Chapter Forty

"So, anyway," Jack said. "The Wishmaker demanded his surrender."

"And suddenly Rose awoke and saw his face in the monitor and she cried out for him!" Rose said melodramatically.

She giggled at Jack's stunned look.

"You could let me play me in this story, save ya some time narrating it," she said.

Jack looked at the Doctor.

"And…are you playing you then?" he said.

"Come on, Doctor, bit of roleplaying. He can be Wishmaker," Rose said, pointing to Jack.

"Take it away then, Blondie," Jack said. "You see the Doctor and…"

"Doctor, it's me! Help me!" Rose yelled as she clasped her hands together as if to beg for his help.

The Doctor glanced at Jack who was shaking with silent laughter.

"Come on, Alien Thespian, pull out those acting abilities of yours," Jack teased.

The Doctor glanced at Rose and it was his turn to grin at her cheesy begging pose. He cleared his throat.

"Rose," he said. "I've been searching for you everywhere! Where have you been?"

"I've been shooting up speedballs, rummaging through bins and lying in a box in an alley."

Jack laughed at the bemused grin on the Doctor's face.

"Nooo!" the Doctor howled while Rose laughed. "Not my Rose, she wouldn't shoot up heroin, no!"

They both looked at Jack, waiting for him to continue.

"Wow, suddenly I'm at a loss for words here," Jack said. "Um…that's right, Doctor. Rose is a junkie and only I can end her pain! She wishes not to feel anything so I'll turn her into a bunch of roses! Bwahahaha!"

"Um…hmmm, should I want that or not?" Rose muttered to herself. "Um…okay, I want that to happen then just to see where it goes." She cleared her throat. "Yes, I want to become a bunch of roses, I don't want to feel anything anymore!" she said melodramatically.

"Honestly, Rose, pull yourself together," the Doctor said sternly as he put his hands on his hips. "I trained you better than this and…wait, gotta take another massive dump in the loo."

Jack and Rose bent over laughing when the Doctor clenched his fists, squenched his eyes shut and made grunting noises as he pretended to use the toilet. Then he let out a sigh of relief and relax.

"Sorry, have a problem with my bowel movements today. I was saying that Rose would never act like this on her own unless someone was making her say such things."

"I'm a heroin addict, Doctor," Rose said.

"That's no excuse, young lady! I have half a mind to come onto that ship and shake some sense into ya!" the Doctor said, wagging his finger at her.

"Wow, that sounded like mum for a moment," Rose said. "Um…Jack, wanna say something now?"

"Um…Surrender, Doctor, or you will watch her become roses!" Jack said, thrusting his finger into the air.

"Will you let Rose go if I do?" the Doctor said.

"Of course. He says with his fingers crossed behind his back," Jack said. "I will free Rose if you come up here."

"Why do I not believe you, Mister Old Codger I Kicked In The Balls Once?" the Doctor said.

"Damn you for doing that!" Jack said melodramatically. "You will suffer for that, Doctor!"

The three of them were now so engrossed in the roleplay that they failed to notice Ianto walking into the room. He slowed and stopped near the door while he watched them.

"I told you I'd surrender! What more do you want? Let Rose go now!" the Doctor said to Jack.

"What the hell?" Ianto muttered under his breath.

He glanced at Rose and noticed she didn't seem to be in need of letting go. In fact, she was laughing.

"I will if you surrender and come into my ship," Jack said.

"Very well, I will come onto your ship now. Using my transmat beam."

Rose laughed and Jack's eyes boggled when the Doctor got up and sat right down in his lap.

"There, I'm on your ship now," the Doctor said.

Rose laughed hysterically when she noticed Jack was trying to hide the fact that he was turned on by the Doctor being on his lap.

"No sex, remember," the Doctor said to Jack.

"Um…just a sec, gotta compose myself before I continue," Jack said. "Um…Ha ha ha, now I have you and now you will join Rose as I turn her into roses!"


The Doctor and Jack turned their heads when Rose finally noticed Ianto.

"What are you doing?" Ianto said.

"It's not what it looks like," Jack said. "We're having some fun doing some roleplaying and we just got a little bit into it."

"Oh," Ianto said. "I wondered what the hell was going on. I came in when the Doctor was saying he'd surrender if you let Rose go."

Jack quickly explained what was going on after Rose invited him to come and sit with them. Ianto sat down beside Rose and shook his head.

"You lot are strange sometimes," he said.

"Yes, but you have to admit we're loads of fun," Jack said.

Ianto looked at the Doctor.

"Are you comfortable?" he said to him.

"Well, Jack's lap is a little lumpy. I suspect that has to do with the bulge in his trousers but other than that, yes, I'm comfy."

"And you're making up some story about Rose being a junkie and being turned into roses?" Ianto said.

"It's what I want," Rose said, putting the back of her hand against her forehead. "I don't want to feel anymore!"

She laughed when Ianto gave her a wry look.

"No, Rose, I must join you in your floral living death!" the Doctor said while Rose laughed. "I must hold you and then we can become intertwined and look great on one of those trellis things."

"No!" Rose said, putting her hands over her heart. "You mustn't sacrifice yourself for me! You must live on and be the Time Lord and dump in the toilet and things."

"You lot are very strange," Ianto said when everyone laughed. "I came in here to get my magazine and I find myself in the middle of some operatic roleplaying game."

"Just goes to show you never know what will happen on the TARDIS," Jack said. "One moment we're fleeing Daleks, the next moment Rose is a crack whore and part time rose bush who must save her lover from joining her on the trellis."

Rose giggled insanely and the Doctor launched himself at her.

"No! She can't be a part time rose bush, that's my job!" he said before the two of them collapsed into hysterical laughing.

Jack giggled as Rose and the Doctor put their arm around each other's shoulders.

"So, much more interesting than Hunger Games?" the Doctor said to Rose.

"Yeah, it was. I loved it," Rose said.

"See that suit, Yan. It goes with that helmet over there," Jack said, pointing to the Doctor and then to the helmet. "See, I asked the Doctor if I could borrow it but he's being mean and won't let me."

"Mainly because I'm afraid what substances might end up on it when you hand it back to me in the morning," the Doctor said.

"And that's an anal probe," Jack said, pointing to the coffee table. "But he won't let me use it either. I thought the probe part might fit snugly inside…"

"Okay, I think that's quite enough for me," the Doctor said while Rose laughed. "I will get back to the console room while you lot have fun."

He gathered up his things and was about to get the helmet when Rose grabbed it for him.

"I'll help ya," Rose said.

The Doctor nodded and they told Jack and Ianto they'd see them later as they walked out the door.

"Would you be upset if I did become a junkie and turned into roses?" Rose asked as they walked.

"Nah, I'd uproot ya and place you in the TARDIS. The TARDIS would take care of you for centuries and we'd be together," the Doctor said.

"As a rose, you'd want me to be a rose for centuries," Rose said to him.

"Yes, because then I could gather ya and put ya in a nice floral arrangement and you'd do more than just sit around reading Hunger Games all day."

"I'd also put a thorn in your bum," Rose said.

"You do and I'll anal probe ya," the Doctor said, holding the probe up.

He laughed when Rose tried to put the helmet down over his head and she gave chase as they ran back to the laboratory.

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