Chapter Twenty eight

The Doctor opened the doors and smiled when he looked out at the planet, Gable. The TARDIS had been malfunctioning and he had landed her for repairs but he couldn't resist taking a peek at the planet's surface. It was a desert planet with sparkling white sand and thirty foot dunes. The TARDIS had landed near the bottom of a very large dune and the Doctor looked up at it as the wind swirled the sand around on top.

"Beautiful," the Doctor said, pulling a small digital camera out of his pocket.

He took a picture of the dune and then headed around the corner to take more pictures. While he was doing that, he was unaware that a creature was coming up over the dune and heading for the open door of his TARDIS. The animal had giraffe legs, an alligator body and tail, giraffe neck and the head of a barn owl. The animal went directly into the TARDIS while the distracted Doctor took a photo of a tiny lizard sunning itself on a rock. By the time the Doctor returned to the TARDIS, the creature had left the console room and was roaming the TARDIS.

Jack and Ianto were in the living room, sitting at a card table playing poker and sharing a bowl of cheese doodles. Ianto had just dealt the cards and Jack snatched a cheese doodle from the bowl and grinned as he put it in his mouth. He had three aces. He looked at the pile of money in front of him and put a five pound note in the center of the table.

"Large wager," Ianto said.

"I'm confident enough. So you going to raise the bet or fold?"

Ianto snorted and put in a five pound note and a one pound coin. Jack nodded and put in a ten pound note.

"You must be really confident," Ianto said.

"Or, I'm really bluffing. Care to risk it if I am?" he said.

Ianto thought that over. While he did, he glanced over Jack's shoulder and froze. Jack frowned when he saw his wide eyed stare.

"What?" he said.

Ianto pointed and Jack turned in his seat and nearly fell off it when he saw the creature walking towards him.

"What the hell is that?" Jack said, pointing to the creature.

"Offhand, I'd say it's a giraffe/alligator/owl thing," Ianto said.

"Oh Christ, please say the Doctor doesn't do weird genetic experiments in his spare time and…HEY!" he said when the creature walked up to the table, lowered its long neck and began to eat the cheese doodles.

"Okay, Jones, what do we do now?" Jack said as the creature feasted.

"Why are you asking me?"

"Because you cornered Myfanwy in the warehouse, so you must be the expert on trapping animals. Now what do we do about the Frankenstein thing here?" Jack said, pointing to the creature as it munched on a cheese doodle.

Ianto leapt up, threw out his hands and yelled, "BWAAAAA!" as he waved his arms around. The creature turned and bolted from the room.

"Great plan, Steve Irwin, now what do we do about it rampaging through the ship?" Jack said dryly.


Rose was taking a shower and singing happily while she listened to a waterproof IPod. She was singing Firework while she lathered herself with soap. While she soaped up and sang, the creature pushed open the slightly ajar door with its hoof and entered. Rose was standing with her back to the shower nozzle while she let the hot water run down her back. She continued to sing as she turned around. Then her singing turned to screaming when she saw the creature. It had walked up to the shower and stuck it's head over the shower door. Rose stood frozen in place while she stared at an owl head a foot above her.

"Doctor!" she screamed. "Doctor! What is this thing? Get it out of here now!"

The creature stepped back as Rose stumbled out of the shower. It watched her while she ran over to an intercom on the wall and rammed her fist onto the call button.


The Doctor was under the console whistling cheerfully while he worked in the circuitry. He paused in his work when he heard a beeping above him. He muttered angrily as he slid out from under the console and leapt to his feet. He pushed the intercom button and the beeping stopped.

"Yes?" he said.

He jerked his head back when Rose let out a scream followed by "GET THIS SODDING THING AWAY FROM ME!"

"What? What sodding thing?" the Doctor said into the intercom.


The Doctor let out a world weary sigh and told Rose he'd be there in a moment. He walked away from the console, asking the TARDIS to move the room Rose was in to the back door. He entered the room and did a double take when he saw the creature standing beside a wet, naked Rose.

"Get it out of here!" Rose demanded as she thrust her finger at the creature. `

"Um…yeee-ah, I s'pose I better," the Doctor said as the creature began to hoot at him. "Um…wait a tic."

Rose followed him as he went back into the console room. The Doctor turned and looked at Rose who was dripping wet and naked. He raised his eyebrow and pointed out her nakedness.

"I don't care if I'm starkers, I'm not staying in there with that thing!" Rose said.

"Well, it doesn't matter now anyway," the Doctor said as the creature came through the door.

He sighed when the intercom beeped again. He and Rose hurried to the console and he pushed it.

"Yes?" he said into it.

"Have you been doing genetic experiments and not telling us?" Jack said.

"If you mean the giraffe/alligator/owl thing that's now in my console room, no, I haven't."

"What is it?" Jack said.

"Haven't a clue but It's eating my controls. Oi!" the Doctor said, shooing it away from the console.

The TARDIS opened up a hole in the wall and Jack and Ianto stepped into the console room. Jack froze when he saw Rose and gave her an appreciative look before Rose quickly covered her breasts and genitals with her hands. She ran back towards the bathroom while Jack gazed at her.


Jack jerked his head around when the Doctor cleared his throat loudly and threw open the front doors.

"Eyes on this!" he said, pointing to the creature that was now using one of the support columns like a cuttlebone.

"Where'd it come from?" Jack said.

"I'm guessing from outside unless it carries its own personal transmat. Help me get it outside!" the Doctor said.

"Ianto! Use your technique," Jack said.


Ianto ran towards the creature, waving his arms and screaming.

"Technique," Jack said dryly.

They watched while the creature turned towards the back door and ran straight for it. The Doctor and Jack tried to intercept it but it galloped through the back door and Rose let out a scream.

"Doctor, get this thing before I snap its neck!" Rose yelled from the bathroom.

The Doctor, Ianto and Jack ran into the bathroom and surrounded it, yelling and waving their arms. Rose gasped when the animal tried to kick out with it's long legs. She looked around, snatched up her hair drying and threw it at its rear end. The animal panicked when the hair dryer made contact and ran back out the door. The three men ran with it, waving their arms until finally the creature went outside. The Doctor slammed the doors shut and locked them before breathing a sigh of relief.

"Well, lesson learned, I won't leave the TARDIS doors open on a strange planet while I snap some photos," he said, walking over to the console.


(One week later…)

"Ah, the planet Balboa!" the Doctor said as he stepped outside the TARDIS into a forested area.

His eyes widened when he saw a blue butterfly flapping around the trees. He grabbed his camera and followed it as it went behind the TARDIS. While he was doing that, a blue skinned lizard alien came through the trees with an armload of magazines and walked into the TARDIS. Rose was asleep on the jump seat with the Doctor's trench coat spread across her. The alien walked up to her, tapped her on the shoulder and Rose gasped as she jerked awake.

"Hello, I'm a Jehovah's Witness, Balboa chapter, would you like a copy of the Watchtower?"

The Doctor was coming around the side of the TARDIS after snapping the photo when he suddenly heard "PISS OFF!" He froze and watched as the alien bolted from the TARDIS and ran back into the forest.

"DOCTOR, SHUT THE BLEEDIN' DOOR!" Rose bellowed from inside the TARDIS.

"Bollocks, I really must remember to do that," the Doctor said before heading inside his ship.

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