Chapter Twenty Four

Lori sat at the table, fuming at her relative's behavior. After the Doctor left, no one said anything more, only ate in silence. Lori resolved to never invite Randy, Jack or Dan to her house ever again after this fiasco.

While they ate, Lori heard the Doctor calling her name from downstairs. Before anyone could make a snide comment about the "Limeys" she excused herself and headed downstairs. When she went downstairs, she paused when she saw Ten and Donna standing with the others. The Doctor smiled and walked towards her.

"Lori, I wanted to introduce you to two additional guests," he said.


Lori was stunned when she learned who the guests really were and heard what happened while they were gone.

"And you're serious about this? You want to get involved?" Lori asked Ten when the Doctor finished explaining the situation.

"I always assist someone when they asked me for help," Ten said. "Especially children. I also don't like this whole shooting Santa thing."

Lori looked at Michelle.

"You told them that?" she said.

Michelle nodded.

"Look, we're not all like them," Lori said, embarrassed.

"I know, my other self filled me in," Ten said. "He likes you. But he and I came up with a way to get back at your relatives."

"How?" Lori said.

Ten and Eleven grinned as they shared a glance.

"Well, what we came up with is a little less extreme than my first idea which was dressing up as a confederate soldier while Donna dressed in Klan robes. But…I can imitate any dialect in the universe so I'm going to pass myself off as a hick American southerner. And the TARDIS can altar my appearance temporarily to make me look more yokelish. So, come with us and we'll tell you our plan."


"I wonder if the limeys are gonna come back up here and eat?" Randy said, nudging his brother. "They probably don't have any guts left after running away. I'm sure that one Brit is downstairs, whining to Lori about how unfair we were."

"Will you be quiet?" Alicia finally said. "You're acting like a couple of idiots."

"They never should have invited them," Randy said to her. "We don't need a bunch of limeys invading our house, especially at Thanksgiving. This is our holiday, not theirs! I'm sure they're planning to take back the US and make it part of their empire again!"

While this was going on, everyone was standing out of view near the top step.

"There isn't a British empire anymore, idiot," Amy muttered.

Lori looked at Ten and Donna. The TARDIS had given them a holographic disguise that enveloped them on all sides and looked real. The Doctor and Donna were dressed like rednecks. The Doctor's hair was still spiky on top but the back had been lengthened into a mullet. He wore a safety orange t-shirt that had an outline of a hunter holding a shotgun and the words I'D RATHER BE HUNTING under it. His brown trousers had been replaced by camouflage ones and there was a fake tattoo of the Confederate flag on his right arm. Donna's red hair was cut short in a butch cut and she looked like she had missing teeth. She wore a red and green plaid shirt with green trousers and army boots. Ten giggled when he got another look at his companion.

"That is definitely your look, Donna," he said softly to her.

"Yeah, well you need to take a look at yourself in the mirror, Yokel Boy," Donna said softly.

Ten winked at her before looking at Lori.

"Whenever you're ready," he said to her.

Lori grinned and she got in front of Ten and Donna while the others stood on the steps and listened.


"Everyone, I have an announcement to make," Lori said when she stepped into the hallway. "Some cousins of mine made it here today."

Everyone stared as Ten and Donna showed themselves.

"Howdy y'all!" the Doctor said with a heavy American Southern accent. "I'm Bucky and this is Lurlene. We managed to make it up here in time for Thanksgiving."

"Who?" Randy said. "I've never heard of em."

"Well, they're…distant cousins," Lori said. "They don't get out much."

"Nah, we usually stay down in our hometown of Bear's Bollocks, Tennessee. But we decided we were lonely and we wanted to come and share Thanksgiving with y'all," Ten drawled. "Ain't that right, Lurlene?"

Donna hesitated a moment, knowing she was useless at doing Southern accents.

"Yeah," she finally said in a deep, manly voice.

Ten looked at her and she shrugged.

"Lurlene was one of them lesbians," Ten drawled. "But she found Jesus Christ and by the power of God, she was saved and now she likes dick. Praise Jesus!"

The whole table was silent while everyone stared at Ten and Donna in silent shock. Lori had her hand over her face, trying to hide her silent laughter. She glanced at her husband.

"What's going on?" he mouthed to Lori.

"I'll tell you later," Lori mouthed back.

Ten reached into the bigger on the inside pocket of his trousers and pulled out a can of Budweiser beer. Randy and Jack did a double take when he pulled off the pull tab and took a swig.

"Lori, hon, where's our food?" Ten drawled. "We came all this way. We want some vittles now!"

"Yeah!" Donna said in a deep voice.

"Um…come with me," Lori said, trying not to laugh out loud.

Ten and Donna got up and followed her into the kitchen. She waited till she got over to the sink before collapsing against it in silent laughter.

"Wow, that was…different," Lori said when she could find her voice. "Is that how you think humans act?"

"Not all humans," Ten said in his normal voice. "But I'm doing an over exaggeration of a redneck human."

"I'll say," Lori said. "I'll have to explain all this to my husband now but this is so worth it, just to see the looks on my asshole relative's faces. It's nice to see someone mocking them for a change. Help yourselves to whatever you want to eat, you're earning it as far as I'm concerned."

"Lori, what the hell is going on? Who are these people?" Jim said, coming into the kitchen.

"Jim, come with me to the bedroom and I'll explain. You two help yourselves to the food and keep going. Come with me," Lori said to her husband.

Ten watched while Lori took her husband out of the room before looking at Donna.

"What's with the "Yeah!" he said, imitating her deep voice.

"I can't do an American accent like you can and I don't want to tip everyone off that I'm English," Donna said to him.

"Actually, use your normal accent," the Doctor said. "And posh it up, it'll confuse them more."

Donna grinned and nodded. They grabbed a couple of plates and heaped food onto it.

"Here, have a beer, Lurlene," the Doctor said, tossing her another Budweiser from his pocket.

"Awfully decent of you, old chap," Donna said with a nasally posh accent.

Ten and Donna grinned at each other, grabbed their plates, silverware and cans of beer and hurried into the other room.

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