HELTER SKELTER

Chapter Twenty Eight

Twenty minutes later, Ringo came into Paul's room with the Doctor and William behind him.

"I have found them, my Lord," he said to John with a salute.

"Thank you, Serf Starkey; you may go back to tending to your fields now."

"Yes, Lord!" Ringo said, saluting while the Doctor chuckled.

John and the others came up to him.

"We know you're busy yet we felt that we should take a moment to celebrate the fact that Paul isn't dead and that those near and dear to us are once again back with us."

"Hear, hear," Paul said while the Doctor nodded in agreement.

"We have also decided to make you one of us since you were gracious enough to take Paul and all of us under your wing," John continued. "You didn't have to come back in time and save Paul. You could have just left it to fate but you decided he was worth saving and we will be forever grateful for that."

"It was my pleasure," the Doctor replied. "But actually, to be honest, it was Amy's idea first."

"Oh Lord, I owe my life to Piss Off, Pond."

Everyone laughed when Paul got up off the bed and sprinted out the door when Amy tried to smack his head. He stuck his head back inside and grinned as he sauntered back in and sat back down on the bed. John called to him and Jane to come and they stood up as everyone except Roger encircled the Doctor, Amy, Rory and William. John looked at Roger.

"Are you going to do this?" he asked him.

"Why? I'm not a Beatle," he replied.

"I know. It's a drag that you're with that other group but not everyone gets lucky in life," John said while everyone giggled.

"Why don't you go play with your little toy boat in the bath, John?" Roger said.

"Why don't you go back to your band and talk to the others about my generation, Roger? Seeing as how you lot sing that daft song."

"Well at least I'm not a loser, you loser," Roger retorted.

"Ha! That's not the title of the song, it's I'm a Loser."

"You are?" Roger said. "Gee, John, don't be so hard on yourself. Not everyone is lucky enough to be in The Who, you know."

John snorted at that.

"Anyway, moving on with what we're doing here," he said while everyone chuckled. "My fellow Beatle brethren, join hands!"

Everyone joined hands except for Jane who looked unsure. Paul glanced at her.

"Is she a part of this?" he asked John.

"Yes. She will become a part of the brotherhood through marriage. She must join in the circle."

"Have to join in the circle, love," Paul said, taking her hand.

John cleared his throat while Roger leaned against the door and watched.

"Fellow Beatles, I have brought you together to form this circle of love and light around our newest friends. They all came into our lives in unusual ways but now that they are here we welcome them. Say oooom!"

"Oooooooooom!" the Beatles and Jane intoned.

"They have done us a great service by saving the life of our bouncin' baby Paulie who would have been a beheaded bloody crispy corpse right now if it wasn't for them. Say oooooom!"

"Ooooooooooom!" the Beatles and Jane said as everyone laughed.

"I hereby say that we should adopt these four as official Beatles and welcome them into the Beatle Brotherhood! All who agree say aye!"

"Aye!" everyone said except Paul.

John looked at Paul.

"Beatle Brother McCartney, do you object?" John asked.

"Yeah, we gotta include Piss Off, Pond in this?"

They laughed when Amy smacked his head.

"Oi! Watch his head! It's tender," John said in a female voice as he wagged his finger at Amy. "We don't want Paulie to die of severe head injuries!"

John had an evil grin when he put his hand up above Paul's head again.

"Hand of doom, the walrus must die!" he said while Paul rolled his eyes and everyone giggled.

He kept it there while he looked at Paul.

"Not going to take my hand away?" he said to him.

"I'm ignoring ya because obviously this will be a running joke from here on out," Paul said. "Perhaps if I don't react, you'll tire of it."

"Okey-dokey then," John said, keeping his hand above his hand. "Anyway…"

He smiled when he changed the open palm to bunny ears and wiggled his fingers above Paul's head.

"Like I said, we are grateful that you rescued bouncin' baby bunny Paulie," he said while Paul looked at Jane and shook his head. "The little bunny would have been six feet under the carrot patch without your assistance and…Ow!" John cried when Paul grabbed the hand and wrenched it.

Everyone laughed when John snatched his hand away and gave Paul a look of mock horror.

"What John is trying to say in between his macabre jokes about my death," Paul said while John made a show of waving his injured wrist around as if it were broke. "Is that in gratitude for all you've done for us, we wish to adopt you as honorary Beatles."

"Doc, do you have anything that'll cure me broken wrist?" John moaned to the Doctor, "Bloody Bunny Paulie Poo snapped it!"

"There, there," George said, taking his hand and patting it, "it'll be alright."

"It will?" John said in a trembling voice, "will the bunny hurt me again?"

"No, the bunny won't hurt you, I won't let him," George said while everyone laughed.

"Anyway," Paul said, shaking his head while everyone laughed harder, "I wish to second John's proposal that all of you become Beatle brothers in arms and Pond, in order for you to become one you must pay us fifty guineas and a goat, so hand over the loot and the goat!"

"No!" Amy said.

"Fine then, no Beatle brotherhood for you," Paul said while the others laughed. "And William…"

"Yeah?" William said.

"I offer you something more than just being an honorary Beatle. For you see, you were going to be my twin and in this spirit, I accept you as such. From this day forth, we are twin brothers."

Everyone laughed when John suddenly ran to him, threw his arms around him and let out a loud sob on his shoulder.

"It's so beautiful!" John wailed. "They're brothers at laaaaaaast! Whaaaaaaaaa!"

"Get off me, ya git!" Paul said.

They laughed when George and Ringo came over and join John in the hugging and wailing. Paul feigned exasperation and let out a sigh.

"Anyway, I hope you'll think of me as your twin brother," Paul said to William.

"I'd like nothing more," William said.

"HE ACCEPTEEEEEEEEEEEED," John wailed while Roger bent over laughing. "IT'S SOOOOOOO BEAUTIIIIIIIFUUUUUUUUUUUUUL-AH!"

John cut short the crying and he, Ringo and George formed the circle again while Paul smiled.

"See, this is what you lot missed since we've had so much sadness lately," Paul said. "Normally we do laugh and joke around."

"Yes and we needed to do this to get our spirits up again," John said to them. "Because there's nothing that we can't do working together as a team."

"I totally agree with that," the Doctor said. "And I accept your honorary Beatlehood."

"As do I," Rory said.

"Do I get to do this or do I have to pay fifty guineas and the goat to join?" Amy said while they laughed.

"Oh, we'll waive the entrance fee since you're already my sister," Paul said.

"HE WAIVED THE ENTRANCE FEEEEEEEEEEE!," John wailed while everyone laughed. "IT'S SO BEAUTIFUUUUUUUUUUL!"

"Don't mind John, he's off his trolley," Paul said.

"Yes, I am," John said with wide eyes, "I got put in the insane asylum for stabbing a walrus with his own tusk!"

Roger walked up to John and leaned in.

"Sure you lot don't want to become honorary Who instead? We have openings."

"No, they don't wanna join your manky band, Daltry, piss off!" John said.

"Least we're all sane," Roger said.

"Sure about that? I'd check if I were you," John said while the others giggled.

Roger ignored that.

"I just want to quickly say something so they can go back to their daft ritual…I also consider you friends and you're more than welcome anytime you want to drop in on me and my band mates."

"Well considering your band mates are all in here now that won't be too hard, will it?" George said.

"Thank you," the Doctor said while Amy, Rory and William nodded in agreement.

"You're welcome. Now I'll let these daft monkeys get back to their idiotic initiation thingy and go back to the door."

"Thank God for small favors, Roger and his manky BO have gone back over there," John said.

"I wouldn't talk, Lennon, you're a bit ripe yourself," Roger said as he leaned up against the door.

"Oh, go smash a drum!" John said.

"Happy to, we can afford to do it after all," Roger said to him.

"So can we, we're richer than you are! Paul, smash your Hofner bass and show him how rich we are."

"Uh…no," Paul said while they laughed.

"I'd like to say something," George said.

"Shhhhhh, Harrison is speaking, we must pay attention," John said while George chuckled at that.

George smiled warmly at the people in the circle.

"I don't believe in coincidences," he said to them. "I believe that everything happens for a reason and that you were meant to intervene and save Paul's life in order to correct a gross injustice in the universe. Listening to your explanation of how things were before when we were forced to accept William in place of Paul, I am doubly thankful that you chose to take time out from your travels and fix things. William is a nice bloke but I have a feeling that without your intervention he would have remained the Diablons' slave and that's why we all hated him before. You are now free from their influence, William, and I'm glad that Paul has become your friend and brother because you are a wonderful chap and even though the circumstances were a bit odd, I'm glad that fate brought you into our circle of love."

"Thank you," William said.

"Doctor, I admire you and your quest to rid the universe of evil. You're truly an inspiration and a guiding light in the universe and I hope that everything you do will have the blessing of God."

"Thank you, George," the Doctor said.

"Rory, you're a great and a decent chap and I'm also glad that you've come here among us. I hope you and I can become close friends."

"I'd like that," Rory said.

"Amy…piss off!"

"Thanks a lot, George!" she said as everyone laughed.

"Sorry, couldn't resist taking the mickey out of ya like Paul does. I'm so glad that you are a wonderful and funny girl and not some autograph seeking tart like we thought you were when you first came into Ming's. I'm sorry that you had to share in Paul's captivity but on the other hand it brought the two of you closer together and you became sister and brother and so even then something good came out of it. So I'd also like to welcome you to our circle."

"Thank you, George," Amy said.

"My turn then," Ringo said.

"Shhh, silence, the drummer speaks!" John said.

"Yes, I do," Ringo replied with a haughty look. "I can do more than play the drums, ya know."

"Just barely."

Ringo eyed George while everyone else laughed. Ringo rolled his eyes and smiled at the people inside the circle.

"I also want to say how grateful I am that you rescued Paul. That song Don't Pass Me By…I wrote that song in '64, however I never mentioned a car crash and when I heard that played back to me the night we were listening to all the Beatles stuff, I was shocked. I figure I must have added that in the first time around after hearing about Paul dying. Damn, now I'll have to keep that line in there when we finally record the song."

"Who says we're gonna record it?"

"Oooo, that was cold," John said when Ringo stared at Paul in shock.

Paul winked at him.

"Sorry, mate, just havin' ya on, please continue," he said to Ringo.

"I'd hate to think what would have happened if things were left as they were. It would have been a complete mess and so I'm also grateful that you decided to set things right," Ringo said. "I agree with George, Doctor. I'm glad you are taking it upon yourself to fight evil and injustice in the universe and I hope you and your friends stay safe while you're doing that."

"Thank you," the Doctor said.

"William, I know what it's like to be the outsider who replaces the band member since I replaced Pete Best. But I was welcomed warmly by the lads and instantly treated as one of them and it would be hypocritical and rude of me to do no less to you. So welcome, twin brother of our beloved Paul."

"Thank you," William said.

"Rory…used to play drums for a group called Rory Storm and the Hurricanes; it was my first professional job. Your name brings back good memories of that time. You're a wonderful chap and extremely courageous to be doing something like this. I admire that and admire that you've left a good job being a nurse to go all over time and space fighting evil. I too hope we can become best mates from here on out."

"Thank you," Rory said.

"Pond…piss off!"

Everyone bent over laughing while Amy threw her hands up in the air.

"Hey, they did it so I have to do it too; it's one of the rules of the brotherhood!" Ringo said, pointing to his friends. "In all seriousness though, what can I say that hasn't been said? You are a very charming, funny, sweet girl and I agree about being glad you weren't some slobbering, manky whore who wanted to shag Paul then and there at Ming's and then get his autograph. You are a very decent woman and I'm glad you're here with us."

"Thanks, Ringo," Amy said.

Paul looked at Jane.

"Love, you have something to say?" he said.

"I have told you all a thousand times thank you for rescuing Paul and I'm also glad you came into our lives. It's not often you meet such selfless, courageous people and I'm just dead chuffed that you chose not only to save Paul's life but to stay friends and stay in our lives. You're all just wonderful and I'm glad they're doing this and welcoming you as one of them and William, you know how I feel about you, love and I'm glad that Paul is thinking of you as a twin brother because you deserve it after all you've been through."

"Thank you," William said as she came forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

She kissed and hugged the others before stepping back and taking Paul's hand. Roger walked up to the group.

"Just wanna say that if you wanna leave these gits and join us, you can. We're nicer, cleaner and wittier and we have chocolate chip biscuits!," he said before he ran back to the door.

"Don't listen to Roger, he's barmy," John said. "Okay, lads and Jane, let's finish off this ceremony by joining hands and coming close to our new members, press in and surround them with our love. All in, lads! Now!"

Everyone inside the circle smiled when everyone rushed forward and tightened up. They glanced at each other.

"We love you, yeah, yeah, yeah," Paul said.

The others giggled and joined in a chorus of we love you, yeah, yeah, yeah while everyone inside the circle chuckled. When they finished John pointed at Amy.

"Well, I'd rather see ya dead, little girl, than to be with another man!" he sang to her. "Oh wait…you are with another man, damn, I can't make that threat then," he added while everyone laughed. "Anyway, I believe that's it, lads. The members within the circle of love are now Beatles. Everyone say oooooooom!"

"Ooooooom!" they all said as they stepped back and let go.

"Wow, that was pointless," Roger said.

"Shut up, Daltry," John said. "Nothing we do is pointless unlike My Generation, now that's pointless."

"Like I said," Roger said to the Doctor and the others, "wanna join The Who, we'll welcome ya!"

"Not William, he's mine now!" Paul said, going to him and throwing his arms around him before he let out a maniacal laugh. "You can't have my twin, he was made for me and only me!" he added before he let out another maniacal laugh.

"Okay, Paulie's gone insane but the rest of us are sane and awaiting your orders," John said.

"Well, before I do anything, I want to put up barriers in your minds like I did for Paul and William just in case Zak turns on us," the Doctor said. "And then we're going to interrogate him and see if he actually wants to help us. And Paul, everyone's on board except your family and William, yours as well."

"I need to ring my dad and talk to him first. I have to admit that he knows nothing of this," Paul said. "I was hesitant to tell him about the attempt on my life because I didn't want to worry him and he doesn't know about William either, at least he doesn't know how he really came into my life so I better ring him while you interrogate Zak."

"And I don't wanna contact my family, they're safe enough in Scotland," William said.

The Doctor nodded.

"Very well then, my fellow Beatles," he said as everyone laughed, "let's get to work then!"

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