Chapter Twenty Five

The Doctor stood on the steps with his family and the children. All of them were trying not to laugh but it was difficult not to.

"I love that they're being silly and acting stupid like my cousins," Michelle said.

"Hopefully, this will teach them to behave if they ever decide to come back here again," the Doctor said, patting her shoulder.

"Okay, sorry about that y'all, we're back now," they heard Ten say.

The Doctor put his finger to his lips and silenced everyone while they listened.


"So," Ten said, plopping down in his seat while Donna did the same, "nice to see the kinfolk on this day of blessings and thanksgiving. Sorry we never really met, we've been busy hunting. Bagged a forty point stag the other day in the woods out back of our trailer. Big old bastard. Took a machine gun to bring him down."

He took a swig of his beer while Donna opened her can. Ten glanced at Dan while he drank and noticed the envious look on his face. His counterpart had told him about the case of beer in Dan's car which was why he was rubbing it in now.

"You found a forty point stag?" Randy said to Ten. "There's no such thing!"

"There is in Tennessee, they grow em big down there," Ten said after swallowing the beer. "Isn't that right, Darlin'?" he said to Donna.

"Oh, absolutely," Donna said with her posh accent. "We had a spiffing good time shooting that deer. And now it'll make a jolly good addition to our collection of dead animal heads."

Ten bit his lip when everyone stared at Donna now.

"After that, we attended a very lovely Klan rally on the steps of the courthouse," Donna said. "Down with the darkies and all that."

It was Ten's turn to hide his smile behind his hand since now everyone was completely confused. No one had touched their food since they started this and Ten actually saw Randy and Jack shift uneasily.

"Yup," Ten drawled. "Gotta kill all the non whites in the world. White supremacy rules."

"I completely agree," Donna said. "Or send everyone back where they came from. They should just erect a load of bally fences around every country's border and electrify it so no one can escape. America for the Americans, that's what I say!"

"If you're American, how come you got a British accent then?" Randy said.

"What accent, love?" Donna said to him. "I'm American, through and through. Was born and bred in Bear's Bollocks. You must have confused me with another bally chap."

Doctor, Ten thought to his counterpart.

Yeah? Eleven thought back.

Send one of your companions out here so we can taunt the Brits, eh? Ten thought back to him.

Eleven grinned.

"I need a volunteer," Eleven said to his family.

"Me!" Michelle said, raising her hand.

"No, love, they have to have a non-American accent this time," Eleven said.

"I'll go," River said.

"Will you restrain yourself?" Eleven asked her.

"Depends on what those gits say to me," River said.

Eleven glanced at Amy and Rory before he nodded to River. River grinned and casually walked up the rest of the stairs.

"So anyway," Ten drawled to Lori's stunned relatives, "we go huntin' a lot. Bagged all kinds of critters, especially swamp gators. We have several swamp gator rugs on the floor and…hey!" Ten said when he spied River walking towards him. "There's one of those limeys now! Go back where you came from, limey scum!"

"Quite right," Donna said to River. "You do not belong in the good old U.S. of A. Take your person and get thee hence to the nearest boat, post haste!"

River gave Donna an odd look. Donna shrugged.

"Not good at being posh," she mouthed to her when she turned her back to the others at the table.

River nodded.

"Look, you can't threaten me," River said to Ten when he stood up with Donna. "I have every right to be here."

"So do I," Ten drawled. "And I have every right to order you out of my country, limey! Get back where you came from and leave America to the Americans."

"Could you stop, please?"

Ten shut up when he heard Randy. He glanced at Donna and they turned around.

"What? I'm just telling the limey to get the hell outta our country," Ten said to Randy.

"I don't know who you are but you're no relatives of ours," Randy said.

"No, we're not," the Doctor said in his normal voice. "But we were asked to come here after you called our friends names and made a scene."

"You're British?" Great Uncle Tom said.

"Yes," Ten said.

"How'd you get here?" Jack said. "Are there a bunch of lime…"

He swallowed hard when Ten glared at him.

"Are there a bunch of British people roaming around Indiana now," he corrected himself.

"Donna and I were in town and the Doctor rang us and asked us to come here. We decided to show you our interpretation of a redneck. We thought you'd enjoy it since you seem to enjoy hunting and hate people who aren't American and Caucasian. But apparently we went too far, even for you. You not only upset our relatives but also yours. Michelle and Mandy and Tom and Brittany are all upset by your behavior."

"And frankly, after hearing what you did, they seem better behaved than you," Donna said.

"We're sorry we ruined your plans for a relatives only dinner," River said. "But this is Jim and Lori's house and they apparently had no problem with us being here. Frankly, my family and me are disgusted that people like you can still act the way you do. This is the twenty first century, not the nineteenth."

"Well said," Great Uncle Tom said.

"And I don't normally drink beer but I also heard you threw a fit when you couldn't bring beer in here and get drunk," Ten said to Dan.

"I wasn't going to get drunk, I just wanted a few beers with my dinner," Dan said angrily.

"You get drunk, you get drunk all the time."

They looked over when Michelle came around the partition with her family and the Doctor, Amy and Rory.

"You get drunk and get mean," Michelle added while they walked over to the table. "And you say I'm a retard because I like to read instead of talking to you."

"And you keep saying racist things," Brittany said to Randy and Jack. "You go on and on about how other races need to go back where they came from like it's the Civil War or something."

"And you pretend to shoot Santa," Michelle added. "And that's why Mommy won't let us come over to your houses anymore."

The Doctor looked at Lori's family. Everyone had gone silent but he could see a triumphant smirk on Ruth's face and he suspected she'd wanted to say the same to her husband for some time. Dan looked at Randy and Jack and as one they rose from the table.

"Fine, we're going then," Randy said. "Since we're not wanted here."

"Happy Thanksgiving," Jack said in a snotty voice.

"Come on, Ruth, we're going," Dan said to his wife.

"No, I'll find a way home later. You go on without me," Ruth said.

The Doctor started to come to Ruth's defense when Dan gave her a dirty look. But he nodded at his sons and glared at the Doctor before the three of them walked past the group and headed towards the front door.

Back                         Home                              Doctor Who Main Page                          Next

Your Name or Alias:      Your E-mail (optional):

Please type your review below. Only positive reviews and constructive criticism will be posted.