Chapter Ninety Three

"Ah, at last, peace and quiet!" Jack said as he, Rose and Ianto walked into the living room. "No more nutty Time Lord trying to impress us with stupid shit he makes up off the top of his head."

"I don't know, I thought it was…amusing," Rose said as she and Ianto settled down onto the sofa.

"That's because he's your main squeeze and you're required to think that," Jack said, settling down into the chair beside the sofa. "I on the other hand would have punched him long ago."

"I thought you fancied him," Rose teased.

"I do. But then I wake up and look at Ianto and think, this man doesn't jump in my face and yell snark, snark or show me graveyards that have nothing in them and pretend there is something in them. Yan is sweet, dependable and sane and I enjoy that."

"Thank you," Ianto said, smiling.

"The Doctor's like radiation, only safe in small doses," Jack said. "Anything excessive will cause damage to the body and mind."

The Doctor suddenly came into the room, walked up to Rose and grabbed her hand. He then tried to walk off, holding Rose's hand and straining when she wouldn't get up off the sofa.

"See?" Jack said while the Doctor looked at Rose with annoyance. "He's back for more and he demands you go with him because he supposedly graced you by allowing you to travel with him. So now you must participate in all his bullshit."

The Doctor stopped tugging at Rose's arm and looked at him.

"I have an amusement park on board this TARDIS that I thought Rose might enjoy," he said to him. "I do not make her participate in bullshit. You make Ianto listen to your idiotic stories about how manly and heroic you are. That is bullshit. This is enjoying a day with my gal, is that okay with you, Harkness?"

"Fine, knock yourself out," Jack said, holding up his hands.

"You have an amusement park in here?" Rose said.

"I have nearly everything in here, this is more than a ship it's a whole world for me," the Doctor said. "Why do you think I'm gutted whenever I lose her? So come on, come see my amusement park!" he said, tugging on her arm again.

"What is it? Disneyland?" Jack said.

"No, even better. Doctorland! My own personal amusement park," the Doctor said.

"Suddenly, I have to see this," Rose said, getting up from the sofa.

Jack looked at Ianto. They both grinned and followed the Doctor and Rose out of the room.


After requesting that the TARDIS move Doctorland to them, they stepped through a door and were dazzled by the sight of a gigantic TARDIS sitting in the middle of a vast theme park.

"Welcome to Doctorland! The happiest place…in the TARDIS," the Doctor said.

"So, is that huge TARDIS supposed to be like the castle at Disneyland?" Jack said, pointing to it.

"Yes, it's just as tall as the castle and it sits in the center of all the lands," the Doctor said.

"What lands?" Jack said.

"Oh, Gallifrey Land, Adventure Land, Terrorland, that sort of thing," the Doctor said dismissively.

"I wanna go to Gallifrey land first," Rose said.

"I wanna go to Naked Doctor Land," Jack said eagerly.

"There is no Naked Doctor Land," the Doctor said.

Jack pretended to pout as they followed the Doctor to a small TARDIS blue tram. The Doctor climbed in the front while his companions found seats in the back. He pulled down a microphone that was resting in a black plastic holder above his head and spoke into it while he drove towards the entrance.

"Welcome, my friends, to Doctorland," he said into the microphone while he drove, "the happiest place in the TARDIS. Before we go in, I would like to give you a few rules. One, everything is free so don't go berserk, especially on the food. I don't wanna have to run with a five hundred pound ball of flesh tagging along behind me. Secondly, litter is a big no-no, so refrain from throwing trash around or I will throw you around. Third, do not hump the statues of myself, that one's for Jack mainly."

"Damn!" Jack said, slapping his leg while Ianto and Rose giggled.

"Fourthly, Rose Tyler is a cute little smurf, just throwing that out there. Fifth, Ianto Jones is dignified and intelligent and makes the best damn coffee in the world, also throwing that out. Sixth, Jack is…alive. Anyway, those are the rules; we shall be going to the entrance gate shortly where robot staff will greet you. Oh! Seventhly, no humping the robots either. That's all from me and have a fantastic time in Doctorland."

As they drove through an empty car park to the main entrance, they could see two enormous animatronic robots of the Tenth Doctor. They were standing on either side of the entrance gate, moving their heads from side to side, grinning a cheesy grin and waving with one hand while holding up a large wooden sign with the other. The sign was positioned across the top of the gate and it said DOCTORLAND in large TARDIS blue lettering. When the Doctor pulled the tram up and parked a few feet from the gate, they heard the robots singing when he turned off the motor.

"Welcome to Doctorland, the happiest place on Earth," the robots were singing in unison. "Once you pass this tiny gate, you'll find happiness, joy and mirth. The Doctor is a wonderful man, we're very glad to say. Jack is forbidden to rape anything, so have a happy day."

"Oh, ha ha," Jack said while Ianto and Rose bent over laughing. "And we're not on Earth."

"I couldn't find a suitable rhyme for TARDIS, okay?" the Doctor said. "Now follow me. I have a VIP pass because I own the park so we can walk right through the gates without paying or waiting. Isn't that brilliant?"

"Whoop-di-frickin'-doo," Jack said, spinning his finger around as he, Ianto and Rose followed him to the gate.

Back                         Home                              Doctor Who Main Page                          Next

Your Name or Alias:      Your E-mail (optional):

Please type your review below. Only positive reviews will be posted! Constructive criticism will e-mailed to the author.