DOCTOR WHO SILLY STORIES
Chapter Fifty One The Doctor, Jack and Ianto were sitting at the table in the kitchen eating their breakfast. It was early morning and Jack and Ianto rose early to eat. Eventually, the Doctor joined for some eggs and bacon and coffee. While they ate, Rose came into the kitchen and sank down in an empty chair. "Doctor, I've been traveling with you for faaaaar too long," she said. "Why's that?" the Doctor said with a mouthful of eggs. "Because I had the most bizarre dream last night," Rose said. "And that's my fault?" the Doctor said. "I've been traveling too long so now my mind jumbles up things from my life and makes alien planets out of them." "Really?" Jack said. "What was the dream?" Rose was about to reply when the Doctor held up his hand. "I have a better idea. We can enter Rose's dream and see it firsthand." "How do we do that?" Ianto said. The Doctor beckoned to everyone and they got up from the table and followed him. He led them to a door that had a computer console to the side of it. On top of the console there was a helmet that looked like a motorcycle helmet with wires coming out the back that were attached to the back of the console. "This is a simulation room. I use it to battle enemies sometimes," the Doctor said. "You put the helmet on and the machine scans your mind and renders your thoughts and memories into realistic 3D simulations. If Rose will put the helmet on, I will ask the computer to scan her mind for the last eight hours and find any dreams she had in that time period. Then we go inside and watch the dream in glorious 3D. That way you won't have to waste breath telling us." "Is it safe?" Rose said. "Assuredly. I used it many times and I'm sound as a pound." Jack snickered when Rose gave him a dubious look. She picked up the helmet and put it on. The Doctor worked the controls and Rose heard a humming inside the helmet. "Scanning now," the Doctor said as he finished pressing a button. The scanning lasted for two minutes and then the humming stopped. The Doctor told her to take off the helmet and she took it off and set it down on the console. The Doctor looked at a small screen in the console while he asked the machine to pick out any dreams she had. "Ah! Got one," the Doctor said. "I'll tell the machine to render the dream in 3D and we go inside and become a silent part of it. Can't change anything though, only watch. Come on." He opened the door and all of them entered the room. They stepped into Jackie's flat and the Doctor closed the door. Rose was standing by the sofa chatting on the phone. "I can't go to the cinema, I have to wash mum's toes," Rose was saying into the phone. Suddenly a clown in a rainbow colored outfit danced through the kitchen door and began to juggle fish behind her while she hollered on the phone and remained oblivious to his presence. "No, this isn't the dream," Rose said. "Yeah but what's with the fish juggling clown?" Jack said, pointing to it. "I don't know but this isn't the dream," Rose said. "Then we go outside and find another dream. Come on." The Doctor led them outside and closed the door. He looked at the screen again and found another dream. "And again…" the Doctor said, opening the door. They went in and saw Rose standing on a paved road in a desert in front of a small town. The Doctor raised his eyebrow and looked to Rose. "This is the dream," Rose said. The Doctor closed the door and the four of them stood near it and watched. Dream Rose was looking around in confusion. "Doctor? Where are you?" she said. "Aw, Rose calls for me even in her dreams," the Doctor said. Dream Rose started walking towards the town. While she did that, Jack frowned. "Wait, I think I know this town," Jack said. The Doctor looked at him. "What town is it?" he asked. "It's…" Jack stopped speaking when a big rusty tow truck with a missing bonnet, eyes for windscreen and buck teeth in his grille came out of a scrapyard and sped towards Rose. "Yup, it's Radiator Springs from the Cars film," Jack said. "Woo-hoo!" the tow truck said, stopping in front of Rose. "We got us a customer. Say, you're strange lookin'. What kind of car are ya? You one of those fancy-schmancy electric cars?" "I'm not a car," Dream Rose said. "Oh? Is you one a'those bi-cycles?" "No," Dream Rose said. "I'm human and I'm lost and I'm looking for the Doctor." "Doctor? You need a doctor? We got a doctor here!" the tow truck said. "But we's got to be formal. My name's Mater, like tomater without the ta!" "I'm Rose," Dream Rose said. "Well, nice to meet ya proper, Rose. Welcome to Radiator Springs!" "So, Rose, watch cartoons often?" Jack said to the real Rose. "I saw it late one night somewhere," Rose said dismissively. "What is this place?" Dream Rose was saying as she looked around. "This here is Radiator Springs? You deef?" Mater said. "No, I mean what planet is this?" Dream Rose said. Mater gave her a blank look. Just then, another car zoomed around a corner up ahead and sped up to her. The car was a racing car, red with yellow lightning. It screeched to a halt beside Mater. "Ka-chow!" the car said, shifting its body so the light caught a lightning reflector near its mirror. The Doctor, Ianto and Jack laughed when Dream Rose gasped and covered her eyes the moment she was blinded by the reflection. "I'm Lightning McQueen, welcome to Radiator Springs. Gee, you're a funny looking car." "I think she's one of them fancy hybrid cars," Mater said to Lightning. "She's my girlfriend now. Ain't ya my girlfriend?" "No, I'm not," Dream Rose said. "You're not?" Mater said. "No," Dream Rose said. "Well, fuck you, you bitch, whore, skank, slut, tramp, ho!" Mater said. The three men bent over laughing while the real Rose turned crimson. "Wow, I don't remember that in the Cars movie," Jack said. "Rose must have gotten hold of an adult version of it." "She said she saw it late at night," Ianto said. "Oh yeah, she did, didn't she? Must be the porno version of Cars then," Jack said. The three men giggled when Rose flipped the vees over her shoulder at them. They all shut up when they suddenly heard a massive BOOM, BOOM, BOOM and saw the town shuddering as Dream Rose fought to keep her balance. They turned around and Jack's mouth dropped open when Optimus Prime entered the dream, walking over to Dream Rose and the cars. "Mixing up your movies,Tyler?" Jack said to Rose. "I told ya it was weird," Rose said. Optimus Prime walked up to the small group and looked down at them. "FELLOW TRANSFORMERS AND HUMAN CHILD. I AM OPTIMUS PRIME! OUR PLANET IS IN DANGER AND YOU MUST HELP ME, BROTHERS IN ARMS!" "What did you have to eat last night, Rose?" Jack said to Rose. "And how many recreational drugs did you consume after that?" Ianto added. "Ooo-eee, you's a big fella," Mater said. "You must be one of those newfangled SUVs!" "CYBERTRON IS IN DANGER, YOU MUST HELP ME!" Optimus Prime said to Rose. "WILL YOU HELP ME?" "No," Dream Rose said. "WELL, FUCK YOU, BITCH, SKANK, HO…" The three men howled with laugher while Rose muttered about this suddenly being a very bad idea. "Do you have an inferiority complex and it's coming out in your dreams, Rose?" the Doctor said. "Apparently, everyone in your mind thinks you're a bitch and a ho." They watched while a newcomer joined the group. Voltron that was made out of the individual cars landed beside Optimus Prime. "A FELLOW AUTOBOT! WILL YOU JOIN OUR FIGHT, BROTHER?" Optimus Prime said to Voltron. Voltron brought his hands together and a big sword grew out of thin air. The Doctor, Jack and Ianto snickered when Voltron decapitated Optimus Prime and the head landed in Mater's scrapyard while the rest of the body fell over backwards and flattened the rest of the town. "Hey, that wasn't very nice," Mater said to Voltron. "Yeah, we'll have to get Rose here to rebuild the town now," Lightning McQueen added. "Doctor!" Dream Rose said as she ran away from them. The Doctor, Jack and Ianto walked as she ran past them and out of view. "My girlfriend's a tad high-strung," Mater said to Lightning McQueen. "Okay, enough! Go! Out of here!" Rose said, pointing to the door. The three men grinned at each other before Ianto opened the door and they walked out. "Rose," Jack said when everyone was outside and the Doctor closed the door behind him. "I'm thinking you should just say what the hell and go get a lobotomy done so you can sleep better at night." "Or just have Voltron chop your head off," Ianto said. The men snickered while Rose eyed them. "Okay, I'll leave you alone now so you lot can make jokes at my expense now," she muttered as she walked away. "See ya later, bitch, ho, skank, slut, whore!" Jack said, waving. Rose blushed, walking away and muttered to herself about why she let herself get talked into embarrassing situations while the men chortled and headed back to the kitchen.
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