Chapter Thirty One

"So what do we do now?" Rose said to the Doctor. "What if Dracula attacks us?"

"Oh, that's the best part," the Doctor said.

"Come again?" Rose said.

"Wanna see how I was about to outwit this book?" the Doctor said.

"Okay," Rose said.

"Bring Dracula here!" the Doctor yelled.

"Wait!" Rose said, holding up her hand.

There was a flash and a ghoulish looking man with pale skin and huge bloodied fangs appeared before them. He was dressed in a black suit, white shirt, black bow tie and a black opera cape with red lining. He hissed at them while the Doctor gave him a smug look.

"You will both die," Dracula said.

"Now, my Rose, watch this. Suddenly, a raincloud appears over Dracula's head."

Rose blinked when a little black raincloud appeared over Dracula's head just as the Doctor described.

"A small thunderstorm started," the Doctor said.

Dracula looked up at the cloud when it began to light up and boom thunder.

"Suddenly, without warning, a lightning bolt hit Dracula in the arse," the Doctor said.

Dracula screamed when a lightning bolt shot down and hit him in the butt. Rose gave the Doctor a questioning look and the Doctor grinned.

"This is a living book, Rose. I figured out you could change things if you act like you are narrating the story. Observe! Suddenly, the Doctor, Rose and Dracula found themselves on an ice cream planet."

Rose was taken aback when the castle vanished and they were standing on a planet filled with ice cream. Everywhere she looked there was ice cream in cones, bowls and laying on the ground.

"What is the meaning of this?" Dracula said to the Doctor.

"While Dracula asked the Doctor what was happening, he suddenly lost his clothes," the Doctor said.

Rose giggled when the clothes vanished off Dracula's body. Dracula gasped and looked around for his clothes.

"Care to have a go at him?" the Doctor said, gesturing to Dracula.

"Um…let's see," Rose said. "While Dracula looked for his clothes, a bunny appeared on his head."

She laughed when a little brown lop eared bunny appeared on Dracula's head.

"And the bunny had severe diarrhea and let it go on Dracula's head," the Doctor said.

Dracula screamed when brown poo ran down his head.

"You'll pay for that, you fools!" Dracula said.

"Suddenly, the Doctor, Rose and Dracula were transported to Tellytubbie World," Rose said.

The Doctor snickered when the outdoor world of the Tellytubbies appeared around them. Dracula looked at the baby inside the sun and pointed at that.

"What is that thing?" Dracula said as the baby cooed.

"While Dracula was looking at Sun Baby, evil Noo Noo appeared and tried to hoover him into his belly," the Doctor said.

The Doctor and Rose laughed when noo noo appeared, let out an elephant-like bellow from it's hose and began to chase Dracula all over the place. Dracula tried to get the pooing bunny off his head but it was stuck like glue to his head. Noo Noo kept bellowing at him and trying to suck him up while Dracula kicked rabbits out of his way in his haste to get away from the possessed creature. Rose laughed, enjoying every minute of this.

"Suddenly, Dracula and Noo Noo disappeared and Rose and the Doctor were sitting on a large bed in a red velvet bedroom," the Doctor said.

Rose blinked when she was suddenly sitting on a four poster bed beside the Doctor. The blanket underneath them was red satin with black trim and the walls were made of red velvet. The table beside the bed had a wooden lamp with a red velvet lampshade on it and even the teddy bear sitting on top of the red velvet pillow was red velvet. Rose gave the Doctor a wary look as he waggled his eyebrows.

"Rose changed into a red velvet teddy for her Doctor," he said.

Rose gasped when her clothes were replaced by the teddy.

"Doctor, I'm warning ya! Don't go any further with this!" she said.

"Suddenly, Jack appeared out of the blue with binoculars," the Doctor said.

Jack appeared in the room. Rose put her arms across her chest when he started looking at her breasts through the binoculars.

"The Doctor was about to kiss Rose when he suddenly realized he had no mouth!" Rose said.

The Doctor's eyes widened when his mouth disappeared, leaving a blank piece of skin where it should be. He glared at Rose and pointed emphatically to the missing mouth.

"And his hair became a Mohawk…um, a purple Mohawk!" Rose said.

The Doctor felt his hair which was now spiked up and purple. He gave Rose an incensed look while she smirked. She glanced at Jack who was now staring at the Doctor's hair through the binoculars. Rose giggled at that.

"The Doctor got a duck bill in place of his mouth."

"Okay, Rose, this is not funny," the Doctor said, speaking through the bill when it appeared on his face. "Rose suddenly became three inches tall and appeared in the Doctor's hand."

He laughed when there was a flash and Rose appeared in the palm of his hand.

"Oi," Rose said in a high pitched voice. "This isn't funny, Daffy, let me go!"

"Then Rose was locked inside a mini cage at the mercy of the Doctor."

"Let me go!" Rose shrieked as the cage appeared around her.

"The Doctor returned to normal but Rose was now his prisoner and only he could set her free," the Doctor said.

The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief when his mouth and hair returned to normal. He giggled when Rose glared at him from the tiny cage.

"Now, my little bird, what to do with you? Shall I give you wings and make you my budgie?"

"Let me go, Doctor, before I narrate you into a puddle of slime!" Rose said in a high pitched voice.

"Oh, alright, we've had our fun here," the Doctor said.

He narrated Rose out of the cage and back to her proper size before he reached into his pocket and pulled out the box. He pushed the button and they were transmatted outside the book.

"There we are," the Doctor said, putting the box down beside the book. "Now, let's see what else I can show you."

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