Chapter Two

The Doctor opened the TARDIS door and stuck his head out.

"So…where are we?" Amy said as she stood behind him.

"No idea but it's very cold and snowy and we're in a rural area," the Doctor said. "So…winter gear and boots then."

He shut the door. Thirty minutes later, he opened it again and all of them stepped outside. There was about a foot of snow on the ground but the roads had been plowed and it was a sunny day. The air was chilly, however, and Amy shivered a moment when she stepped out the door. She looked around but the only sign of life she saw was a bunch of cows in a fenced in field to her left. Up ahead was another road that veered off to the left and the road they were on stretched into the distance with only a few trees to break up the monotony of white and fields. Off to her right was a fenced in field and far in the distance was a forest. The TARDIS was beside the empty field next to the road. They were standing in snow that was up to their shins.

"So…we landed in the middle of nowhere," Amy said to the Doctor.

"There is a house nearby, I asked the TARDIS to find one," the Doctor said.

"No, there are cows nearby," Amy said, pointing to them. "Apparently, your ship gets confused."

"There's a road up ahead. Maybe the house is down that road," the Doctor said, pointing to the second road.

"Where?" Amy said, trying to see anything besides the cows.

"We will walk and find out," the Doctor said as he picked his leg up and tried to walk through the deep snow. "Come on, it's an adventure."

"Yeah, just keep telling yourself that," Amy muttered as everyone followed him.

They managed to get out of the deep snow and onto the road. But the road had black ice on it and Amy gasped as she nearly fell on her ass.

"Steady there, Pond," the Doctor said, grabbing her before she fell. "Be careful and watch where you walk."

"Ya think?" Amy said.

The Doctor let go but instead of heading for the road, he walked over to the fenced in area where the cows were trying to find something to graze on. To Amy's surprise, the Doctor began to low to the cows.

"And what are you doing now?" Amy said as the others stepped off the road and sloughed over to him.

"Asking the cows where the houses are," the Doctor said over his shoulder before he resumed his mooing.

"You're asking cows for directions?" Rory said.

"Yes, Williams, the cows would know, they've probably been here long enough," the Doctor said over his shoulder before turning his attention back to the cows.

The cows mooed and the Doctor nodded and mooed back.

"They said a house is up the other road about a mile from here," he said smugly to his companions. "See, I'm not like most males who don't stop to ask for directions."

"No and most males don't get their directions from ruddy cows either," Amy said.

"They're very reliable," the Doctor said, pointing to them. "They've been here for ages. Just trust me, Pond, I know what I'm doing. So let's crack on and find that house, eh?"

"Wait, did the cows say where we are?" Amy said.

The Doctor froze for a moment before turning back towards the cows.

"He didn't even think to ask the cows where we're at," Amy said to Rory and River while the Doctor mooed again. "We're in big trouble, I just know it."

"They said we're in Corntopia," the Doctor said after finishing his conversation.

"What? Where's Corntopia?" Rory said. "I never even heard of that."

"I believe it's the cows' name for wherever we are at the moment," the Doctor said.

"So they don't know where we're at," Amy said.

"We're in Corntopia, they just said that," the Doctor said. "You wouldn't expect them to use the same names as humans, do you?"

"We're in very big trouble," Amy said to her family while the Doctor turned and walked away.

"Come along, my family, lots to see in Corntopia," the Doctor called over his shoulder while he headed for the other road.

"Oh yeah, there's just so much to see besides the cows and snow," Amy said while she followed the Doctor.

They walked along behind the Doctor who was looking around as if the scenery was the most fascinating thing on the entire planet. River watched her husband before she eyed the snow at the side of the road. She gave her parents an impish grin, scooped up some of the snow in her gloved hand and hurried forward. She smeared the snow on the back of the Doctor's butt while Amy and Rory giggled. The Doctor gasped in surprise and turned to see River giving him a cheeky grin.

"I don't like the color of your trousers, sweetie. White is more your color," she said, patting the shocked Doctor's face.

The Doctor smirked and River hurried away when he thrust his hands into a nearby snowdrift and scooped up some snow. Amy and Rory tried to run while he eyed everyone as he made a huge snowball.

"Trifle with me, will ye?" he said as he patted the snowball into shape. "I shall show you what happens when you muck with the Oncoming Storm."

"Eh, you're all hot air," Amy said as she tried to back away from him.

"Then why are you trying to get away from me then?" the Doctor said innocently while he slowly advanced on her. "If you're not afraid of me, why don't you stand your ground, Amelia?"

"Because I'm a decoy," Amy said.

The Doctor ducked just as Rory threw a snowball from behind. The projectile sailed over his head and splatted onto the road without making contact. The Doctor jerked back up and gave Amy a smug grin.

"I know who's behind me and I know what they're doing," he said as he continued to walk towards her. "I haven't survived this long without honing my battle skills, you know. You, on the other hand, are an amateur compared to me."

He grunted when a snowball smacked into his head from behind.

"I'm not," River said smugly from behind him. "I have battle skills of my own, love."

She giggled when an evil grin crept over the Doctor's face. He turned to face her and Amy grinned and hurried to make a snowball of her own.

"I know what you're doing, Pond. Don't think I don't know," the Doctor said while he slowly walked towards River. "Throwing a snowball at me is futile."

"Really? Seemed to work for my daughter just now," Amy called out as she grabbed a bunch of snow from a drift.

The Doctor looked at Rory. He was standing on the road behind River, another snowball in his hand.

"You're going down in defeat," Rory said to the Doctor. "There are three of us against just one of you."

"Ha! But I am an army," the Doctor crowed. "I think I proved that much at Demon's Run. You can't stop me but I can stop all of you and bury you up to your necks in snowdrifts until you plead for mercy and I'll stand there and listen to your pleading and laugh and laugh until I wet myself and…"

He felt the waistband of his trousers being pulled from behind. He turned slightly and looked at Amy who was now trying to put a handful of snow down into his pants. She gave him an innocent look while he eyed her.

"I thought I saw a raccoon poking out of the top of your trousers," Amy said. "I was going to kill it with snow."


He grunted when River's snowball slammed into the side of his face. Amy giggled and shoved the handful of snow into the other side of his face. The Doctor let out a deep roar and tried to look menacing while Amy ran from him.

"I am…"

The Doctor's awe-inspiring speech of doom while stopped when Rory hit him in the back of the head with his snowball. Grinning, the Doctor yelled at the top of his lungs while he ran off the road into the deep snow. He continued to roar while he flung snow up into the air.

"Having a slight tantrum, husband?" River teased while the Doctor half laughed and half roared and flung the snow up into the air around him.

"Doctor angry! Doctor smash!" the Doctor said in a deep voice while he flung the snow at the road.

"Doctor barmy!" Amy said, imitating his deep voice while she joined him in the snow.

The Doctor laughed and flung some snow at her. Amy flung some snow back and they threw handfuls of snow at one another while they laughed.

"For once, I'm glad we're out in the middle of nowhere," Rory said to his daughter. "I can just imagine how many people would ring the asylum if they saw this."

"Okay, I'm spent," the Doctor said as he flopped down into the snow and sat there.

"Aren't you cold?" Amy asked as she stopped.

"Yes, my arse is very, very cold at the moment, thanks for your concern," the Doctor said, looking at her.

Amy grinned. She trudged through the snow and helped him to stand. She helped get the snow off his butt before the two of them trudged back up to the road. River took his hand and Rory took Amy's hand as they resumed their snowy hike.

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