HAPPY HILLBILLY THANKSGIVING!

Chapter Twenty One

The Doctor grinned. He could hear the stilted conversation in the other room, so different from their table where they were laughing and teasing each other. He guessed Lori's family were trying to behave themselves since there were others present now. To be honest, he actually preferred to be with the children. He was currently taking the mickey out of Brittany because she was eating some turducken just to spite him. She was making a point of taking a huge exaggerated bite and chewing it with her mouth open while the children laughed.

"You're just begging to be slapped, aren't ya?" the Doctor said after the third big bite of turducken.

"Just making you squirm," Brittany said after swallowing the bite in her mouth.

"Humans, you disgust me," the Doctor said to her.

He eyed Michelle and she giggled when she tried to sneak a bite of his macaroni and cheese.

"You don't want that," Michelle said, pointing to his macaroni and cheese with her fork.

"You don't want this either," the Doctor said, taking her glass of milk and putting it by his.

"You're right, I don't," Michelle said with a shrug.

"Now wait a moment, milk is good for you, it grows your bones so you can become a six foot monster," the Doctor said.

"You're a six foot monster!" Mandy said to him.

"Yes and I can stomp you into the snow so beware!" the Doctor said to Mandy. "I am fierce and strong and will you lay off my macaroni cheese?" the Doctor said to Michelle when she tried to take it again.

"You don't want that," Michelle said, pointing to it.

"You don't want a black eye either but I will oblige you with one," the Doctor said, poking her side playfully.

"I'm not afraid of you," Michelle said with another shrug.

"You should be, you should be very afraid," the Doctor said, waggling his fingers.

Michelle grinned and pressed on his nose.

"See, not afraid," she said smugly.

"Do that again and see if you live to tell the tale," the Doctor said.

Michelle pressed on his nose again and waited.

"Do that again, I wasn't ready to kill you just then," the Doctor said.

The children giggled while she pressed on his nose a third time.

"Weird, I can't seem to muster up the strength to kill you. Must be some sort of force field holding me back," the Doctor muttered.

Michelle hopped her chair and ran back to the counter.

"I think I'll get you some turducken now," she said to the Doctor.

"You wouldn't dare," the Doctor said while the children giggled.

"I'll get you some tur…duck…en," Michelle said in a singsong voice.

"I'll give you a black eeeeye," the Doctor said in a singsong voice.

"Turducken for you then," Michelle said, grabbing a large piece from the pan.

"No, anything but that!" the Doctor said with fake horror as she carried the piece back to him in her hands. "You fiend! How dare you! No!" the Doctor said when she put the piece of turducken on top of his macaroni and cheese and sat back down beside him.

"You fiend!" the Doctor said while the children laughed. "You have sunk to an all new low with this one and on top of my macaroni cheese too. You fiendish fiend!"

By now the Doctor was aware that the other room was silent and he figured they were listening to them. He was surprised his family members hadn't joined them yet since he didn't hear any laughter coming from them. His attention turned back to Michelle when she tried to get his macaroni and cheese again.

"You don't want that," Michelle said before letting out another giggle at the peeved look on his face.

"You're just asking for a smack bottom, aren't you?" the Doctor said while the children laughed. "First you terrorize me with turducken then you try to take my macaroni cheese from me."

"Why do you keep calling it macaroni cheese?" Michelle said. "It's macaroni AND cheese."

"Not in England," the Doctor said smugly. "I go by what England does and I say it's macaroni cheese."

"If England jumped off a cliff would you do it too?" Michelle said.

The children laughed when the Doctor gave her a bemused look.

"Are you referring to England, the people or England, the landmass? Because if you meant the landmass, that is both impossible and silly," the Doctor said.

"I meant England, the landmass," Michelle said.

"Then I would have to say no because England jumping off a cliff is both impossible and silly."

"But you're impossible and silly," Brittany said. "So you'd be in good company."

"Shut your noise, you," the Doctor said to her with a grin while the children laughed. "We weren't including you in our discussion."

"I know, I included myself so there," Brittany said before sticking her tongue out.

The Doctor paused for a moment.

"Want some turducken?" he said to her, pointing to the mass of meat with his fork.

"No, that's a gift from my sister," Brittany said. "It would be rude not to eat it."

"Well, I am rude so…do you want it?" he said to her.

"Eat it!" Tom said.

"You!" the Doctor said while he giggled. "You open up your pie hole and shove it in, I'm not touching it with a barge pole!"

"Okay, you lot are having way too much fun in here," Amy said, coming into the room. "Everyone in here stopped talking long ago just so we could hear you."

"Pond! Help me! They're trying to forcefeed me turducken! Me no want!" the Doctor said while the children laughed. "And the macaroni cheese thief is trying to pilfer my pasta! Help!"

"It's macaroni AND cheese!" Michelle said.

"She also insists on being American which is annoying me to no end," the Doctor said." I keep telling her to be British and she won't have it."

"You're not British anyway, so there," Michelle said smugly.

"I'm more British than you are, Yank!" the Doctor said to her.

He frowned when Michelle reached up and tugged briefly on his ear.

"What was that about?" he asked her.

"You said to yank so I did," Michelle said.

"And she keeps insisting on taking my words and literalizing them," the Doctor said to Amy while the children giggled.

By now, Rory and River had appeared in the doorway with Amy.

"Did they put caffeine in your milk or something?" Rory asked. "You lot are beyond hyper."

"Well, he did say he belonged at the children's table," River said with a shrug.

"He won't eat turducken," Mandy said to them.

"Now, now, Doctor," Amy said, walking over to him. "Eat your turducken like a good little boy."

The Doctor clamped his mouth shut and folded his arms over his chest while the children giggled.

"Mm-mm," the Doctor said, shaking his head and clamping his lips shut when Amy pulled off a tiny piece and tried to put it into his mouth.

"Come on, eat it!" Amy said, putting the slice of meat against his lips.

"Mm-mmmmm," the Doctor said while the children laughed.

He eyed Michelle when she tried to get his macaroni and cheese again.

"You don't want that," Michelle said, pointing to it.

The Doctor pointed to Amy then pointed to Michelle and put his fist into his open palm while giving Amy a pointed look.

"Hit you? You want me to hit you?" Amy said, feigning confusion.

The Doctor gave her a withering look while the children laughed.

"Where did you find these limeys?" they heard Jack say. "Those Brit fuckers are completely nuts."

A silence fell over the house and Michelle and Brittany shared a look.

"Right, suddenly the children's table sounds great," Amy said before she, Rory and River turned and went to get their plates.

Back                         Home                              Doctor Who Main Page                          Next