DOCTOR WHO SILLY STORIES
Chapter Forty Four "Bugger!" Rose let out an angry sigh while she tried to pull a knot out of her thread. Her mother had given her a cross stitch kit, claiming she needed something to do when they had down time. She decided to give it a try and opened the kit up. It contained a small piece of canvas, needle and thread and a pattern of a dolphin jumping out of the ocean. She read through the directions and was trying to teach herself how to do it but she kept pulling the thread unevenly through the hole and kept getting knots in the thread that caused her to stop and undo her work. While she was working, the Doctor passed by the living room door. He heard Rose curse, backed up and leaned back to see inside the living room. He took in the fact that she was doing needlework before walking on. "Blimey, I never had much patience for this stuff. This won't relax me, it'll drive me bonkers," Rose muttered to herself as he laid the canvas aside. She let herself take a break before starting again. She looked over when the Doctor entered the room carrying a canvas tote bag in his hand. He walked over to the chair beside the sofa and smiled warmly at Rose when he sat down. Rose watched, shocked, when he pulled out a large bundle of mauve yarn, a pattern, two knitting needles and something he was working on. "What?" Rose said as the Doctor inserted the knitting needles in the stitches he left unfinished, put the pattern in his lap and began to knit. "You knit stuff?" "Yes," the Doctor said, pausing to look at her. "I noticed you were doing some needlework so I decided to join you for a bit of relaxation." "What are you making?" "A jumper. I make jumpers for no one in particular, it just relaxes me." "Okay. How long have you been able to do this?" "Oh….blimey, since my fourth body. I made myself a scarf. Course I went a little bonkers and made it super long but I had fun knitting it. And you, how long have you been doing needlework?" "About an hour," Rose said, picking up the canvas and looking at with disgust. "Mum gave it to me. Told me it'd relax me but it hasn't done anything but frustrate me." "You must remain calm and take your time, Rose," the Doctor said. Rose watched while the Doctor resumed his knitting. While he was doing that, Jack came in the room, stopped and watched the Doctor. "Dear God, the man really can do everything," he said, walking over to him. "Whatcha making?" "A jumper." "For me?" "No." "Why not?" Jack said while Rose giggled. "Because I don't know your size and I don't wanna know because the second I ask, you'll strip." "Oh yeah? Well, we'll see who's the more craftier one around here then!" The Doctor paused in his knitting as Jack stomped out the door. "Rose, did I just issue a challenge to Jack and not know it?" he asked her. "Jack hears what he wants to hear, Doctor," Rose said, picking up the canvas for another try. "I agree with that," the Doctor said, resuming his knitting. He paused five minutes later when Rose cursed again. He put his knitting down and transferred to the sofa. "Tell me what frustrates you," he said, sitting down beside her. He began to help Rose with her cross stitching. Once the Doctor showed her what she was doing wrong, she relaxed and her frustrations eased away. The Doctor watched while Rose stitched and Rose smiled and nodded when he gave her hints and tips on how to improve her stitching. While they were doing that, Jack came back into the room holding a huge lump of clay that looked like a misshapen dildo. The Doctor stopped in mid-sentence when Jack slammed the clay down on the coffee table and pointed to it. "See?" he said. "I can be crafty and creative too!" Rose laughed when the Doctor stared at the dildoish lump of clay long and hard. "What is it?" he finally said. "It's a falcon on a piece of wood. I sculpted it one night." Rose watched the Doctor while he tried really, really hard to see a falcon on a piece of wood and not a misshapen dildo. "Well?" Jack said when the Doctor kept on staring. "Um…well, it really doesn't look like a falcon on a piece of wood, Jack," the Doctor said. "I won first place when I was twelve at the Boeshane Art Bazaar!" "And…you brought this on board the TARDIS now?" the Doctor said while Rose laughed. "I'm very proud of it," Jack said. The Doctor got up and beckoned to Rose and Jack to follow him. He walked out of the living room and down several corridors until he stopped beside a wooden door. They went inside and he turned on the light. Rose's eyes bugged out when she saw a gargantuan white marble statue of herself. She was naked and lying on a bed with only a sheet covering her private parts. Her head was turned towards them and one hand was on the side of her head while the other was down in her genitals. She had a come hither look on her face. "I sculpted this when I studied under the great Morgo Borsini, the greatest sculpture of the thirty second century. This was my finished piece and Morgo had to approve it." Jack stared at the statue in awe. It was at least twenty foot tall and thirty foot wide. "Rose" was perfect in every detail. "You just have to show everyone up, don't ya?" Jack said to the Doctor. "I'm merely pointing out that your sculpturing skills need a bit of improvement. Perhaps I can take you to see Borsini. Although he's a bit of a taskmaster." "Why did you sculpt me?" Rose said. "Why wouldn't I sculpt you? You don't like it? I tried to be tasteful with the sheet and all," the Doctor said. He frowned when Rose walked over to the wall and whispered something to the TARDIS. There was a flash and Jack and the Doctor staggered back when a forty foot tall statue of the Doctor appeared beside Rose. It was the Doctor, completely naked and erect with water shooting out of his penis and his mouth into a circular pool below. The statue was on a marble base in the middle of the pool and the Doctor had one arm pointed to the sky. They could see sculpted armpit hair in his armpit that looked like a small tribble had invaded. "There, I sculpted that to go with your sculpture of me. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going back to my cross stitch," Rose said. "Goodbye." They watched while she opened the door, walked out and slammed it. "Say, can I ask the TARDIS to sculpt one of us in bed together?" Jack asked eagerly. He cleared his throat when the Doctor glared at him. "Just askin'," he said, heading towards the door. He looked back over his shoulder and noticed the Doctor was studying Rose's sculpture. He heard him say something softly to the TARDIS and suddenly red lettering appeared on the chest of the sculpture. Jack raised his eyebrow when he read… I AM A BUFF PIECE OF MANMEAT!" "There! I improved it. Shall we?" the Doctor said, walking towards Jack. Jack seriously wondered if he should bring Rose back to see what the Doctor had done before deciding that the Doctor probably had the TARDIS hide the room as soon as they left. Mentally shrugging, he followed the Doctor out of the room.
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