Chapter Sixty Two

"Shopping?" Jack said with a raised eyebrow. "Of all the adventures we could have and we're going shopping. Was this Blondie's idea?"

Everyone was standing in the console room with the Doctor. The Doctor was holding a small burlap bag out to them. Inside it was numerous small slips of paper. On each slip, he wrote a year.

"No, this is my idea. I thought we could use a rest after our adventures and to make it interesting, I cut up slips of paper. On each slip I wrote one year between 1970 and 2010. I shook up the bag and now one of you will pick a slip of paper and read me the year. Whatever year you pick is the year we will be going to."

"One condition," Ianto said.

"And that condition is?" the Doctor said.

"Whatever year comes up, we all have to dress in the styles appropriate to that year," Ianto said.

"Ah, interesting. A bit of dressing up to make it more fun?"

"No, a bit of dressing up because I'd like to blend into the crowd for once," Ianto said.

"P'shaw, that's boring. Still, we will do as Ianto suggests and dress in the clothes popular for that year."

"Dear God, please don't let us choose any year when disco was popular," Rose said to the ceiling.

"Tyler! You just volunteered by opening your mouth," the Doctor said, holding out the bag to her.

Rose groaned and reached into the bag. She felt around for a moment before pulling out a slip of paper. Not bearing to look she handed it to Jack. He opened it up and chuckled when he read the date. Rose looked over and could see the light shining though it.

"1984?" Rose said to the Doctor.

"Problem with that?" the Doctor said to her. "I believe by that time disco was dead so you don't have to wear a polyester leisure suit and afro."

"I had a polyester leisure suit when I lived through 1977," Jack said. "It was the era of Star Wars and Saturday Night Fever and I met this Sailor named Skippy who took the leisure suit off me and…"

Both the Doctor and Ianto slammed their hands over Jack's mouth at the same time.

"What?" Jack said through their hands. "Skippy was a nice guy."

"So what do we do now?" Rose said to the Doctor.

"Just to make it fair. TARDIS, dress us in clothes appropriate to Earth year 1984."

A flash surrounded everyone and when it vanished, everyone stared at the Doctor. He was dressed in clothes Michael Jackson wore in his Thriller video. Jack had on purple parachute pants, a white t-shirt with a purple leather jacket and matching purple fedora. He also had a clip on animal tooth earring on his left ear and he was wearing black high top sneakers. Ianto rolled his eyes when he looked at himself. He was dressed in a day glo orange track suit and black sneakers.

"I look like a nightmare," Ianto said.

Rose was dressed like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. She was wearing a purple sweatshirt with the collar ripped off, black trousers, purple high top sneakers and purple sparkly leg warmers. Her hair had also been teased up until it was a foot off her head. Rose looked at the Doctor and groaned when she saw the rhinestone socks.

"No, not the sparkly socks!" she said to him.

"What? This is Michael Jackson's outfit from the Thriller video."

"No socks!" Rose said.

"What about me? Can I get something a bit less garish?" Ianto said, pointing to the track suit.

A flash of light surrounded Ianto. Now he was wearing a day glo yellow track suit rather than an orange one.

"Great, I'll be walking around the shopping center like a huge lemon," Ianto said.

The Doctor asked the TARDIS to lose the socks. There was a flash around his feet and the rhinestone socks were replaced with plain cotton ones.

"Better?" the Doctor said to her.

"Well, let's see…I look like Jennifer Beals on crack, Ianto looks like a radioactive lemon, Jack looks like a pimp and you look like Michael Jackson, I suppose this is as good as it gets for 1984 then."

"I do not look like a pimp," Jack said.

He grinned and flicked at her gel hardened hair.

"Damn, you could run Rose through a brick wall with this hair," he said, looking at Ianto. "Gah!" he said, covering his eyes when he caught sight of his track suit. "Boy, I hope I don't go blind by the end of the day."

"At least I don't look like some wannabe breakdancer," Ianto said.

Jack tried to do the electric slide for him. Ianto snorted when he failed miserably at it and gave up. Then suddenly the Doctor was holding another bag under their noses.

"We're not doing 1984?" Jack said.

"No, this bag contains destinations on Earth. We're choosing a place to go shopping. Rose chose the year so you or Ianto choose the location."

"Please don't let it be Cardiff. I don't want to go back in 2008 and have people remember me in this outfit," Ianto muttered as Jack reached into the bag.

He pulled out a slip of paper and opened it up.

"Atlanta, Georgia," he said, reading it. "Nice. I've been to Atlanta before. Course that was in 1882, not 1984."

The Doctor took the bag from him and put it on the jump seat next to the other bag.

"So…Atlanta, Georgia, 1984," he said, inputting the destination.


The TARDIS landed in Atlanta in an alley near Ponce De Leon Avenue. It was July and the temperature was sweltering. They stepped out of the alley onto a sidewalk and instantly Ianto felt conspicuous when he noticed no one was wearing what he was wearing.

"I wanna change my clothes," Ianto said to everyone. "No one out here is wearing a track suit. Besides, it's 900 degrees and I'll sweat to death!"

"He's got day glo colors on," the Doctor said, pointing to a man wearing a day glo blue t-shirt, jeans and matching day glo blue socks.

"Not like this! Why can't I wear something like him?" Ianto said. "Not everyone dressed like a circus clown that year."

"Fine, you can change. Just so we can get on with it," the Doctor said.

Ianto ran in and emerged a moment later wearing something similar to the man's outfit. He sighed with relief when the Doctor closed the door behind him.

"Damn, I was growing quite fond of the lemon look," Jack said.

They walked towards a four way intersection. The Doctor, not sure how many cashpoints would be in Atlanta at this time had asked the TARDIS to supply them some money before leaving and she had given him one thousand dollars. They were trying to find a bus stop so they could go find a shopping center and they noticed one was across the street so they stopped at the intersection and waited for the light to change. While they were waiting, a blue van pulled up and stopped. Rose glanced casually at it and then she took a longer look when she noticed the driver was butt naked. There were a couple of other people in the van, a man and a woman and they looked naked too. Rose tapped the Doctor on the arm. The Doctor was watching a punk couple sitting on a bench just down the road. When he looked at her, she pointed at the window and the Doctor's eyes bulged when he saw the man getting up, butt naked, from the passenger seat and exchanging it with the naked woman. The sides of the van had no windows so it was hard to tell what was going on but by now, everyone was giving the occupants of the van their full attention. While they stared, the driver caught sight of them.

"YEAH, WE'RE NAKED!" he yelled at them before the light changed to green and he drove off.

"Hey, Doctor," Jack said, tapping him on the shoulder.

"No, Jack, we're not hiring a lorry just so we can all get naked and proclaim our nakedness to the world at every traffic light."

"Damn," Jack said while Rose and Ianto giggled. "That would have been interesting."

"Wow, gnarly threads, man."

Jack turned and saw two teenage girls beside him. Both of them were dressed like Madonna during her Like A Virgin days and both of them had their hair teased up like Rose.

"Why, thank you. Love the Madonna outfits," Jack said to them.

"Jack, light's changed," Rose said to him before she started to cross the street with the Doctor and Ianto.

"Madonna is awesome," one of the girls said as they walked with Jack across the street. "We like totally worship her now."

"I like totally like her too," Jack said as they followed the others to the bus stop. "She's totally tubular."

"Toootally," the teenage girl said. "So like what's your name?"

"Jack. And you?"

"I'm Vicki, this is Michelle," she said, gesturing to her friend. "So, are you like from Atlanta then?"

"No, I'm from Cardiff."

Both girls looked confused.

"It's in Wales, next to England," Jack clarified.

"No frickin' way, you're from overseas?" Vicki said. "That is like so bitchin'."

"I know, it is, isn't it. I think it's way awesome," Jack said, flashing his most charming smile at them.

"Jack's gone Valley Girl now," the Doctor said to Rose and Ianto as the three of them sat down on the bench beside the bus stop sign.

"These are like my best friends forever," Jack said to the girls as he pointed to his friends. "This is Rose and Ianto and the Doctor. They're like so totally tubular you could just die!"

"Really?" Michelle said, walking over to the Doctor. "So, are you like from Wales too?"

"No, I'm like from London," the Doctor said while Rose looked at Ianto and nudged him.

"Get outta town! That is soooo wicked! I wanna go to London someday!" Michelle said.

" totally bitchin'," the Doctor said, slipping into Valley Girl mode. "It's sooo much better than the rest of England, I mean the rest of England is so grody, I mean, like gag me with a spoon."

"Fer sure, fer sure," Michelle said, nodding.

By now, Rose and Ianto were both making a supreme effort not to laugh at the Doctor and Jack who were now playing the Valley Girl thing to the hilt.

"So like are you going to the mall?" Jack asked Vicki.

"Yeah, we like wanna go shop and get some bitchin' earrings or a new outfit. We got nothin' else to do today, ya know?" she said.

"Totally. We're going too. Ya wanna, like, come with us?"

"No way, get outta town. You want us to come with you and hang out at the mall?"

"Yeah, come with us and hang out at the mall," Jack said.

"Excuse me," Ianto said, holding up his finger.

"Yeah?" Vicki said.

"What are your ages?" he asked her and Michelle.

"We're sixteen, why?"

"Just wanted Jack to hear that," Ianto said while Rose shook with silent laughter.

"Why do you need to know our ages?" Vicki said to Jack while the others gave each other pointed looks and snickered.

"Nothing, my friend's like a total douchebag sometimes," Jack said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"Well, ditch the douchebag then and come with us," Vicki said.

"Um…hello, I'm within earshot of all of you," Ianto said while Rose's mouth fell open in silent laughter.

"Get lost, spaz, we wanna have some real fun!" Vicki said.

"Um…sorry, he's with us," Jack said to her. "I was kidding about the total douchebag thing. He's fun to be with, fer sure."

Vicki looked unsure about that and Ianto was glad he made the decision to ditch the track suit since he was sure she would have been calling him an even bigger douchbag after seeing it. Vicki told them to wait and she pulled Michelle aside for a whispered conference.

"No," Rose said to Jack.

"What? We could have two guides for the afternoon," Jack said.

"No, you want them to follow you because they paid attention to you," Rose said. "I don't want those airheaded tarts following us everywhere we go."

"Why? Are you afraid they might make a move on your man?" Jack said, gesturing to the Doctor.

"No, I'm afraid I might lose IQ points the longer I'm around them," Rose said.

"Oh come on, they're teenagers. You were a teenager once," Jack said.

"Yes, but I didn't say "like" every other word and act like I was a brainless git."

The Doctor noticed the bus was coming towards them and he signaled for it to stop before he reached into his pocket for some money.

"Ladies, the bus is here," Jack said to them.

"You go on. Like, we'll take the next one," Vicki said.

Jack shrugged. He ignored Rose's muttered "Halleluiah" as the bus stopped in front of them. He waved to the two girls before the bus doors opened and he followed everyone else inside it.

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