Chapter Twenty Two

The TARDIS loved her Doctor dearly but there were times when she felt the urge to play a few pranks on her beloved Time Lord. She also loved it when Rose teased the Doctor and she knew he loved her playful teasing even if he sometimes feigned annoyance. She could see Rose as she wandered the corridors. She could tell Rose was bored and looking for something to do. She decided to give Rose something to do to alleviate her boredom.


Rose whistled to herself while she explored the TARDIS. She had been with the Doctor about a year and a half and she still hadn't seen very much of the TARDIS. She was always looking for new corridors and rooms to explore in between the times they were out running and helping people.

She turned the corner and stopped short when she noticed a semi-transparent woman was standing in her way. The woman had milk white skin with long brown hair and was wearing a long TARDIS blue dress that had gold Gallifreyan circle writing all over it.

"Um…hello?" Rose said hesitantly.

"Do not be afraid, Rose Tyler. I am the TARDIS. I am the holographic interface I use when I wish to speak to people directly."

"Oh yeah? Hi, TARDIS," Rose said, coming closer to her. "It's nice to chat with you for once."

"I do not do this often. I prefer to stay in my true form and keep watch over all. I wanted to speak with you though."

"Really? Cool!"

"I love the Doctor and I know you do as well."

Rose nodded.

"There are times when our Doctor becomes a bit too melancholy so I like to play pranks to cheer him up."

"Really?" Rose said.

"Yes. And I noticed you looked bored so perhaps you and I can team up and play a prank on the Doctor."

"Oh yeah, count me in!" Rose said.

"Very well, this is my idea. First, I will cloak you in a force field that will cover you and make you invisible to the naked eye."

"So I can sneak up on him and scare him?" Rose said.

"Perhaps but I was thinking of you doing this…"


The Doctor put his heels up on the rim of the console and relaxed in his jump seat while the rotor sent out a soothing rhythm. He closed his eyes and began to meditate. He frowned when he felt fingers in his hair and he opened his eyes. He looked around but didn't see anyone. Thinking it was his imagination, he closed his eyes and went back to meditating.

"Wugga wugga!"

The Doctor's eyes snapped open when he heard Rose's voice near him. He looked around but couldn't find her. He shook his head, wondering if he might need a rejuvenating rest while he closed his eyes again.

"Squeeee, squee!"

The Doctor's eyes snapped open again when he heard Rose's voice again. He put his feet down on the grate and got up.

"Rose?" he said, walking around the console. "Are you in here?"

He walked all around the console but didn't see Rose anywhere. He scratched his head, wondering if he was hearing things.

"You got a nice bummy, mummy!"

The Doctor spun around when he heard Rose behind him. He gasped and spun around the other way when he felt someone pinching his butt.

"Mmmm, bummy pinch, good!" Rose said in a deep voice.

"Where are you, Tyler? Come out and show yourself now!" the Doctor yelled as he walked around in a circle.

"I am everywhere and nowhere. I am the booty pinching monstah!" Rose said in a deep voice.

She giggled when the Doctor slapped his hands over his buttcheeks and continued to search for her.

"Nope, not down there," Rose said when the Doctor kept his hands on his butt and bent over to look for her through the grate.

"Show yourself, Rose!" the Doctor yelled.

"I am everywhere and nowhere. I am the Bogey Lord!"

"Yeah, right, get out here now!" the Doctor said.

"The Time Lord shall be sacrificed for my glory! So says the Bogey Lord! Thy bum shall be pinched until you bleed out and die!"

"Not likely!" the Doctor said, keeping his hands firmly on his cheeks. "You come out of hiding this instant before I ask the TARDIS to find you."

Rose laughed at that and the Doctor spun around. From his point of view, it seemed like the laughter was coming from everywhere.

"The TARDIS is mine. I have taken it from you!" Rose said ominously. "She obeys my will now!"

"Sure she does! Come out, Tyler, now!"

The Doctor gasped when the TARDIS surrounded him in a force field bubble and he was lifted off the ground. The Doctor hunched down as the bubble floated around the console.

"You see? The TARDIS has turned against you, Captain Mumbly Bumbly!"

"What have you done with Rose and my TARDIS?" the Doctor said as he floated around the rotor. "Something has possessed my ship and my companion and that something better leave now and give them back to me!"

"Ha! You are powerless, Time Lord. You're also rather cute and have a nice bum that's very pinchable but mainly, you're powerless. Fear me, I'm the Rosinator! I shall have you and your bum, I swear it!"

"Rosinator?" the Doctor said.

"Yes, like the Terminator, only I look like Rose," Rose said. "Now surrender your bum to me or I shall show you no mercy, Bubble Time Lord! Bum! Buuuuuuuumah!"

"Rose, come out of hiding and quit being weird," the Doctor said.

"I am the Rosinator and I shall have thy bum!"

"TARDIS, let me down and show me where Rose is hiding," the Doctor said.

"No, the TARDIS is mine to command and control! I shall order her to pinch your bum until it falls off your backside!"

"TARDIS…" the Doctor said. "Put…me…down…now!"

He breathed a sigh of relief when the bubble floated back down and dissipated as soon as his feet hit the grate.

"Thank you," the Doctor said after testing the sides to make sure the bubble was gone. "Now…show me Rose."


The Doctor spun around and stepped back in shock when he saw Rose's head from the neck up.

"Moo?" Rose said sweetly. "Pinch your bum then, Bubble Time Lord?"

"TARDIS, get rid of the cloaking force field you got around Rose so I can see her properly."

"Awww, you're no fun," Rose said when her whole body appeared. "The TARDIS wanted to have a laugh and asked me to help take the mickey out of ya. No harm done, yeah?"

The Doctor chuckled.

"Yeah, well she loves doing this from time to time. She is a bit of a prankster. In that respect, you two are very much alike."

"Well, I was bored and she used her hologram to come and ask me to have a bit of fun with ya," Rose said. "You do tend to be a bit serious sometimes."

"I s'pose," the Doctor said.

Rose laughed when he covered his butt the moment she tried to pinch it. He gave Rose a wry look and she laughed harder and ran away when the Doctor tried to pinch her butt in return. Rose paused at the back door and waved at the Doctor. The Doctor smiled and waved back and shook his head when Rose went out of the room.

"Sometimes I wonder about you, TARDIS," he said to his ship as he sat back down on his jump seat.

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