Chapter Fifty Nine

The lift door opened and the Doctor flounced out into the gallery across the way.

"Okay!" he said, pointing around. "I painted that, I painted that, I painted that, I sculpted that!"

"Oh no," Jack groaned while Rose and Ianto laughed. "I have a feeling it was a bad idea bringing him here."

The Doctor chuckled and walked up to the nearest painting. A large Renaissance painting of the Virgin Mary and Baby Jesus. Mary was standing and holding her baby in the crook of her arm while gold foil haloes radiated from their heads. The Doctor's friends walked up and stood by him while he studied it.

"I always hate the way they make Baby Jesus look more adult than child in these old paintings," Jack said. "It's creepy. Still, I prefer this period to modern art. Throwing paint on a canvas does nothing for me."

He walked further into the gallery with Ianto while Rose stayed with the Doctor. The gallery contained paintings from the Renaissance, landscapes, portraits and near the back Southwest and Hispanic artwork. The gallery was large with paintings on all sides and sculptures in the middle. As they walked further into the gallery, Rose saw a huge painting at the very back that took up most of the wall. They kept to the front though while Jack and Ianto started at the back. Rose followed the Doctor while they stopped at each painting and examined it for a moment before moving on. Rose looked at the notes for each painting but couldn't recognize any of the artists. When she told the Doctor that, he shrugged.

"Europe probably has most of the biggies," he said. "I've been reading the plaques as well and most of these seem to be Mexican and Hispanic artists. Probably people native to the area or around the area. Probably won't find a Van Gogh here. Still, the artwork is still beautiful."

Rose nodded. The Doctor occasionally pointed out something in a painting to her or explained something but Rose was mainly listening to his voice while she stayed near to him.

Meanwhile, Ianto and Jack were at the back examining the Indian and Hispanic artwork. They paused by a large portrait of a young Apache woman in traditional dress.

"I admire the skill of artists who can produce something like this," Ianto said. "Wish I could do it."

"Take a painting class."

"When? I'm busy nearly all the time," Ianto said.

"I've heard the Doctor boast about having studied under Rembrandt and Michelangelo. If he can do it so can you. Besides, he has a time machine. We could drop you off in Renaissance Italy so you could study under Raphael and come back when you're finished."

He paused.

"And by Raphael, I mean the artist, not the turtle," he quipped.

"I'd rather admire the artwork of others," Ianto said with a shrug. "I'm an artist when it comes to making coffee. That's my canvas."

"Can't argue with that," Jack said.

Ianto felt Jack move behind him and slip his arms around him.

"On the other hand," Jack breathed into his ear. "Perhaps I should take a class. I would love to be able to paint a portrait of you…naked."

Ianto felt his cock stiffen at Jack's sensual voice. Jack chuckled in his ear when he sensed it too.

"I could ask the Doctor to take you to Renaissance Italy and get our portrait painted," Jack purred in his ear. "The two of us naked or dressed as Greek Gods. I believe that subject matter was popular at the time."

"Jack, not here, you'll get us tossed out the front door," Ianto said.

"Only saying…" Jack said innocently before kissing his cheek. "Just be glad you're with me and not the Doctor. Poor Rose, the Doctor has this gorgeous woman and he's a cold fish when it comes to her."

"I wouldn't say that," Ianto said, looking over his shoulder at him.

"I don't see them getting intimate like we do."

Ianto gave him an "Are you kidding me look?"

"Maybe his idea of intimacy involves more than shagging," Ianto said. "You don't see the hand holding, the looks, the touches that pass between them. I think they're very intimate with one another. Just because Rose isn't flinging herself on his penis doesn't mean they aren't sensual. Go back up to the front and watch them, they follow each other around, they're rarely leave each other's side and one waits for the other to come back if they leave. The Doctor's always touching Rose somewhere and whispering and giggling. In many ways, what they do is more sensual than just fucking each other's brains out."

"But you love the fucking as well, right?"

Ianto grinned.

"But who's to say they're not doing that as well when you're not looking?" he said.

"Damn! Oh, to be a fly on the wall in the Doctor's bedroom," Jack sighed as he let go of Ianto and took his hand.


As Jack and Ianto made their way slowly to the front of the gallery, the Doctor and Rose worked their way to the back. As Jack and Ianto got closer to the Doctor, he could pick up snippets of their conversation. The Doctor seemed to be commenting on the use of color and Rose was admiring the beauty of a dark haired woman who was wearing a blue, ruffled off the shoulder dress in a large portrait painting.

"I love the way the artist blends the color to create the effect of light on the skin. Genius," the Doctor was saying while he pointed to the woman's cheeks.

"I wonder who she was. The plaque just says it's a young woman in blue dress," Rose said. "She was beautiful."

Jack chuckled. He dashed over to the painting.

"Lily! My little saloon ho! Where have you been all my life?" he said when he reached the woman.

He kissed the air near her cheek and Rose laughed when he ran back to Ianto.

"Does that answer your question about the woman's identity, Rose?" he heard the Doctor said while Rose giggled.

Jack and Ianto walked over to them.

"Ah, a classic beauty. Very elegant looking. I'd say she was an aristocrat," Jack said, studying the woman. "She has that posh look about her."

"We saw one of Lady…can't think of her full name but she was crying. You can see the tear on her cheek.

"Probably someone I had and left. Love em and leave em, that's my motto."

"I believe it!" the Doctor said while Rose laughed.

"There's an interesting painting on the back wall. Some sort of combination Catholic/Aztec procession with a crucified Jesus in the center."

The crowd consists of priest and Aztecs wearing skull and animal masks," Ianto added.

"I saw it when we came in here, the colors really stand out," Rose said.

"Yeah, it's vibrant colors, just very odd but you're on your way back so you'll see it," Jack said.

"Have you ever seen that painting of the gladiator about to kill someone and he's looking to the crowd and their thumbs are down?" Rose said.

"Think so, sounds familiar," Jack said.

"It's near the front. I thought I saw it once in a museum inEurope. We thought it might be on loan."

"Or it's a copy," the Doctor said sinisterly.

" copying famous works of art for their museum?" Jack said, feigning shock.

"They also have a copy of Rodin's The Kiss as well," the Doctor said.

"Probably they were thinking, gee, we suck, we have no famous artists here in our fine museum. Let's forge a few and the stupid American tourists won't know the difference," Jack said.

"We also found a room that went off the main gallery and decided to see what was in it," the Doctor said.

"It's brilliant. This woman went to Europe and collected miniature period furniture from different eras and made these little rooms with them. You look through this window and you see these rooms from 1700's to about the 1930's and they have little books and magazines and paintings in them," Rose said. "It even said she made her own rugs for her dioramas."

"Ianto. Interested?" Jack said.

"Yes, where is it?"

They showed them the way to a passageway off of the main gallery. They went into a smaller room that had thick brown walls on either side with display windows spaced evenly along them. There was a small carpet covered step that ran along the walls but Jack and Ianto stood and bent over, peering in at the little miniature rooms. The Doctor and Rose went back out while Jack and Ianto admired the dioramas.


When they were finished, they looked around for another gallery. They found another passageway but it led to a wide atrium with a few benches so they went back.

"I guess that's it for this floor," Jack said.

They got back inside the lift and went back down to the ground floor. They stepped out and looked around. There was a gallery behind them and a passageway off to the left. They tried the one on the left first but the gallery was under renovation and all they saw was Asian Collection painted on one wall in cursive script. They saw a double door up ahead and a black man wearing a security guard's uniform standing beside it. When they walked up to see where it led, the man smiled and opened one door for them. But when they went inside, they stopped short when they realized they were in a café.

"Ooops," Jack said as they all turned and walked back to the door.

The guard gave them a strange look and didn't open the door for them. The Doctor opened the door and they walked through.

"Sorry," Jack said sheepishly as they walked past, "we thought it was another gallery."

"Oh," the guard muttered.

They walked back to the front desk and looked around but there seemed to be just one gallery left.

"So, two galleries and that's it. That sucks," Jack said as they walked inside it. "You could spend hours in the British Museum or the Louvre and we've been here, what, an hour?"

The gallery wasn't a permanent exhibit and they realized the theme of it was artwork done with paper and on paper. Jack put his hands behind his back, bored with the collection and he noticed the Doctor looked a bit bored as well. He stopped when he noticed something familiar. A pop art drawing of a comic book fighter plane and the pilot inside it blowing up something in front of him.

"They are copying artwork," he said, when he saw a copy of Ray Lichtenstein's Whaam on the wall to his right. That's at the Tate Modern, I've seen it personally."

"It's because this exhibit is giving examples of artwork done on paper from all over the world," the Doctor said. "I've seen several other examples of artwork I've seen in the past. Plus, the plaque on the wall beside Whaam tells you this is a copy. So don't worry, Jack, they're not forging artwork and passing it off as their own."

"This is boring though," Jack said, making a face. "I like actual paintings, not scribbles on pieces of paper."

The Doctor grinned at Rose. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a small pad of post it notes and a pencil. He drew a crude cat face on the post it note, pulled it off the pad and stuck it on the wall beside Whaam.

"I did done art," the Doctor said as he walked away.

Rose laughed and snatched the post it note off the wall.

"That's a crappy cat, I coulda done better blindfolded," Jack teased as he took the post it note from Rose and looked at it.

"I did done art so don't diss my did done art," the Doctor said over his shoulder.

He paused and looked up at some paper dresses decorated with Vote For Nixon or Andy Warhol's Campbell Soup cans.

"Look, these dresses are made of paper," the Doctor said to Rose when she came up beside him. "That Nixon one was worn by women who were supporting him."

"Bit dangerous," Rose said.

"In what way?" the Doctor said.

"If someone hated Nixon, they could run up and tear the dress off your body. Bit dangerous to wear it around certain people," she said.

"But then it would get kinky which is better than Nixon."

"Jack is behind me, isn't he?" the Doctor said to Rose.

"Yup," Rose said while Jack poked the Doctor playfully in the back of the neck

"I would like to see you wear a paper dress that says, Jack is my boy toy," Jack said to the Doctor.

"I would like to see you wear a paper dress that says, set fire to me and watch me come back to life," the Doctor replied.

Jack poked Rose in the arm when she giggled at that. She turned and smiled as she followed the Doctor to the next group of artwork.


"You first."

"No, you first."

The four of them finished seeing everything and were standing just inside the front door.

"You first," Jack said to Rose as he gestured to the door.

"No, you first, it's scorching out there. I'm not going out first."

"Ladies, first," Jack said.

"Age before beauty," Rose replied.

The Doctor looked at Ianto.

"This will go on for ages, won't it?" the Doctor said to Ianto.

"Probably," Ianto said.

The Doctor opened the door and went outside. He turned and looked in at everyone through the glass wall.

"You second," Jack teased.

"No, you second," Rose teased back.

"Okay, we go out on the count of three," Jack said. "Really, everyone?" he added as the Doctor tapped his foot impatiently. "One…two…three!"

They opened the door and walked out.

"Oh Christ!" Rose said when the air hit her face. "Remote control for the TARDIS now!"

"Yeah, call the TARDIS to us!" Jack said to the Doctor.

"No, because this wall is glass and everyone inside can see us including security. The heat won't kill ya. Come on, we'll find a more secluded spot."

They walked down a ramp and Rose gasped when they stepped out of the shade into the sun.

"Blimey, I'm glad I don't live here permanently," Rose said, fanning herself with her hand. "How can anyone stand this heat?"

"The cannibal hillbillies have the right idea. Stay in the forest where it's nice and shady," Jack said.

The Doctor beckoned to them to follow him for a bit so they could get away from the glass wall. They headed back towards the light rail and nearly got to it when they heard someone scream "HEY!" behind them. They turned around and saw a bedraggled black man screaming at the air about ten feet away.


The three men looked at one another and Jack put his hands behind his back and stepped in front of Rose while the Doctor and Ianto flanked her. They watched while the man screamed out curses about slitting some whore's throat. Then suddenly, his eyes fell on Rose and she stiffened when he started towards her. Jack brought his hands around his body, ready to defend her if necessary. But the man suddenly adopted a friendly demeanor.

"Hello," he said sweetly to them. "Can you spare some change?"

The four of them were thrown by the sudden change in his temperament. The Doctor fished in his pocket and found a five dollar bill. He stepped around Jack and gave it to the man.

"Thank you so much, sir. Bless you," the man gushed to the Doctor.

"Not a problem. Now go and get out of the heat. Get a cup of coffee or something and relax," the Doctor said.

The man nodded and thanked everyone. He turned away, took several steps and suddenly he was screaming at the air again about killing some slut.

"The human mind is a strange thing," Jack said, shaking his head.

"Why do you think I'm so fascinated with humans?" the Doctor said. "Come on."

They walked around the art museum to the car park, made sure no one was looking and the Doctor pulled out a silver box and pressed a button.

"Yes!" Rose said when they heard a familiar wheezing and the TARDIS appeared beside them.

The Doctor opened it and they piled inside, glad that the interior was air-conditioned. The Doctor closed the door and a few moments later the TARDIS dematerialized and vanished.

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