Chapter Twenty Seven

Rose stepped out of the shower and dried herself off with a fluffy pink towel. She put her clothes on and wrapped her hair in the towel like a turban. She stepped outside the bathroom and stopped short when she heard a faint, "Rooooose!" coming from somewhere off to her right.


It was the Doctor but he sounded like he was far away. Rose cleared her throat.

"Doctooooooooor!" she bellowed.

There was silence and Rose waited for a response. After two minutes, she didn't hear anything more and was about to go ahead and go back to her room when suddenly the wall in front of her parted and the Doctor stepped through it.

"Aha, there you are," he said.

Rose gave him an odd look. He wasn't wearing his usual outfit. He had on a red hoodie that had DAWG written on the chest in huge black letters and he was wearing blue jeans but had them down far enough that she could see his blue boxes. He had on Nike tennis shoes that looked like they'd seen better days.

"Yo!" the Doctor said, making the peace sign.

"What is this?" Rose said, pointing to his clothes.

"This is me being bored and rummaging through my clothes cupboard. I have tons of clothes, thought I'd have a laugh trying on different things.

"Um…this doesn't look good on ya," Rose said. "Especially the slouchy jeans."

"It's what some humans wear though, right?"

"Yes, but that doesn't mean you need to wear it," Rose said.

"Bear with me here a moment, my Rose."

He cleared his throat.

"Yo, what's going down, dawg? Fo shizzle, my nizzle."

"No, don't do that," Rose said, shaking her head.

"I will put a cap in your arse," the Doctor said, walking away.

He paused a moment and stared down at his jeans while Rose came up behind him.

"Blimey, this is hard, how do humans walk while keeping these things up?" he said, tugging at the top of his jeans. "Anyway, where's Harkness. I need to put a cap in his arse."

Rose giggled and followed him while he walked off in search of Jack. After several steps, he put his hood up and Rose quickened her pace until she was walking beside him.

"I'm an ASBO," the Doctor said as he walked. "I'm a badass motherfucker. Will put a cap in yo arse, for sho."

"God, Doctor, you sound like a git when you talk like that," Rose said, secretly loving the Doctor's playacting.

"Um…hmmm, blimey…this is hard," the Doctor said as he stopped and pulled his jeans up again. "They keep inching down. How can I put a cap in someone's arse when I'm constantly adjusting my trousers? Very difficult. Must make a study of Earth clothing sometime. Anyway, on to find Jack," he said as he and Rose walked on. "Um…what else is there that people who wear this clothing usually say?"

"My homey?" Rose offered.

"Ah yes. Yo, my homey, how's…things?" he said with a frown. "Not up on all the slang. Have to make another study of that."

"Bi-yatch?" Rose said as they walked. "Ho? Peeps?"

"Yes, yes, thank you. You're being very helpful," the Doctor said, smiling at her.

"Thank you," Rose replied.

"TARDIS, where's Harkness? Lead us to him before I trip and fall in these things," the Doctor said, pointing down to his jeans.

The wall beside them opened and they walked through it.

"Come along…bi-yatch," he said to Rose as they walked. "You are my ho, for sho."

Rose giggled at the hesitant use of the slang. She thought it sounded cute coming from him. After a few minutes, the wall opened up and the Doctor and Rose stepped through. Rose froze when she saw Jack in front of them. He was lounging in a Jacuzzi, sipping a beer and relaxing. Jack did a double take when he saw him and his eyes settled on the Doctor.

"What the hell happened to you?" he finally said to the Doctor.

"Yo, Dawg, I'm an OG, fo sho."

Rose bent over laughing at the confused look on Jack's face. The Doctor flipped the vees at Jack.

"I am a gangsta so don't diss me!" the Doctor said to Jack.

"Rose, did the Doctor get possessed by some gangsta wannabe alien or something?" Jack said to Rose.

"Don't diss me or I'll put a cap in yo arse!" the Doctor said to Jack. "I am representing Gallifrey, yo! Time Lord in da hoooooouse!"

Rose was now laughing so hard no sound was coming out.

"Hey, Eminem, wanna go change back into your normal clothes and act like your normal self?" Jack said to the Doctor.

"Are you dissing me, homey?" the Doctor said, walking over to the edge of the Jacuzzi.

"Yeah, I'm dissing you…homey, because you is lame fo sho," Jack said mockingly. "You is wack, dawg, so go get your clothes on, Vanilla Ice, before I bring out my nine and bust a move on your bum!"

"Oh God, I shoulda brought a camcorder in here," Rose gasped as she held her aching side.

"I am the OG, dawg!" the Doctor said, giving him the thumbs up. "Here is my gang sign. I'm flashing it because I am so awesome, yo."

"Your gang sign is the thumbs up? Wow, you must come from a really retarded gang then," Jack said dryly while Rose laughed.

"I want lots of cheddah, so give me some!"

"Doctor, before you become the Gangsta Lord, will you please learn how to speak like one?" Jack said. "You sound like a drunk idiot."

"I gots to have me some benjamins, yo!" the Doctor said. "My ho and me gotta represent!"

"And is the hyena over there your ho?" Jack said, pointing to Rose who was busting her gut with laughter. "I wouldn't call Rose a ho if I were you, she'll slap your wack face off, yo!"

"Nah, she's my bi-yatch, she's down with me!"

"So you're a ho and a bi-yatch and you're okay with that?" Jack said to Rose.

"I don't care what he calls me. I just want him to keep going with this," Rose said.

"So while you're representing, is the TARDIS going off course and landing us in the middle of a volcano, yo?" Jack said to the Doctor.

"Nah, my homey knows where to land. She's a super duper dawg, yo!"

"You sound so idiotic, Doctor. And you look like a nightmare, please go away!" Jack said while Rose laughed hysterically.

"I'm an ASBO."

"Yeah, I believe that," Jack said. "But seriously, go away now and let me relax."

"We could get some blunts and smoke em," the Doctor said.

"Gee, watch as the Doctor gets stoned out of his mind and eats the entire TARDIS dry. Dare I get out of the Jacuzzi for that?" Jack said.

"Do you have any cocaine for my brain?" the Doctor said.

"Jesus, you don't need cocaine, you're hyper enough as it is," Jack said.

"I need a thirty."

"Huh? A what?"

"A thirty, homey," the Doctor said as he mimed drinking something.

"I think you mean a forty, Dingle Dork," Jack said while Rose laughed. "Like I said, get your slang right before you pretend to be Snoop Timey Time Lord."

"Forty, is that what's that called, fascinating," the Doctor mused while Jack glanced at Rose and rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I got the term for marijuana correct, yes?"

"Yes, which amazes the hell outta me since I can't picture you lighting one up. Then again…now the image has popped into my mind of you and Rose getting stoned and eating down a pile of crisps. It's an interesting image and I'll be sure to mention it to my psychiatrist when I find one. Now go away…Dawg!"

"Aaaah, this was quite fun," the Doctor said as he turned back to the hole in the wall. "Wonder what else I can find in the wardrobe room?"

Jack watched as the Doctor walked out of the room.

"Rose, if that man comes back here dressed as a mime and starts walking against the wind, will you please shoot me and keep on shooting me for all eternity," he said.

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