Chapter Six

After dropping Jackie back off at her flat and spending a half hour of time with her, the Doctor and Rose left and headed back into the vortex. Both of them went through the machine and regained their normal appearances. Rose went back to her bedroom, stripped off the leather outfit and put on jeans and a t-shirt. She sat down on her bed and brushed her hair out. As she was doing that, the Doctor entered the room, a glum look on his face.

"What's wrong?" Rose said.

"I failed in my mission. I didn't get the porn book out of Jackie Tyler's hands. She may still become the Sexbot."

Rose giggled.

"No, you're wanting it so you can read it, you porn freak," she said.

"I never!"

"Oh right, like they didn't have porn on Gallifrey," Rose said, rolling her eyes.

"You're right; they didn't have porn on Gallifrey. We were porn free," the Doctor said, sitting down beside her.

"So how did people become randy then?"

"They didn't. We were a randy free society as well. No porn, no randiness. It was all cerebral," he said, tapping his temple.

"How did you procreate then?" Rose said as she brushed her hair.

"We had one day in the Gallifreyan year where we went out completely starkers. We purposely bumped into one another and procreated before walking on."

"Yeah, right, Doctor," Rose said.

"We did. Course I was shy, never participated in Gallifreyan Starker Fuck Day."

Rose giggled at that.

"Seriously, that's what it was called," he said as she laughed harder.

"So what were you then? A monk?" Rose said.

"No, I'm a Time Lord. One of the higher species. I do not think of procreating."

Rose paused in her brushing when the Doctor yawned, stretched his arms and then put his left hand on her right breast and left it there.

"Yup," the Doctor said, keeping his hand on her breast. "I don't have any interest in the female anatomy, at all."

"Then what's this?" Rose said.

"What's what?" the Doctor said, turning his head.

Rose laughed when his eyes bulged and he jerked his hand away from her breast.

"Oh my God, how did that get there? I thought it was part of the lumpy eiderdown. I'm terribly sorry," he said to her while she giggled. "That was something the lower species would do, not little old me. Anyway," he said, looking away while putting his hand back on her breast. "As I was saying, porn was unknown on Gallifrey. And so was immodesty. Except for that one day of the year, we never touched any body part of the opposite sex, it just wasn't done."

"Then what are you doing now?" Rose teased.

"I'm talking to you and…oh blimey," the Doctor said, turning his head and jerking his hand away. "I'm so sorry, I really can't tell the difference between your breasts and the eiderdown…apparently. But as I was saying," the Doctor said, looking away and putting his hand back on her breasts. "Touching others was a big no-no on my planet."

"So you want me to get naked, is that what you're trying to get across?" Rose said.

"Get you naked? No, I'm talking to you and….damn it, I did it again!" he said, taking his hand off her breast. "I'm completely embarrassed; my hand seems to have a mind of its own. Perhaps I should tie it up behind my back."

Rose and the Doctor gazed at one another before Rose began giggling uncontrollably.

"What? What's wrong?" the Doctor said, amused.

"You're randy, very randy," Rose purred as she scooted closer to him.

"Never. I'm the very model of…unrandiness," the Doctor said as Rose batted her eyelashes at him. "Excuse me, do you have something in your eye, your eyelids are moving rapidly."

"Trying to make you randy," Rose purred.

"Well, it won't work. I'm the very model of uninterested male…unrandiness," he said while she giggled.

"So why are you so concerned about me and mum reading the books then?" Rose said.

"Because I know firsthand what porn can do," the Doctor said.

"Oh really? And what can porn do?" Rose purred seductively.

"Well, you see, once upon a time I was ignorant of such things," the Doctor said. "As I said, Gallifrey was a thinking person's paradise with no carnal knowledge of any kind. Just that one day where the entire day went like "Oh! Terribly sorry, I seemed to have deposited my sperm in your vagina. Jolly good, well, good luck with the pregnancy, cheers!" sort of thing. And then I discovered Earth and suddenly sex bombarded me from every nook and cranny. Being an eager student of Earth and its environs, I decided to study the ape's fascination with nookie. And now here I am, helplessly enslaved by all the sex around here."

"So the hand on my breast was no accident?" Rose said.

"Yes, it was an accident. I told you, my hand has a mind of its own."

"Uh-huh, sure it does," Rose said.

"Well, I will go now before I do something I might regret," the Doctor said, rising from the bed. "Once people start discussing porn, I start acting funny and I can't be responsible for my actions. So you be good and stay away from those nasty porn books and I'll go do something asexual."

"See ya," Rose said.

She giggled when the Doctor smacked his hand as he left the room.

"Gotta love him," she murmured to herself as she lay back in her bed.

Back                         Home                              Doctor Who Main Page                          Next

Your Name or Alias:      Your E-mail (optional):

Please type your review below. Only positive reviews and constructive criticism will be posted.