwen back here was gonna grab a bag and put it over her pretty powder blue hair, but I said no,” he said, hooking his thumb back at her.

“I can’t believe I went through with it,” Gwen mumbled. “I’m so glad Rhys isn’t here to see this. He’d kill me.”

“I think he’d be quite taken with the whole sky blue doo,” Jack said. “It’s not the worst thing he’s seen since we let him in on what we’re doing.”

The Doctor walked into the room with an armload of CD’s

“Blimey,” he said, stopping short. “Look at everyone. We need a group picture now.”

“NO!” Donna, Gwen and Ianto said in unison.

The Doctor grinned and carried the CD’s over to the stereo. On the way over, he stopped short when he noticed a desk.

“Um…where’d this come from?” he asked with wide eyes.

“That…is the desk we were standing by when you decided to be cute and land on top of us,” Jack said.

“Oh…you guys got pizza? Great, I’m in the mood for some pepperoni. Thanks for pitching in, Jack!”

“Think nothing of it, Doctor,” Jack said while Gwen and Ianto laughed.

The Doctor dropped the CD’s down by the stereo. He grabbed the one off the top, put it in and hit the play button. He began to dance when Beat It started playing. He boogied over to Rose and took her hand.

“Let’s party!” he said.

He and Rose began to dance while everyone joined in.

“So, Doctor, speaking of Michael Jackson, where’d you get the jacket?” Jack called to him.

He grinned.

“From the man himself.”

“Get out of here.”

“No, it’s true. I also gave him the idea for this,” he said, showing him the glove.

“Oh really, how?” Jack said.

“Well,” he said, sniffing. “I was on my way to have tea with him and I was in the Wardrobe Room trying on different outfits and I picked up a pair of trousers from the floor and a little sequined glove was stuck to the back. I walked out and when I was walking past Michael the glove dropped off, landed at his feet and the rest is history.”

“Oh, bullshit, Doctor,” Jack said as everyone laughed.

“It’s true! And I taught him how to do the Moonwalk.”

“You did not,” Jack said.

“I did too. Why do you think it’s called the Moonwalk? The dance move originated on the moon! I learned it from a race of aliens that live deep within the moon. They taught it to me and I taught it to him.”

“Okay, then do the Moonwalk,” Jack said.

The Doctor looked at Rose and shook his head.

“No one ever believes me when I tell them these things,” he said. “Okay, stand back everyone and prepared to be awed.”

They stood back and watched while the Doctor executed a perfect Moonwalk. Then, he spun around and grabbed his crotch while he pointed.

“Satisfied now, Harkness?” he said when everyone applauded.

“Just never know when you’re being serious,” Jack said.

“Yeah? Well, I could say the same about you,” the Doctor replied, taking Rose’s hand.

“Breakdance for us now,” she said.

The Doctor stared at her.


“Yeah, do some breakdance moves since you know how to do the Moonwalk.”

The Doctor looked around and noticed everyone was watching him expectantly.

“I don’t know how to breakdance. I never had the desire to learn any dance move that would make me look like I was having a grand mal seizure. So, sorry to disappoint you.”

“Stand back, everyone, the breakdance master is in the house,” Jack said.

The Doctor stared at him.

“You…know how to breakdance.”

“I know how to do the Windmill and the Worm.”

“And…how does knowing two moves make you a master?”

“Because I am,” Jack said, smugly.

Rose snickered while the Doctor folded his arms over his chest and gave him a pointed look.

“Well?” he said when Jack stood there. “Make with the moves, master!”

Jack motioned for everyone to stand back. He squatted down on the floor, put his hands on the ground in front of him and stopped.

“Oh yes, that was dazzling. I don’t know why I ever doubted you, Jack,” the Doctor said.

“Just…give me a second, alright?” Jack replied when everyone laughed.

Everyone stared at him waiting for something to happen.

“What’s this, the bullfrog?” the Doctor said.

“I’m trying to remember how to do it,” Jack said, testily.

“I thought you were a breakdance master,” the Doctor said.

Jack flipped him off.

Then, slowly, Jack swung his leg around and let out an “oof” when he lost balance and landed on his ass.

“What was that move? The I Fallen And I Can’t Get Up?” the Doctor said as everyone laughed.

“I haven’t done the moves in two decades, give me a break.”

“I haven’t done the moonwalk in two centuries and yet, I could do it perfectly. What’s your excuse? Getting slow in your eternal old age, are you? Or…are you the one who’s full of bullshit?”

Jack stood up.

“I don’t have the right clothes on,” he said.

The Doctor pointed out the door.

“I have a Wardrobe Room that has almost every article of clothing ever made. You want me to take you to it so you can get changed, I’ll be more than happy to…”

“No, that’s fine. I’ll just save myself the embarrassment and let you gloat instead.”

“Thanks, Jack, that’s very kind of you.”

He grinned when Jack flipped him off and walked over towards Ianto. The Doctor put his arms around Rose as Spandau Ballet’s True started to play.

“Well, thanks to that, we’ve missed a bunch of songs now. It’s a good thing Jack gave up; otherwise we might have gone through several CDs waiting for the master to wow us with his breakdancing skills.”

Rose put her hand on the back of his neck while they swayed to the song.

“And of course, you were able to do your move perfectly,” she said.

“Yes, I was, because unlike macho man braggart boy, I put my money where my mouth is.”

He looked over at Jack who flipped him off. He flipped him off in return. Jack flipped him off again and the Doctor obliged him with another obscene hand gesture.

“Could someone please tell me why it is that the two oldest people in the room are acting like the youngest?” Donna called out.

The Doctor and Jack flipped her off. She flipped them off.

“Gee, Donna, you must be immature too since you’re joining in now,” the Doctor said.

“I’m just briefly lowering myself to your level, so you can better understand me,” Donna replied.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. He looked at Rose who flipped him off.

“What’re you doing that for?” he asked.

Rose shrugged.

“Because I can,” she said.

“You’re going the right way for a smack bottom with that kind of behavior,” the Doctor said.

He grunted when Jack ran over and slammed into his backside.

“Can I have a smack bottom too while you’re at it?”

“NO!” he yelled as everyone laughed.

“I’m just saying, if you’re in the mood to smack asses, I wanna be first in line,” Jack said, walking back to Ianto.

“When I decide to start artificially upping people’s IQs, then I’ll be sure to let you cut in front of the queue, until that day, you can get smack bottoms from Ianto there.”

Jack gave his lover a hopeful look.

“Not here,” Ianto said.

Jack pouted and sighed while he embraced him and slow danced.

Rose hugged the Doctor tightly and put her chin on his shoulder. She sighed, taking in his familiar scent while the Doctor rubbed her back. She looked out and noticed that Martha and Donna were talking to Gwen by the table. All three of them were giggling and nodding and eyeing the Doctor. They noticed Rose’s confused look and put their fingers to their lips. Wondering what was going on, Rose remained silent and watched while they each got some ice out of a wooden ice bucket and began to creep over to him. Her eyebrow rose when she watched them position themselves with their hands hovering just above his trousers. Then, suddenly, they grabbed his waistband and shoved the ice down his pants. They ran off laughing hysterically while the Doctor screamed and spun around.

“I’ll get you all for that and don’t think I won’t!” he yelled as they bent over the table laughing.

He looked at Jack who was snickering.

“Um…correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the woman with the light blue hair is one of yours. Aren’t you supposed to rein her in and prevent her from putting ice down my trousers?”

“Well…that’s the trouble. I never have been able to make Gwen mind; she’s a very willful woman when she wants to be.”

The Doctor looked at Rose who was snickering.

“Et tu, Tyler?” he said, putting his hands on his hips.

“I didn’t know what they were doing,” she said, innocently.

“Um…apparently, they were hovering around my trousers like a trio of vultures with ice cubes in their eager hands. You didn’t think that was strange?”

Rose gave him an innocent look and said nothing.

“Seems my childlike trust in you has been shattered into tiny pieces,” the Doctor sighed. “I guess there’s just no relying on anyone these days.”

“Aaaaah, my poor Doctor, how can I make it up to you and restore your unyielding faith in me, your devoted companion?” Rose said, stroking his cheek.

The Doctor thought.

“Wander over in a sort of northerly direction towards the snack table and procure me a ham and cheese sandwich and a small glass of Coke with a couple of cubes of ice. Bring these to me without complaint and all shall be forgiven.”

“Yes, my Doctor,” Rose said, bowing.

Jack watched while Rose walked over, fixed a small cup of Coke, put two ice cubes in it, grabbed a ham sandwich and walked back.

“Damn, Doctor, you got Blondie trained,” he said when the Doctor took the food and beverage from her hands.

The Doctor took a bite of the sandwich and a sip of the Coke.

“It is satisfactory. You are forgiven,” he said to Rose.

His eyes widened when Rose fell to her knees and prostrated herself before him.

“Oh thank you, merciful one,” she said as the other women howled with laughter. “I am pleased that I have served you faithfully yet again! You are the sun and the moon and the stars, my master!”

The Doctor took a bite of the sandwich.

“Keep going,” he said through the mouthful of food when Rose stopped speaking.

He was shocked when Martha and Donna ran to Rose’s side and fell to their knees in worship. Gwen bent over laughing as the three of them fawningly proclaimed the Doctor’s magnificence.

“Okay, Ianto, Gwen, on your knees! I need to be adored too!” Jack said.

Ianto snorted.

“Sorry, I’m not in the mood to grovel. I’m getting a sandwich. You’re on your own, Jack,” he said, walking away.

“Get back here, Jones and pay homage to me! The Doctor is not the only one who has companions! I need lip service paid and paid now!”

“So did you catch the match the other night?” Ianto said to Gwen, ignoring Jack completely while he grabbed the sandwich.

“Yeah, good game I thought,” Gwen replied, munching on a nacho.


They ignored him. Jack looked at the Doctor who was giving him a smug grin while his three companions lay face down on the floor and proclaimed to all through their laughter that they were scum compared to the Doctor.

“Yup, I know how to choose my assistants well,” he said to him. “Guess it takes more than being a poster child for the Time Agency to be a great and charismatic leader, huh? Guess the Oncoming Storm inspires more awe and reverence than the Face of Boe. Guess Time Lord trumps immortal guy every time. But, don’t feel bad; if you work hard and use a mind control device of some sort, you might gain the kind of fawning obedience I engender in my team.”

Jack flipped him off. The Doctor flipped him off. Jack flipped him off again.

“Oh, Christ, we’re back to this now,” Ianto said as everyone laughed.

“That was a fantastic evening,” Jack said as he, Gwen and Ianto stood by the doorway. “Unfortunately, I couldn’t convince Ianto or Gwen to keep the hair coloring.”

“Well, you didn’t keep yours either,” Gwen said.

“Yes, well, I’m the leader. I have to look dignified and professional when I go talk to the police.”

Gwen and Ianto looked at each other.

“I’m not touching that one,” Ianto said.

“Neither am I.”

Everyone embraced each other and the Doctor opened the door and stepped aside as they picked up their desk and carried it out.

“Oh,” Jack called back. “Next time, don’t land on us. It’s a pain in the ass getting this back out the door.”

“Will do!” the Doctor said.

They waved at each other and the Doctor closed the door behind him.

“Now,” he said, slapping his hands together. “Back to the open road!”

“And back to the beauty salon so I can get my hair changed back,” Donna said.

The Doctor pouted.

“Aw, I like your hair that way. It’s very pretty. You sure you wanna change back?”

“I have never been so sure of anything in my whole entire life. So, once the TARDIS is airborne, take me back there and fix it.”

The Doctor shrugged.

“You?” he asked Rose. “Don’t tell me you’re going to get rid of the lavender locks?”

“Um…sorry, but I really like my hair the way it was, but it was fun having it this way for a night.”

The Doctor looked at Martha.

“And I suppose you’ll be changing back as well?”

“Actually, I kinda like the red highlights. I might keep it this way for awhile.”

The Doctor beamed.

“Well, at least someone appreciates my handiwork,” he said. “Okay then, into the vortex and then into the hair salon and then onto bed for the three of you, I suppose.”

“What about you? You gonna change back?” Rose said.

The Doctor grinned.

“Oh, hell no, I’m not going outdoors with you looking like a foppish nightmare,” Donna said.

“Fine, you can go back home then if you don’t wanna be seen in public with me!”

Donna grinned and flipped him off. The Doctor returned the smile and flipped her back. Rose and Martha looked at each other and joined in, laughing as everyone flipped everyone else off. Then, with a sigh, the Doctor put his arm around Rose and led everyone back to the beauty salon.

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