Chapter Eighty Five

The Doctor sat on the toilet, evacuating into it while he read a copy of his favorite magazine, Time Travelers Monthly. While he read it, he suddenly got the feeling he was being watched. He turned his head to the right and gasped when he saw an audience watching him intently.

"Um…I'm not ready yet for the next chapter of the story. I'm on the toilet, this is my break time," the Doctor said. "I had to rush back to the lavatory before I soiled myself. Don't want to act out the story with soiled trousers, eh?"

The Doctor laughed for thirty seconds and then shut up when he noticed he was still being watched.

"Um…do you mind? This is sorta private time here. Yup," the Doctor said, giving everyone a pointed look.

He sighed when everyone continued to stare at him.

"Look…um…why don't you lot go watch Jack? I'm sure he's using his break time to mount a cactus or shag a poodle or do something like that. Hey! Maybe Rose is running around naked and you're missing it because you're watching me. And Ianto…Ianto's probably making coffee which isn't interesting but anyway…go!"

The Doctor gave everyone a stern look while he pointed to the door off to his left. He jabbed his finger at it again when no one moved. He sighed again.

"Blimey, you lot are persistant. Look, I know I'm loved and admired and I'm the star of the show here but I do have a life outside this fanfic and toilet time is part of that life. I don't need to defecate with the world and his wife watching me. D'ya mind?"

The Doctor went back to reading his magazine, trying to ignore everyone. Suddenly, a toot came from his poot and he turned beet red as he brought the magazine up to his face, trying to hide it from the audience. He continued to use the toilet with his face in the magazine but finally he threw it down in exasperation.

"RAAAAAWWWRRRRR!" he bellowed as he flung his arms out to the audience. "I am the fearsome Oncoming Storm and I will have privacy here! GO! LEAVE! DESIST! LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE, GO!"

He fell silent and glared at the audience. He was so angry that not even another little toot from his rear end could distract him from giving his best fearsome look of doom to the nosy people who had come to watch him crap in the toilet bowl. Finally, he gave in and quickly finished up the job. He grabbed the top of his trousers and pants and quickly pulled them up when he stood up. He flushed the toilet and moved to the sink.

"You know," he said to the audience while he washed his hands, "you're lucky I'm being paid an arseload to be in this fanfic because otherwise I'd be out on my own traveling through time and then where would you lot be? Huh? Have to go back to real life, eh? Do real things instead of wasting time in cyberspace reading about me and dreaming about being my wife or husband or partner or fuck buddy or whatever you lot think I am to you. I chose to be here of my own free will, so don't you forget it. And now that I'm done with the loo, I will go out there and amuse you and continue the story. Just don't expect me to be in a good mood while I'm doing it!"

The Doctor turned off the water, glared at the audience while he wiped his hands on a towel, flipped them the vees and then stormed out of the lavatory while he muttered to himself about celebrities and invasion of privacy.

Back                         Home                              Doctor Who Main Page                          Next

Your Name or Alias:      Your E-mail (optional):

Please type your review below. Only positive reviews will be posted! Constructive criticism will e-mailed to the author.