Chapter Sixty Eight

After purchasing their LPs, everyone continued on. But near the back of the mall, Jack spied a cinema. To his delight, Ghostbusters was playing and to his even bigger delight, Ghostbusters impersonators were outside the cinema greeting people and posing for photos.

"Come on, Yan, let's go get a photo with the Ghostbusters," Jack said to Ianto.

"Why? They're not the proper actors," the Doctor said to Rose. "They don't even look like the actors. In fact, they look a bit manky like they pulled a bunch of tramps off the street and paid them to wear the Ghostbusters outfits."

He pointed to a man who resembled Egon except he had double chins and his curly hair was shorter.

"Egon looks like he let himself go," the Doctor said to Rose. "Apparently, he ate Slimer…and the Stay Puff Marshmallow man and probably Harold Ramis as well."

"Aw, come on, Doctor. Play along," Rose teased, poking him in the arm before she walked over to the impersonators.

"Play along with what? Hobos?" the Doctor said before he followed her.

He walked towards the impersonators and stopped a few feet away watching while Jack, Ianto and Rose spoke to the "Ghostbusters" and got their autographs. Each of the impersonators vaguely resembled the characters except to the Doctor they all looked a bit overweight and a bit scruffier. When they finished, Rose walked back to the Doctor but Jack beckoned to them and pointed to the ticket booth near the cinema doors.

"Come on, let's go see the movie," Jack said to them. "My treat."

"So," the Doctor said to Rose as everyone walked towards Jack. "Did you get the fake autographs of the fake Ghostbusters?"

"Yup. Come on, Doctor, be fair. When people go to Disney World and get Mickey Mouse's autograph they know it's not really him."

"Which is why I don't get Mickey Mouse's autograph," the Doctor said while they stood behind Jack. "I get autographs from actual celebrities not manky, lice ridden wannabes. Are you sure those were the real Ghostbusters? Maybe it was the Atlanta chapter of the Ghostsbusters union. I'm sure they eventually branched out and had franchises in every state plus London, Tokyo, Cardiff, Isle of Man…"

Jack purchased the tickets and they went inside the cinema. Rose saw movie posters on the walls for Gremlins, Dreamscape, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Purple Rain, The Neverending Story and The Karate Kid. Jack walked over to the concession stand and purchased a couple of large popcorns and four large Cokes for everyone.

"Look at you, being all generous," Rose said as they walked up behind him.

"Yes, I am. I'm just making sure we all have a good time," Jack said, passing out the sodas and popcorn to everyone.

They decided to go to the bathroom before the film. Ianto offered to watch everyone's food and use the toilet when they came out. He sat down on a bench with a red leather cushion on it and everyone put their food around him before heading to the bathrooms. The Doctor and Jack headed into the men's restroom and looked around. They were the only ones there so the Doctor headed to the urinal closest to the back wall. He eyed Jack when Jack followed him and took the urinal next to him. The Doctor's suspicions were confirmed when he caught Jack looking at his penis the moment he aimed it at the urinal. Jack did the same and while they were peeing, the Doctor looked ahead of him and noticed some writing on the wall above his urinal. Someone had taken a black marker and written Jesus is Lord on the wall. The Doctor sighed, hating it when humans defaced property and ruined the beauty of things. An impish thought crossed his mind and he finished what he was doing. After he flushed the urinal, he reached into his trouser pocket and found a small black biro. He took the cap off and Jack frowned when he wrote something under the Jesus is Lord.

"That's called defacing of public property, you know," Jack said.

"I know but I couldn't resist," the Doctor said.

Jack leaned in when he finished and read what he wrote.


The Doctor chuckled when Jack let out a snort at that. He snatched the biro from the Doctor's hands and wrote something beside it. Once he was done, he drew an arrow from his writing to the Doctor's. The Doctor read it once he stepped back.


Jack smirked at the Doctor and handed him back his biro. The Doctor waited until Jack left before he scribbled out what Jack wrote. Whistling, he put the biro back in his pocket and left the bathroom.


When everyone had finished going to the restroom, they went inside the theater. The lights on the side were dimly lit as they made their way up the theater aisle to seats near the front. The movie screen was covered by a large blood red curtain and there was soft music playing overhead. There were several people sitting near the back of the theater including a bunch of giggling teenagers. The four friends went up to the front and got the center seats.

"Rose," Jack said in a loud stage whisper as they sat down.

"What?" Rose said.

"Will you hold me? This is a scary movie and I might scream and rip your hair out."

"No. And leave my hair alone," Rose said.

"But it's stiff and easy to hang onto," Jack said, putting his hand on top of it.

He removed his hat and put it in his lap. He and Ianto shared a tub of popcorn while Rose and the Doctor shared the other one.

"Rose? Will you hold me? This is a scary movie and I might scream and punch you in the face," the Doctor said in a loud stage whisper.

"Doctor, will you hold me?" Rose said in the stage whisper. "I might get scared and start stabbing everyone in the cinema."

"If you stab me, make sure I come back as a ginger," the Doctor said.

"What is it with you and gingers?" Jack said to him.

"I've never been ginger, I want to be ginger," the Doctor said.

"Why? Gingers have no souls, everyone knows that," Jack said.

"Better to be a ginger than a gigolo, "the Doctor said.


"Pssst, Rose," Jack whispered to her while they watched the film.

"Pssst, what?" Rose whispered back.

"This is a scary scene. You may want to cover your eyes," Jack whispered.

"I was a prisoner of the Daleks, the library lady turning into a ghost doesn't faze me any longer but thanks for your concern for my wellbeing," Rose whispered back.

"But it's scary," Jack whispered.

"So's your bad breath," Ianto whispered.

The Doctor sniggered when Jack shot his lover a dirty look. Ianto pretended not to notice and ate the popcorn. Jack looked at Rose and took hold of her free hand.

"I'm scared," Jack whispered to the Doctor when the Doctor eyed him. "Rose is next to me and it would be rude for me to reach across to hold your hand."

"RHAAAAAAW!" the library ghost yelled as it changed into a horrifying ghost.

"Rose," Jack whispered.

"Yeah?" Rose whispered back.

"I died for a quarter of a second from sheer fright and my bladder loosened and somehow got into your beverage. Sorry about that," Jack whispered.

"My beverage is on the Doctor's other side, that's quite a feat for your urine to travel over there," Rose whispered.

"I'm multitalented," Jack whispered back.

"Rose," the Doctor whispered.

"Yeah?" Rose whispered back.

"I'm an alien, just wanted to remind you of that since everyone is whispering," he whispered.

"Thanks. I needed the remainder," Rose whispered back.

"Rose," Jack whispered.

"What?" Rose whispered back.

"I'm from the 51st century, that's also a reminder."

"Thanks. I'm glad people are reminding me of things I haven't forgotten so I feel like a complete prat," Rose whispered back.

"And," Jack whispered, "I once had this fantasy about Bill Murray stripping off his Ghostsbusters suit and taking me up the ass."

He snickered when Rose made a face at that.

"Doctor," Rose whispered. "Pass me my Coke; I need to get the vomit out of my throat."

Jack gave her a playful shove while the Doctor chuckled and passed her the cup of Coke.


"Rose," Jack whispered while the climax of the film was showing.

"Yeah?" Rose whispered back.

"I gotta go tinklies and Stay Puff is on the screen. I like Stay Puff but I have to go tinklies, what do I do?"

Rose grinned and held up her cup of Coke. Jack mimed unzipping his pants and made an arc from his crotch to the cup, miming the flow of urine into it. Rose took a sip of it after he did that and giggled at the feigned look of disgust on Jack's face. She put her cup in her lap and jerked her head back when the Doctor, eyes on the screen, took a piece of popcorn out of the tub and tried to put it in her mouth. Rose giggled when the Doctor kept his eyes on the movie and tried to cram the kernel into her mouth. Then the Doctor looked around before looking at Rose.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was so engrossed in the film, I missed my mouth entirely and tried to put the popcorn in your mouth. My bad."

Rose elbowed him when the Doctor threw the mashed kernel on the floor and took out a handful of popcorn from the tub.

Back                         Home                              Doctor Who Main Page                          Next

Your Name or Alias:      Your E-mail (optional):

Please type your review below. Only positive reviews will be posted! Constructive criticism will e-mailed to the author.