DOCTOR WHO SILLY STORIES
Chapter Seventy Six The Doctor and Rose leaned against a shop while the Doctor examined his tiny captives. The angel was still hiding its eyes while Cy stood at attention and watched it. The cybermat had stopped moving and was resting in one of the corners. "This is fascinating," the Doctor said as he peered in at the mini monsters. "I must make a study of our little friends when we get back to the TARDIS." "You're not gonna make them your pets then?" Rose said. "Nah, you're my pet," the Doctor said, patting her head. "Doctor!" "And that's my pet as well," the Doctor muttered when Jack came running up to him. Ianto tagged along behind and the Doctor noticed he was carrying a small paper sack in his hand. He asked about it. "This is Bob and the newest pet, a small Sontaran we found," Ianto said, holding it up. "So Jack shoved them in a sack and gave them to you?" the Doctor said. "No, I took the sack away from him because he kept shaking Bob and the Sontaran up inside it." "You're abusing them?" the Doctor said to Jack. "It's tough love!" Jack said defensively. "Uh huh," the Doctor said. "Well, before I get in an argument about that, I will show you my latest mini acquisition." He held up the container and Jack and Ianto peered inside. "Okay, what is that?" Jack said, pointing to the Weeping Angel. "It's a Weeping Angel," Rose said. "They have the ability to send you back in time and they take the energy of the days you might have had." "Except this one is so weeny that he only sent me back two seconds in time," the Doctor said. "Boy, I'm gonna have to get a lot of aquariums for these guys so they don't kill one another," Jack said. The Doctor gave Jack a dirty look and he shrugged. He took the paper bag from Ianto and gave the container to him before opening up the sack. He gave the sack to Rose, reached in and plucked out the Sontaran before asking Rose to close up the bag again. "What is this? Put me down this instant!" the mini Sontaran squeaked while it kicked its little legs back and forth. "I'm the Doctor," the Doctor said to him. "The Doctor!" the Sontaran squeaked. "You are our greatest enemy! I must kill you for the glory of Sontar! Sontar-ha!" The Doctor sniggered at that. "It's like listening to my deadliest foes after they sucked a ton of helium," he said to Rose before turning his attention back to the Sontaran. "So…Sonty, how did you get so small? Who did this to you?" The Sontaran stopped kicking. "It was a man," he squeaked. "Okay. What did the man look like?" the Doctor said. "He was tall and was wearing a long, black robe and he had black hair and a beard," the Sontaran said. "I was battling the Rutan when he suddenly came up behind me. I turned to face him as any honorable Sontaran will do and he pulled out this tube and suddenly I was this size." "Man with black hair and beard wearing a long, black robe," the Doctor muttered. "Oh no…" "What?" Rose said. "Do you know who it is?" "I believe it's the Master. At least an older version of him. So this man shrank you and then what happened?" he said to the Sontaran. "He put me in his pocket but the pocket tore and I fell out and I was here," the Sontaran said, looking around. "So some loony is going around the universe shrinking things and putting them in his pocket?" Ianto said. The Doctor took Bob out of the bag and asked him to explain how he was shrunk and Bob related the same story to the Doctor that the Sontaran had. "If this is the Master and it's an older version of him, he might be using a modified Tissue Compression Eliminator," the Doctor said. "And that is?" Jack said. "It's a weapon he used to use that shrank people down. It normally killed them but perhaps he's refined it and people survive the process," the Doctor said. "And now these mini monsters are falling out of his pocket," Rose said. "Which means he must be walking around London somewhere," the Doctor said. "Perhaps he used these aliens as test subjects and he's going to use it on humanity next. We must find him." "Found him," Jack said. The Doctor gave him a startled look and he pointed over his shoulder. The Doctor turned and saw the Master coming out of a shop about thirty feet away from them. It was the Master he had fought during his fourth life. He had on the robe and was casually thumbing through a magazine while he stood outside the shop. "Little out of place, isn't he?" Ianto remarked. The Doctor put Bob and the Sontaran back in the sack. Rose closed it and everyone followed the Doctor while he walked over to the Master. The Master looked up from his magazine and gave them a puzzled look. "Yes?" he said, "what do you want?" The Doctor closed his eyes and mentally projected his persona to the Master. The Master jerked when he realized who he was and the Doctor opened his eyes. "We found a few of your little friends around London," he said, taking the container from Ianto and holding it up. The Master blinked in astonishment and he put his hand into the pocket on the side of his robe. Everyone watched while his index and middle finger poked out a hole on the bottom of it. "Lose something, did ya?" the Doctor said. "Um…yes, how clumsy of me," the Master said sheepishly. "Thank you for retrieving them for me. I'm eternally grateful." "What are you doing with them?" Jack said. "Um…they're souvenirs, nothing more," the Master said with a shrug. The Doctor gave him a "Yeah, right," look. His eyes drifted over to the open magazine in the Master's other hand and his eyes bulged when he noticed a full frontal photo of a naked woman on a tiger skin rug. The Master followed his gaze and gasped as he quickly closed the magazine. "What's that?" the Doctor said, pointing to the magazine. "It's a magazine, what does it look like?" the Master said defensively. The Doctor sighed and snatched it from him. He looked at it and the Master shifted uncomfortably when the Doctor read the title of it. "Britain's Biggest Breasts?" the Doctor said, turning the magazine around and showing it to the Master. "This is what you read in your spare time?" The Master gave him a haughty look while the Doctor's friends giggled. "It's research," the Master said defensively. "And what are you researching? Cockney tits verses Geordie tits?" the Doctor said while Jack, Ianto and Rose snickered. "I'm trying to find out why you like these apes so much," the Master said. "I see why now," he said, pointing to a woman on the front of the magazine that was holding her FF breasts while pouting. "That's not why I like humans," the Doctor said. The Master gave him a pointed look while he pointed to Rose. Rose coughed nervously when the Doctor looked at her. "And?" the Doctor said, turning his attention back to the Master, "you do notice she's not nude and holding her breasts at the moment, right?" "I notice you usually travel with women, Doctor. Are the mammary glands attractive to you?" the Master said. "Yeah, are the mammary glands attractive to you?" Rose said while Jack and Ianto bent over laughing. "Rose, schtum!" the Doctor said to her before focusing on the Master. "I don't fancy her in that way." "Oh puh-leeze, Doctor," the Master said, rolling his eyes. "You were such a sheltered child you wouldn't know what to do with breasts if someone handed a pair to you." The Doctor gave him an incensed look while Jack and Ianto died laughing. Rose tried to hide her laughter but she was having a hard time concealing it. "Let's get back to the matter at hand," the Doctor said, trying to change the subject. "Why are you shrinking things?" "For fun. I do many things for fun…like read porn and imagine you bonking your female companions." "I do not!" the Doctor said. "Oh wait, forgive me, Doctor. I just said you wouldn't know what to do with tits if you were handed a pair. So sorry," the Master said. "Anyway…" He snatched the container out of the Doctor's hand. He heard the Sontaran squeaking inside the bag and Rose gasped when he snatched that from her hand too. "You won't get away with this, Master. Whatever it is, you're doing," the Doctor said. "Yeah, yeah, I hear that all the time from your fuzzy wuzzy self. Hate to run but I need to get back to formulating my evil plans…and studying this magazine…" He headbutted the Doctor and quickly ran away from him. The Doctor started to give chase but a transmat beam enveloped the Master and he disappeared while passerby gasped in shock. "So…who was that exactly," Jack said to the Doctor. "Seemed to know a lot about you and your sheltered life." "Never mind!" the Doctor said while Jack, Ianto and Rose giggled. "Let's pretend it didn't happen and go back to the TARDIS." Jack nudged Rose and they snickered as everyone turned and followed the Doctor.
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