Chapter Ninety Eight

When they finally reached the final door and came outside, Jack noticed that the red dalek was five feet away, watching them. Jack grinned and flipped it off while they went past. He took several steps and noticed there was a whirring sound behind him. He looked behind him and noticed the dalek was now following him.

"Buzz off, Tin Man," Jack said to it.

The dalek said nothing and continued to follow him. Jack shrugged and turned his attention back to the front while the others headed out of Gallifrey Land. On the way out, they passed a food cart. Rose smelled something sizzling from a little metal box on the top of it. She let go of the Doctor's hand and walked over to it.

"Oi!" the Doctor said behind her.

Rose ignored him and walked over to the cart. She took a deep breath and smelled a smoky, fishy smell. Her mouth watered and she looked to her left and right, trying to locate a robot who would give her some of it. She felt something press up against her back and looked over her shoulder. The Doctor was standing up against her, an angry look on his face.

"Who gave you permission to let go of my hand?" he said while Jack and Ianto walked up behind him. "I gave no such permission to let go of my hand. My hand is cold now because of your insolence."

"Piss off," Rose said good naturedly.

"Not until you take my hand again," the Doctor teased as he held his right hand up to her. "It's cold, it needs warmth and security."

Jack grinned and threaded his fingers through the Doctor's. He figured the Doctor would jerk his hand away and say something sarcastic but to his surprise, the Doctor stepped back into him.

"See, this is what happens when you neglect me," the Doctor said to Rose. "I'm forced to find others to hold my hand."

"Hard cheese, mate, I'm gonna get some of this food," Rose said with a shrug. "Where's someone who can give me some?"

"I'm someone," the Doctor said. "But now I'm comfortable next to Jack so I can't serve you nibbles."

"Ianto, can you give me some of this?" Rose said to him.

Ianto started to move around the back of the cart when he suddenly spied the Ninth Doctor robot approaching the cart. Rose looked over and grinned when he walked up to her.

"Are you hungry?" he said.

"Yes, can you give me some?" Rose said, pointing to the box.

Nine moved around the back of the cart. He opened a small door in the back and took out a small Styrofoam bowl and a plastic fork. He then opened the side of the box and Rose breathed in the smoky, fishy scent while Nine used some tongs to put some of the food in the bowl. He put the tongs away in the cabinet, closed both doors and walked around the cart. He smiled tenderly as he gave Rose the food.

"Thank you," Rose said to the robot.

The robot rewarded her with a pat to the head before turning to walk off.

"Hey! What about the rest of us?" Jack said. "We're hungry too."

"Tongs, bowls and forks are in there," Nine said, pointing to the back of the cart before walking off.

"I hope you rust!" Jack yelled at him while the Doctor giggled.

The Doctor let go of Jack's hand and walked around the cart while Rose examined the food in the bowl. She realized that what she was smelling resembled purple octopus tentacles.

"What is this?" she said to the Doctor while Jack and Ianto leaned in and looked into her bowl.

"Malaganga," the Doctor said, opening the cabinet door. "Species of squid but less rubbery and tenderer than calamari. Try it."

Rose speared a tentacle with her fork. She picked it up and rotated the fork, looking at the tentacle before tentatively putting it in her mouth. Her eyes widened when she realized it tasted good. She slurped in the last of the tentacle and chewed it while she picked up another with her fork. While she did that, the Doctor prepared three bowls and gave one to Jack and Ianto before he put everything back and closed the doors. He took his bowl and fork and walked around the cart.

"Synthetic food obviously since the malaganga perished with Gallifrey but it's close enough."

"I love it, it's really good," Rose said.

Rose noticed the Doctor's happiness at hearing that and she was glad she was able to share a bit of his home world, even if it was through synthetic means. When she finished her bowl, she went around and got another helping, ignoring Jack's teasing about making a pig of herself. When she got another bowlful and put everything away, they turned to go on. Jack froze when he noticed the dalek robot had been behind him the whole time.

"What's this, a dalek stalker?" Jack said. "Shoo! Go away!" he said to the dalek.

"I LOVE YOU!" the dalek said.

"What?" Jack said while everyone else giggled. "Okay, that's even creepier than hearing it say exterminate. I…gah, go away!" Jack said when the dalek moved closer to him and nuzzled his chest with its eyestalk. "Go and find…something to kill. Go find that asshole Doctor robot and blow him away."

Jack walked around the dalek and looked back over his shoulder. Everyone laughed when he started running the moment the dalek began to follow him. The dalek sped up and everyone laughed while Jack ran towards the entrance with the dalek yelling, "I LOVE YOU!" to him.

"TARDIS, quit being an asshole to me!" Jack screamed up at the ceiling as he ran through the entrance.

The dalek stopped at the entrance, turned around and glided away.

"So, shall we move on to the next land then?" the Doctor said to the others.


When the Doctor led the others out into the hub, Jack was sitting on a bench finishing the last of his malaganga.

"Your TARDIS needs to learn to be less bored," Jack said while they walked up.

"Eh, she's just taking the mickey out of ya, Harkness, play along," the Doctor said, waving his hand dismissively. "So…where do we go next?"

"Terrorland," Rose said.

"How about Weight Watchers land since Rose needs to work off the two bowls of squid she just ate?" Jack said.

"How about Coffeeland?" Ianto said to them.

"There is no…"

The Doctor stared to tell him there was no Coffeeland when he suddenly noticed the TARDIS making a new land. He pointed to it and Ianto beamed as he walked towards the entrance. The entrance gate was formed by two enormous cups of coffee that acted as pillars for the entrance sign.

"Only Ianto would get any joy out of this land," Jack said while he watched him enter.

"Should we follow him?" Rose asked the Doctor.

"Are you interested in coffee?" the Doctor asked her.

"Not really," Rose said with a shrug.

They looked through the entrance gate and noticed Ianto was at a coffee cart pouring a cup of coffee for himself.

"I wanna go to Terrorland," Rose said, pointing behind her to another entrance gate whose pillars were in the shape of two bloody axes. "Let Ianto stay in Coffeeland for a moment."

"You kids go and explore Terrorland. I'll stay with Yan and meet you there when he's done having a coffee orgasm," Jack said.

"Kid? I'm older than you are, Harkness," the Doctor said.

He paused a moment and closed his eyes. A grin spread over his face and he took Rose's empty bowl and fork and set it down on the ground at her feet. Rose looked at it and gave him a confused look. She was going to pick it up when the Doctor stopped her and told her to wait.

"What happens now? A robot comes along and gets it?" Rose said, looking around.

Her eyes widened when suddenly the Time Lord robot ran out of Gallifrey Land with his bat and made a beeline for her.

"NO LITTERING IN THE PARK, YOUNG LADY!" he bellowed at he ran at her.

"I DIDN'T DO IT!" Rose yelled and the Doctor and Jack laughed hysterically when the Time Lord robot chased her around the hub, trying to hit her with the baseball bat while he bellowed about how litterers should be punished severely. The Doctor giggled as he bent down and threw the empty bowl and fork in a nearby rubbish bin. He then called the Time Lord robot off Rose and ordered him to go back to his land.

"Sorry, Rose, the TARDIS told me to do it," the Doctor said when Rose gave him a sour look and walked back to him and Jack.

Back                         Home                              Doctor Who Main Page                          Next

Your Name or Alias:      Your E-mail (optional):

Please type your review below. Only positive reviews will be posted! Constructive criticism will e-mailed to the author.