Chapter Four

The Doctor and Rose sat side by side on the captain’s chair. Jack and Ianto were taking naps and the two of them, being bored out of their skull, had landed on a planet for a bit of exploring. They had just returned, and finding Jack and Ianto still asleep in their beds, decided to wait for them to wake in the console room. The Doctor had his feet propped up on the rim of the console relaxing his body while Rose quietly read a book.

As the Doctor stared up at the ceiling, he suddenly saw a tiny black object zoom past his eyes. He blinked, wondering if he was imaging things, but no, there it was again. He leaned up and looked all around searching for the object.

Then, he saw it. He stared at it in wonderment when it stopped and hovered right over Rose’s head. It looked like a teeny weenie black spaceship. He watched, spellbound, as the teeny weenie spaceship slowly lowered itself and landed on top of Rose’s head.

Rose looked up from her book when she felt something on her head. She reached up to brush it off, but the Doctor grabbed her hand.

“No, don’t move a muscle,” he whispered to her.

“Doctor, what’s going on?”


He watched, fascinated, as a tiny hatch opened up in the side of the ship, a little ramp lowered down to Rose’s head, and a teeny weenie, purple skinned alien wearing a skin-tight black outfit walked down it and onto the surface of Rose’s head.

“Doctor, is there something on the top of my head?” Rose asked.


He watched, as the alien looked around Rose’s head. He walked over to a hair follicle, picked it up, and examined it intently.

“Doctor, for the last time, what is going on?” Rose said.

“Um, I don’t know how to tell you this, but a little alien is exploring your head.”



The alien dropped the hair follicle, walked back into his spaceship, and emerged a moment later carrying a little flag on a metal flagpole. The Doctor stared at the flag. It had a green background and a picture of a red planet with a ring around it. The Doctor recognized it, as the planet they were currently on.

“Fascinating,” the Doctor murmured.

“What is?” Rose said.

The alien walked to the center of Rose’s head, paused a moment and then rammed the sharp end of the flagpole directly into Rose’s scalp.


The Doctor slammed his hand over Rose’s mouth, listening to her muffled curses while he watched the alien walk back into the spaceship.

“What the hell was that?” Rose said when he let go of her mouth.

“Um, well, apparently the alien has just claimed your head in the name of his planet,” the Doctor said.

“Well, what was that sharp pain?”

“He planted a flagpole in your skull.”

“He did what?”


The Doctor heard a tiny whinny, and he saw the alien riding down the ramp on a small, white horse. He watched, as the alien rode all over Rose’s head.

“Now, what’s it doing?”

“Riding a horse.”


“Rose, shhhh, you’ll scare him away.”

“Well, if he’s gonna plant more bleedin’ flagpoles in my skull, then I want him to go.”

The Doctor watched, as the alien surveyed his find. He paused a moment, reached into a tiny pouch, and brought out a tiny telescope. The Doctor chuckled to himself when he watched him looking around the TARDIS with it.

“Doctor, would you please get the bleedin’ alien off my head and quit looking at it?”

The alien turned the horse towards the Doctor and looked up at him with the telescope. The Doctor smiled and waved. The smile fell off his face when he heard the alien let out a high-pitched scream and rode the horse back into the spaceship.

“Ah, nuts, I guess I scared the little guy,” the Doctor said, sadly.

“Good, maybe the thing will leave me alone then!”

The alien emerged a moment later. It walked over to the Doctor and pointed a little laser gun at him. The Doctor raised his eyebrow when he heard the alien screaming at him in a high-pitched voice.

“Hey, don’t talk to me like that!” the Doctor said to him. “You are a guest in my TARDIS, and you are currently on my companion’s head. So, if I were you, I’d mind your manners and---“

He gasped when the alien fired a little laser bolt at him.

“What? What’s going on?” Rose said, turning her head to look at him.

The alien screamed at the sudden shift in terrain and fled into his spaceship. The Doctor watched, as the ship flew up off Rose’s head and sped away. Rose looked up and noticed it for the first time.

“Oh my God, that was on top of my head?” she said, pointing.

The Doctor stared at her, then looked at the tiny flag sticking up out of the top of her head, and bit his lip, trying to keep from laughing.

“Um, yeah, that’s the little alien visitor. Apparently, he is from here. Must have flew in like a wasp when the door was open.”

“Well, how are we gonna get him outside again?”

“Not sure, perhaps we can fetch a broom and kinda bat him towards the door and…”

He trailed off. He noticed the little spaceship was flying back towards them with a slightly bigger spaceship in pursuit. The Doctor and Rose watched, stunned, as the two spaceships began a mini air battle right over their heads.

“I swear to Rassilon, if these two gits damage my console, I will bring them both down and stomp them into dust,” the Doctor said angrily.

The Doctor and Rose watched, as the two ships flew around the console room trading fire with each other. Then, the first spaceship landed on Rose’s head.

“Oh, hell, not again,” Rose muttered.

The Doctor watched, as the other ship landed next to it. Doors opened in both ships, ramps came down, and the purple alien ran out. A white skinned alien wearing a gold outfit came out of the other ship, and the Doctor watched, as the two aliens stood by the flag, arguing. The Doctor leaned in, watching, as the two aliens grabbed their laser guns, aimed them at each other’s heads, and fired. His eyes widened when both aliens fell down dead.

“Now what are they doing?”

“Um…they’re dead.”


“They’re dead, Rose. You have two alien corpses on the top of your head now.”

“So, now what? Do we have a mini alien funeral for them?”

“Well, the proper thing to do is cremate them.”

“Okay, so what, we hold a match to their bodies?”

“Nah, I’ll just build a tiny pyre on top of your head and set it alight.”

He snickered when Rose turned and gave him a dirty look.

Just then, Jack came into the console room.

“Okay, guys, I’m awake now. What do you wanna do…”

He paused when he noticed Rose.

“Um, Rose, why do you have a flag in the middle of your head? And, are those spaceships?”

Rose sighed when Jack walked over and looked at her head.

“What’s this? Dolls or something?” he said, pointing to the alien corpses.

“No, those are the inhabitants of this planet. Rose and I went out for a walk and apparently they followed us back, had a mini war, and killed each other on top of Rose’s head.”

Jack looked at him.

“Why wasn’t I informed that a cool thing like this was happening?”

“I wasn’t aware you wanted to be informed,” the Doctor said.

“Are you kidding? Teeny aliens having a battle on Rose’s head? I’m up for that, anytime!”

Rose rolled her eyes when the Doctor and Jack snickered.

“Okay, alien battle is over, now will you please get the dead bodies off my head?”

“We can’t move these bodies, Rose, it’s disrespectful,” Jack said, sternly. “Where are your manners at a time like this?”

“Besides, the alien in black claimed Rose for his people. Therefore, her skull is a territory of this planet, which means we must find this guy’s people in order to get permission to move the bodies. Otherwise, we might create a universal incident that might result in all-out war.”

“You mean, planets might be destroyed and billions of people might die if we remove the bodies from Rose’s head?”

“Exactly, we must be delicate, lest we provoke these aliens’ friends. So, what I propose we do is take Rose to my lab and put her head in a clamp, so she can’t move her head and disturb the bodies. Then, you and I will scour the surface of the planet, find this guy’s people and…”

He trailed off when Rose jerked her head forward, throwing the bodies and ships to the grate in front of their feet. She reached up, found the flag, plucked it from her head, and threw it to the floor beside them.

“Anyone needs me, I’ll be in the den,” she said, walking off.

The Doctor and Jack stared at the mess and then looked back at her.

“Rose, do you know what you’ve done? You’ve brought war and destruction down upon our heads!” the Doctor yelled at her.

“Yeah, if we get bombarded by tiny ships, it’ll be all your fault!” Jack added.

Rose flipped them off and walked out of the room. The Doctor looked at Jack and shook his head.

“No respect for the dead. Sad, really,” the Doctor said to him.

“Yeah, it’s a shame that such valiant little warriors were treated so callously,” Jack said, nodding.

The Doctor scooped everything up. He had a thought, opened up the door of the smaller ship and looked inside it. He breathed a sigh of relief.

“I can see the horse. It’s still alive.”

“There’s a horse in there?”

“Yeah, a little teeny horse. The alien in black rode him.”

“Okay, that settles it. Next time this happens, you wake me up, so I can see the little alien riding the horse!” Jack said.

The Doctor walked to the front door, opened it, and gently deposited the ships, bodies, and flag on the ground beside the TARDIS, making sure the door was still open, so the horse could get out. He stood back up.

“Godspeed, little warriors,” the Doctor said, somberly.

Jack came up beside him and saluted the bodies. They stood and stared at them for a moment.

“I’m hungry,” Jack said, suddenly.

“Yeah, me too, up for some chips?”

“Sure! Then, we can find something else to do to pass the time.”

The Doctor nodded. He and Jack turned, closed the door, and headed for the kitchen.

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