HOW I MET YOUR FATHER
Kids, a week after I first met your Uncle Jack was hell. After all I had just fallen head over heels, made a prat of myself, and now was living the humiliating aftermath while he was out of town, and likely to have met some other gorgeous girl. So I may have lost it a little. Okay! Okay! A lot. I lost it a lot but I blame your Aunt River. As you remember your Aunt River was being funded through Uni by a very rich and wealthy benefactor in return she was sent on trips to examine archaeological finds. Therefore she was gone for that week. Yep. Abandoned me for an exotic dig, left me to stew in my embarrassment, dumped me with the loved up couple….God it was no wonder I turned a little nutty by the end of that week. Amy and Rory were sat at their dining table. It was a nice old, second-hand one, that took Rory's back out carrying it up the stairs when they first moved in, and was painted to look like the planet Earth by a very bored Amy and Rose back when they were still unemployed. Amy was grudgingly marking essays while occasionally brushing her foot against Rory's lovely calf, and Rory was doing his best to ignore his fiancée's seduction in order to finish his evaluation paper. Something he had to hand in on Monday, and still hadn't started it. Partly because he's a young male who has more interesting things to do (like play games, drink beer, and count the hair on his chest. Anything but the work really…), and partly because he had a gorgeous fiancée who wanted to have sex, and also because he had to work, comfort his annoying best friend, and keep tabs on River. "Amy," he said warningly, "I have to get this done by Monday. The sooner I do it the sooner I can spend time with you." "I don't know what you mean," Amy said innocently. The smile on her face though was so filthy and smug that Rory was not fooled at all. "I'm just thinking of my new ring. My lovely new ring." Despite trying to work, and be boring, and all grown up, Rory couldn't help but grin stupidly at that. Amy was going to be his wife. Soon Amelia Pond will be Amy Williams, he couldn't wait! "In fact my ring is so special it doesn't feel right to wear anything else," Amy continued sweetly, "not my skirt, not my top, not my underwear, not even my shoes, it feels so wrong to wear anything but this ring. I think I should go naked." Rory stilled and Amy caught his eye, and sent him a predatory grin. "Just wearing nothing but this ring." She purred. "Absolutely nothing." "Guys," Rose said, completely bored (she was far too used to this for her own good), behind her magazine from the sofa, "I am still here." "Oops," Amy said innocently as Rory flushed a bright pink. You would have thought with all the times Rose caught them in far worse situations he would be used to this. "Sorry Rose." Thankfully for Rose her phone went off giving her something to do other than listen to her best friend seduce her other best friend. Yep, she was definitely in need of a life. "Hello?" she said as she answered her phone. "Rose," Jack's beautiful deep voice boomed in her ear, "it's me, Jack." "Jack!" Oh God, she sounded far too eager and shrill. She was so gonna put him off if she keeps acting like this. "Hi, what can I do for you?" "Well," Jack purred delightfully, "I have literally just got back in town. I have to brief my boss, and then I'm home free. So I was wondering what my favourite blonde was up to." "Nothing much," Rose shrugged casually. She and Amy had discussed it before, and agreed Rose needed to be less eager and more sophisticated, calm, and very cool. Therefore Rose had agreed to dial down the crazy when she spoke to Jack (can't have the L word slipping through her lips again) and for the first couple times he phones, play hard to get. "Just having a party." "What sort of party?" "Just your normal, run of the mill, house party," Rose spoke with the very definition of calmness but if Jack had been in the room he would have seen her bounce excitedly on the sofa. He phoned me, he phoned me, he phoned me, she sang happily on the inside. "Because why not?" Jack chuckled. "Why not indeed," he agreed, "Would you mind terribly if I joined in? I could use some fun after the week I had." "Sure," Rose shrugged. YES! YES! YES! Was what she really meant. "Party starts at nine. Bring booze." "Will do," Jack promised. And after that they said their goodbyes, and Rose hung up with a shrill excited scream. "Did you guys…." She trailed off as she realised that during her phone call Amy and Rory had sneaked off into their bedroom and were very likely doing the naughty. "OI!" she yelled at the bedroom door. "When you're done get dressed and ready. We're having a party!" A suspicious thump from the other side told Rose that Rory had very likely fallen out of the bed. (It was always Rory, he gets startled far too easily.) DWDWDWDWDWDW He didn't show. Any other day Rose would probably be incredibly upset but her head hurt too much from all the alcohol she drank to drown her sorrows last night. "Urgh," she moaned pitifully as she buried her face into Rory's chest. Amy was doing the same on the other side, and yes she was moaning just as pathetically. "Never drinking again." "You always say that," Rory mumbled grouchily, he didn't get a single bit of work done last night because he got too caught up with the party. Rose pointed out that he couldn't be mad with her, he could have easily put headphones on and not join in the drinking games, or danced with Amy, or….well danced with Amy, especially on Rose's roof that she had planned to take Jack up in hopes he would make the move on her, but you know men, they never listen to logic. "But you always end up drinking again." As if to punish them for having too much fun last night Rose's phone went off. The three of them groaned in agony as Rose fumbled to turn the flipping thing off! "Hello?" she moaned, she may just be sick soon, "Who is this?" and will you fuck off before I consider sawing your head into two just so you know how I feel right now? She thought darkly. "It me, Jack." "Jack!" Rose's entire demeanour changed as she squealed loudly. She hadn't expect him to phone her so soon. Amy and Rory groaned and they both shot Rose a deadly look. And yes, Amy's look was far more terrifying than Rory's, while Rory just looked like a puppy attempting to be menacing. If Rose wasn't hung over she would have told him so. "I am so sorry," Jack apologised, "I had gotten so caught up at work that I didn't even leave till ten, and then by that time I was just too tired to do more than throw myself into bed." "That's all right," Rose said happily, he hadn't stood her up! He does still want to see her again! She can fix this and see him tonight without looking like a total nutter. "Last night was just the first half. That's right! Its two nighter party!" Okay she was still going to come out looking like a total nutter. "Wow," Jack said impressed, "you really know how to party." "You bet I do!" If looks could kill Amy would be arrested for Rose's murder….and Rory would simply be charged for assault because seriously Rory couldn't look menacing to save his life. DWDWDWDWDWDW He didn't show. Again. And now Rose had double the hangover, felt double the exhaustion, and was certainly feeling more stir crazy than ever before. Why didn't Jack show up? Did he think she was a saddo with no life? Was he really not that interested in her? Was she so sad and pathetic that she was going to die alone, or worse with River telling her about her latest exploits? Was she going mad? Very probably. It was a shame because it had been such a good party as well. River was so going to kill them for having two awesome parties without her. Rose wondered if she should write her last will and testament now or when the headache has disappeared enough for her to think properly. "Now then," Rory said with an unexpected commanding tone, "we had our fun. Two brilliant parties but it's time to get back to real life. Now repeat after me, I will not have sex with Rory Williams." "I will not have sex with Rory Williams," Amy and Rose repeated dully. Much to Rose's irritation Rory and Amy had taken her roof again last night….not that it really mattered since Jack didn't show up….again. "I will not have another-" Unfortunately for Rory, Rose's phone interrupted him, and the eager blonde girl jumped up and snatched it up. "Hello?" she trilled as she ignored Rory's warning glare. "Jack! Excellent, where were you last night you missed an epic party." "Sorry," Jack said sheepishly. "I was about to go but my mate Owen, horrible twat he is, came banging on my door and bemoaning about how he pissed off his girlfriend this time. I had to sit there hours on end listening to him whine like a child. Trust me, I would much rather have been at your party." "Your wish is my command," Rose joked, appallingly she will admit, "it doesn't matter that you missed last night's party because we're having another party tonight!" Rory leaped up and charged to tackle Rose, who stepped out of his way elegantly causing him to crash into the table, Amy watched the whole affair with an odd mixture of amusement and arousal. God Rory looked so hot, in her opinion. "That's right it's a three nighter because that's just how we roll," she lied cheerfully. "Awesome." "Yep!" Rose chimed as she jumped onto the sofa, deftly avoiding Rory's attempt to throttle her. "So see you tonight?" "Definitely," Jack promised. "Bye for now." She hung up and met Amy's incredibly unimpressed raised eyebrow. "What happened to playing it calm and sophisticated?" Amy asked. "Went right out of the window," Rose admitted sheepishly, "I'll get more booze….and snacks." She then ran out of the flat altogether with a furious Rory chasing after her. Fortunately for her, and unfortunately for Rory, the police had spotted him shouting threats….and well, let's just say Rory got absolutely not work done that afternoon as Rose bailed him out (but not until after she knew he had calmed down…and she brought the stuff for the party). DWDWDWDWDWDW Rory was losing his temper. It was bad enough Rose threw two parties, worse so when he got arrested for things he didn't even want to think about let alone commit, but this third party really took the biscuit. It was too noisy, irritating, Amy was far too close to some random bloke Rose had invited, and now some other dick spilled coke all over his evaluation form! "THAT'S IT!" he roared. "No more of this nonsense! You get rid of these people right now Rose Marion Tyler! there is no point in them being there, Jack isn't going to show, he didn't show on Friday night, he didn't show last night, what makes you think he's going to show tonight? Give it up Rose, you're not going to make him fall head over heels in love with you by throwing three fucking parties one after another." Rose stared at him wide eyed but not in fear or sadness like she usually would when got angry like this. There was going to be no tearful apologies this time. She bit her lip, her cheeks were flushed pink, and her eyes darted to behind him. He turned and groaned in humiliation. Jack Harkness had been standing behind him the whole time! "You threw three parties for me?" Jack questioned. "NO!" Rose immediately denied but her voice and blush totally gave her away. "I threw three parties to get you to see my roof." "Is that some Brit metaphor for something? 'Cause I don't get it." "No seriously, let me show you," Rose said quickly as she grabbed Jack's hand and all but yanked him into the direction of the fire escape. "Best view of London," she promised as she stepped out. There is an awkward moment before the music resumes and the rest of the party carried on as if Rory had never spoken. Apart from Amy, she stood before him with a beer in her hand, "you should take a break," she said in her don't argue with me tone. "Yeah," Rory mumbled shyly. He was still embarrassed about humiliating Rose. "And apologise to Rose later." "I will," he promised. "Now have a drink with me," Amy handed him the beer with a sweet smile and a light kiss on the corner of his mouth, "you stupid face." The evaluation got forgotten once more. DWDWDWDWDW Jack whistled in appreciation of the view Rose's roof had to offer. It was, of course, one of the best views of London he had ever seen. Even had Canary Wharf not so far in the distance. It was beautifully lit up as well and from the corner of his eye he could see Rose glowing under the street lights, and she looked equally beautiful, and he knew. He knew as clear as day that Rory had not been lying at all. "Great isn't it?" Rose said cheerfully. "I knew you would love it. Nothing beats good ol' London Town." "Rose," Jack said softly, it was that tone used whenever someone was about to let someone down. "I don't want kids." Rose blinked at him. "Who said anything about kids?" she asked. "I'm talking about London, and good views, and nothing about that kind of thing." She nervously bit her lip. "I don't want kids either." "Don't lie," Jack said gently, "you do. You know you do. Maybe not straight away but you want it one day. You want that sort of love now. You're looking for the man that will sweep you off your feet but commit entirely to you. You want to be married. And I can't do that." "You could," Rose argued. "I could," Jack agreed, "but I don't want to. I don't want the domestic life Rose. Marriage, babies, and all that rot? They're not my thing, and I don't want you to make me unhappy." "I can't turn it off Jack," Rose said sadly. "I know, sweetheart," Jack pulled her into a warm, lovin embrace, "but we can be friends. I just know it." "Really finding it hard to be friends," Rose confessed as she leaned into him, "especially when you smell so good." Jack laughed and pulled away. He suggested they go back, and Rose finally being able to see a lost cause when she sees one, agreed. They came back in to find most of the party was gone, it was only half nine at night, and with a sheepish smile, Rory ended up suggesting they all go down to Galifrey's. DWDWDWDWDWDW Rose stood side by side with Jack at the bar as they waited for Chris to serve them their drinks. It was their second one, Rory and Amy were snuggled up in their booth having brought the first round, and Rose was stuck wondering what will happen to her and Jack now. "I don't know if we can just be friends!" she blurted out. "I really, really, like you, and…well…you know. I'm an idiot like that." "Oh Rose," Jack said fondly, "you're not an idiot at all, we no more than the rest of us, and we'll deal with it." He grinned fully now, his teeth all shiny and white that they almost blinded her. "But don't worry Rosie, we'll be the best of friends, and you'll forget all about me because I will find you your true love!" "Really," Rose smiled, "and how do you propose to do that?" Jack smirked and then suddenly tapped the guy next to him on the shoulder, "Hi," he said in his most friendly fashion, "have you met Rose?" he then stepped aside for Rose to meet the all right looking bloke. She wasn't really paying attention to the poor thing though. Her head was still full of Jack, and as the bloke asked for her a number another voice piped up (rescuing Rose as always), "Hello sweetie," River purred, "did you miss me?" "River!" Grateful to see her wild spirited friend (and surprisingly, she had missed her greatly but don't tell River! She'll just get a big head), Rose threw her arms round the trainee archaeologist's neck. "I take that as a yes," she smirked as she pulled away, and then eyed the poor bloke critically, "surely you can do better than that. What happened to the American from last week?" "He's over there with Amy and Rory," Rose nudged a shoulder in the direction of their booth. "So how have you been? Found anything good? Where were you exactly?" "Spoilers," River teased, "but if you buy me a drink I'll tell all." As they waited for River's drink, the poor bloke long gone muttering about lesbians the prick he was, Rose spilled everything from the last few days much to River's exasperation. "Honestly sweetie," she tutted, "have I taught you nothing? You got to treat them mean to keep them keen." "Says the one who isn't in any sort of relationship." River ignored Rose's logic in favour of spilling more of her so called pearls of wisdom. She did so the entire way back to their booth until she was interrupted by an ecstatic Amy and Rory who greeted her warmly. "So I hear Rose ruined all chances of you doing your evaluation," River said amused to Rory. "Yeah," Rory shrugged, "but it'll be all right because I'll finish this drink, have one more, and then do it all tonight, and it will be brilliant. I'll pass with flying colours. You'll see." He barely passed. But he did pass, and you got to give him credit that he managed it in one night. No! You cannot take the moral of the story being that you can work last minute and do well. The moral was that I was a complete nutter. What do you mean nothing has changed?! Cheek!
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