DIARY OF A HALF HUMAN TIME LORD

Chapter Thirteen

On the way back to Jonathon's flat, neither one said anything. Rose's spirits were completely in the gutter as she thought about her new friend possibly dying from breast cancer. She had been fortunate in that up until now none of her friends or family had ever suffered from it. Her grandmother on her mother's side had died of lung cancer when she was 76, a heavy smoker all her life which was why neither Jackie nor she ever picked up the habit. But that was it; the other members of her family died of heart failure or strokes or went in their sleep. This was brand new to her, but as terrible as she felt about it, she figured Jonathon felt a whole lot worse. He hadn't said a word to her since they left the pub, just kept on staring out the side window, lost in his thoughts. She didn't want to say anything since she figured he needed time to process it so she kept her thoughts to herself and drove.

"Rose?"

Rose looked over at Jonathon who had finally looked her way.

"Yes?"

"Do you believe in God?" he asked.

"Yeah, I do," Rose said.

Jonathon thought about that.

"I don't know," he finally said. "I mean, neither the Doctor nor I have ever seen evidence of a higher being guiding everything. The Doctor's studied the bible and the Christian religion but…"

He sighed.

"I s'pose what I'm getting at is the whole concept of prayer. I know that people pray for those who are sick but…I don't know if I should pray for Suzanne because I don't know if it'll do any good. I'm not him entirely anymore, I have a human side and with it comes that urge to connect with a higher power and be spiritual but there is still the Time Lord side of me that thinks it's a load of malarkey. I feel conflicted, Rose, is what I'm on about."

Rose's heart ached for him and she reached out and took his hand, giving it a squeeze.

"I don't think it would hurt anyone to pray for her, Jonathon, if that's what you want to do. The worse that could happen is nothing happens and she dies but you never know, people have gone into remission and she could still do that even if the chemo didn't work. You just have to be hopeful and have faith."

Jonathon nodded and turned his gaze to the window as Rose squeezed his hand. Suddenly he pounded the top of the dashboard with his fist causing Rose to jump and nearly swerve the car into the other lane.

"Damn him!" Jonathon snarled.

"Damn who?" Rose said in shock.

"The Doctor. Damn him for leaving me stranded without a TARDIS. If I had one, I could take her somewhere where they'd be able to cure her completely. If she dies, it'll be his fault!"

Rose bit her lip to keep from crying but she could no longer hold it back when Jonathon lowered his head and began to cry softly. She looked around and pulled off to the curb. She stopped the car and turned it off and gathered him into her arms as he wept.

"Oh God, Rose, I don't want her to die," he said between sobs.

Tears ran down Rose's cheeks as she kissed the top of his head and rubbed his back. She swallowed hard as she continued to kiss and caress him, trying to ease the pain he felt and let him know that things would be alright, no matter what happened. They stayed that way for about twenty minutes until Jonathon finally slowed his tears and his weeping subsided into sobs and sniffing. Rose kissed his cheeks and Jonathon kissed back when her lips came near his.

"Let me take you home," Rose whispered. "Let's go to your flat and we can relax or go to bed, whatever you want to do. Is that okay?"

He swallowed and nodded and Rose kissed his cheeks again.

"She'll be alright, Jonathon. You just have to believe that," she whispered.

He nodded again and Rose nuzzled his cheek with her nose before she started the car back up again. She held Jonathon's hand while he looked out the window and she pulled out again into traffic and hurried for the flat as fast as she could.

Once they got home, Jonathon decided to go to bed instead of sitting up and watching TV. Rose decided to do the same to keep him company. While he showered and composed himself, Rose made sure Boots was fed. While she ate her cat food, Rose knelt down and stroked her back sending a silent prayer to God for both Suzanne and Jonathon. Once she was finished, she moved back into his bedroom and got changed there. She pulled the covers down, got in and pulled them back up, waiting for Jonathon to come in. After twenty minutes, she heard the shower cut off and another ten minutes after that; Jonathon came into the bedroom in his pajamas with his hair slightly damp. He managed a small smile for her and Rose smiled back as she pulled down the covers on his side of the bed. Jonathon shut out the light and crawled in with her.

"Feel better?" Rose said softly.

He nodded.

"But…" he said. "I had another thought while I was in there."

"What about?" Rose said softly as she rubbed his side.

He cupped her face with his hands.

"I was thinking that what will happen to Suzanne is going to happen to me now," he said. "When I die, there'll be no regeneration, nothing to save me."

Rose swallowed hard and nodded as Jonathon stroked her cheek.

"And this body is in its late thirties and male humans don't tend to live as long as females which means I might go first."

Rose lowered her eyes and contemplated that while she continued to rub his side.

"If we do make it to old age, I'm going to be just as old and infirm as you are. There'll be no young Doctor to love so are you sure you want to be with me?"

Rose eyes flicked up to his and she gave him a shocked look.

"Yes, Jonathon, I want nothing more than to be with you for the rest of my life," she said.

"It's just that I'm mortal…"

"And so am I which is why you're perfect for me. Jonathon, everyone dies eventually, some leave sooner than others. I love Suzanne, she's a great mate, but fate dealt her these cards and she's going to have to live with what happens, whether or not she goes into remission. If she dies, then at least you can say you were her friend and were there for her. I know this is new to you since Time Lords regenerate…"

He shook his head.

"Death isn't new to me, Rose. At least it's not new to the Doctor. He had companions die before and I expected that someday I would have to deal with death but not this soon, not when I'm finally finding a little happiness in life."

Rose smiled sadly.

"Happiness is a brief and fleeting thing and most of the time we just have to learn to cherish it when it comes so we can have the happy memories when it leaves."

Jonathon stared at her.

"That's profound coming from a chav," he said.

He giggled when Rose smacked his arm and he gave her a kiss.

"Just trying to lighten the mood a bit. I know I haven't been much fun to be around since we got out of the pub."

"And I understand that. Don't worry. I'm not exactly happy about it either. I just want you to remain calm and find the strength to go into work and pal around with Suzanne. If these are her last moments on Earth then let her go into the afterlife knowing she had some fun with you and all her friends, yeah?"

Jonathon nodded.

"And don't stay angry at the Doctor. I'm sure if he knew that this was gonna happen he would have given you a way to save her or stayed and saved her himself. You have to let that anger go, love. You can't go around your whole life angry at him because it'll do you more harm than good and you'll end up dying even younger than you're s'posed to. Just let things be and go with the flow, alright?"

"Alright," he said.

Rose kissed him and laid her head against his. She grinned when she heard the familiar mewing beside the bed.

"Someone's finished eating," she whispered to Jonathon.

"And for once, I'm glad she's around to sleep with us," he said to her.

"Me too."

Rose rolled over and picked her up. She rolled back and set her down between them. She smiled tenderly when Boots went over and rubbed up against Jonathon's chest while she purred loudly.

"I'm so glad now you found her," Rose said as Boots lay down beside him.

"Me too," Jonathon said, stroking Boot's back.

They lay there for about an hour, stroking Boots and talking to each other before they finally decided to go to sleep. Rose snuggled down close to Jonathon and he kissed her forehead tenderly before he laid his head on the pillow and closed his eyes.

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