DOCTOR WHO SILLY STORIES

Chapter Fifty Four

"I can't believe you're letting Rose drive," Jack teased.

The four of them decided to hire a car and take a road trip from Albuquerque, New Mexico to Phoenix, Arizona. The Doctor told him he had a remote control he could use to call the TARDIS to them so they could leave when they reached Phoenix. They decided to get the car in Albuquerque and Rose had volunteered to drive some of the way there.

"I can drive," Rose said as they stepped out of the TARDIS near the Albuquerque airport. "I have my driving license."

"Do you have a criminal record for manslaughter?" Jack said as they headed towards the airport.

"I will if I kill you," Rose said over her shoulder while she and the Doctor stepped hand in hand into the airport.

They walked to the information desk and the Doctor asked if any shuttles went out to the car rental places. The woman directed them to a booth about fifty feet to her left and told them they could rent a car there and the shuttle would take them to the lot. The Doctor thanked her and they turned and headed in the direction she indicated. When they reached the Avis booth, Rose spoke to the woman behind it for a moment and then looked at her friends.

"Do we want to hire a regular car or a people carrier. People carrier would have more room in it," she said.

"I vote for the people carrier since it'll be a long drive," Jack said.

"I do as well," Ianto said.

The Doctor nodded and excused himself when he spied an ATM machine nearby. Rose started filling out the paperwork while Jack watched him go up to it.

"There he goes again," he muttered to Ianto when he saw the Doctor take out his sonic and look around.

He used it on the ATM and discreetly gathered the money that came out before heading back to Rose's side. He asked the price and handed the woman three one hundred dollar bills. The woman gave him the change while Rose finished up the paperwork.

"Did you get tons of insurance since Rose is driving?" Jack quipped.

"Piss off, Jack," Rose said over her shoulder.

After receiving the receipts and the keys to a 2012 Ford Minivan, they were told to stand outside and a shuttle would be along to pick them up.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

"Nice, very nice," Jack said when they saw the grey minivan. "This will be comfy."

He slid open the side door and he and Ianto climbed in while the Doctor sat in the passenger seat. Jack sat down and as he was getting comfortable he spied something under Rose's seat. He bent over and saw a small black strap. He tugged on it and pulled out a small black case.

"Being a Nosy Parker?" the Doctor said as he shut his door.

"Found this. Someone might have left it behind?" Jack said as Ianto sat down in the seat behind him.

He pulled a zipper on the side of the square case. He pulled the zipper around and opened it. His eyes boggled when he saw a DVD player and five DVDs inside.

"Hey, we have DVDs and a player someone left behind," Jack said as Rose got inside the car.

"Yeah?" Rose said, shutting her door.

"Yeah. Five DVDs. Cool," Jack said, setting the DVD player beside him on the seat.

"Bags I!" the Doctor said, reaching for the DVD player.

"Bullshit! I found it, it's mine!" Jack said, snatching it up.

"Blast, thought I'd had a DVD player for a moment," the Doctor said to Rose while she adjusted the mirrors.

Ianto came around the seat and sat beside Jack. Jack handed the player to him and looked at the DVDs.

"Okay. We have Wrong Turn 3 Pack. Oh, three movies in one. Cool. We also have Rio. Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 and…They Are Among Us, Aliens in America."

"Really?" the Doctor said, looking over his shoulder.

Jack showed him the DVD case. It was grey with a stereotypical Roswell alien head on the front of it that was superimposed over a map of the US. The Doctor snorted and shook his head.

"What d'ya wanna watch, Yan?" Jack asked as Rose started up the car.

"Rose, since she's about to drive off," Ianto quipped.

"Oh yeah, we better watch out for pedestrians since Rose will plow into them," Jack said.

Rose flipped them the vees before looking over her shoulder and putting the car into reverse. She gave Jack a withering look when he grabbed Ianto and both of them gave her fake looks of horror.

"You don't stop that and I'll throw you out and you'll be the rundown pedestrians," Rose said.

Jack grinned and looked at the Wrong Turn DVD while Rose slowly backed out of the parking spot. He turned the DVD case over and read the summary on the back since he was unfamiliar with the movie. His eyebrow raised when he finished reading it.

"Yan, this is about insane, inbred, hillbilly cannibals that kill people and eat them. Wanna watch this?" he said to him.

"Insane, what?" the Doctor said, looking over his shoulder.

"Insane, inbred, hillbilly cannibals."

"Someone made a film about this?" the Doctor said as Rose turned onto the road.

"Apparently so," Jack said, shrugging.

"Why?" the Doctor said to Rose while she giggled.

"Someone thinks there are inbred, hillbilly cannibals in the world?" Rose said, glancing while she drove.

"Well, I hope we don't run into any," the Doctor said.

Jack, in an impish mood, selected the first Wrong Turn movie. He put it in the player and found to his delight that it was still charged. He and Ianto cuddled together while they watched the tiny screen.

"Don't worry, they have a charger in the case that you can plug into the cigarette lighter if this needs to be recharged," Jack said to Ianto.

Ianto nodded and the two of them watched the movie while the Doctor chatted softly with Rose. About five minutes into the movie, he started hearing screams followed by Jack and Ianto saying, "Ewwwwww!" followed by insane, high-pitched Alvin and the Chipmunk giggling. In fact, his conversation was soon peppered with joint "Ewwwwwww!" and the chipmunk giggles. Finally, the Doctor couldn't take any more and he turned to them.

"What is going on in that film?" he said while Rose laughed.

"This is a disgusting film," Ianto said.

"Yeah, these hillbillies kill people in disgusting ways and eat them," Jack said, pausing the movie.

"And then they giggle like they're sucking helium?" the Doctor said.

"Pretty much, yeah," Jack said. "They set traps in the woods and when people get off course, they make them crash and then hunt them. This one man was running and his foot hit a tripwire and this bedframe came up and it had piano wire strung on it or something like that and it sliced the man in three places and he fell apart in three sections."

Rose laughed as the Doctor gave her a disgusted look.

"Rose, you're human. What is the attraction? Why do apes view disgusting stuff and consider it entertainment?" he said to her. "You lot have so much potential but you chose to mire yourself watching dreck like this," he added, pointing to the player.

"I don't watch the really disgusting ones like that. I like older horror movies," Rose said, glancing at him.

"Yes, but even so…there are enough horrors in the world without you watching them in films. And haven't you and Ianto seen enough horrors working for Torchwood?" he added, speaking to Jack.

"Yes. But I suppose this is like a car wreck. You don't want to look but you can't help but watch."

"Carry on then. I want no part of it. I'd rather engage in meaningful conversation than stare at mindless violence all day," the Doctor said, waving a dismissive hand.

Jack started up the movie again and the "Ewwww!" and the giggles returned. The Doctor tried to speak to Rose but he kept getting distracted by the ewwws and the giggles. An hour and a half later, it ended and the Doctor breathed a sigh of relief.

"Let's watch Wrong Turn Part 2," Jack said to Ianto.

"NOOO!" the Doctor said, louder than he meant to.

Rose howled with laughter and looked in the rearview mirror at Jack's stunned face.

"Sorry. I mean, please pick another film, would you?" the Doctor said.

"Um…okay," Jack said, opening the hatch and putting the DVD back in the case.

He and Ianto looked at the DVDs and chose Harry Potter. The Doctor relaxed when he heard Deathly Hallows play and eased back into his conversation with Rose.

XOXOXOXOXOX

After three hours, Rose spotted a lay-by on the interstate and pulled off to stretch her legs, pee and see if they had some slot machines in the brick building on the premises. When she pulled into a parking space in front of the double glass doors, she and the Doctor got out but Jack and Ianto continued to watch Deathly Hallows. The Doctor glanced at them, shrugged and closed his door before he stepped lightly onto the pavement and took Rose's hand. They went inside and Rose sighed when the air conditioning hit her face. The temperature was near 85 degrees now and the sun was blazing. The interior was brick with a linoleum floor. There were several vending machines to their left along with a rack filled with brochures on tourist sights. On the other side was a large entrance that led to the restrooms. When you went inside, you turned to the right for women and to the left for men. Beside that was three payphones affixed to the wall and beside that was a large map of New Mexico. Rose walked over to the vending machines and the Doctor followed her while she stopped and studied the beverage choices.

"I want water," Rose said, pulling a dollar bill and a quarter out of her pocket. "It's positively scorching out there."

"I know. I also want something to slake my thirst," the Doctor said, pulling out a dollar and a quarter with her.

He studied the choices while Rose put the money in the machine. She pressed a black button under a photo of an Aquafina water bottle. There was a clatter and she reached down and pulled her water out of the large slot in the bottom of the machine.

"I'm gonna use the toilet, be back in a mo," Rose said as she turned and walked towards the restrooms.

The Doctor nodded, staring at the vending machine. He scratched his chin while he thought. His eyes kept drifting back to the photo of the Fanta Orange soda bottle and he decided that orange soda sounded good right now. He fed the dollar into the machine and put the quarter into the slot and pushed the button under it. He was leaning down to get the bottle when Jack burst into the building and ran to him.

"Not my daughter, you bitch!" he yelled at him when he jerked up in surprise.

He chuckled and patted him on the shoulder as Ianto came into the building. He turned his head to the side and looked at the bottle in the Doctor's hand.

"Orange soda, eh? That sounds good. Let's see…1.25…" Jack said, reaching into his pocket. "What do you want, Yan?" he called out as Ianto headed towards the restroom.

"Coke," Ianto said before going into the restroom.

Jack pulled out 2.50 and got himself a Fanta and Ianto a Coke.

"Rose in the necessary room?" Jack said to the Doctor when he retrieved Ianto's soda.

"Yes," the Doctor said.

"Don't let her fall in," Jack said as he walked over to the rack.

"I think Rose's bum is large enough for the toilet," the Doctor said while Jack giggled.

Jack glanced over his shoulder and cocked his eyebrow when he noticed the Doctor walked over to the space between the payphones and the restroom and leaned against the wall, waiting for Rose.

"You don't seem sure of that statement," Jack said to him. "Or are you afraid a Dalek might enter when you leave and exterminate her on the bog."

"I want to wait. You'd wait for Ianto," the Doctor said. "I'm assuming that's why you're perusing the tourist brochures now."

"That and just plain old curiosity," Jack said, turning his attention back to the rack.

While he scanned the brochures, Rose came out and the Doctor smiled and walked with her out of the building. Jack glanced over his shoulder at the men's restroom and walked over to it. With an evil grin, he entered it and noticed Ianto was standing at the nearest urinal.

"NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!" he shrieked.

Ianto gasped and nearly got urine on the wall.

"Damn you, Jack," he said as Jack ran giggling out of the building.

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