Chapter Eleven

"Ah, there he is!" the Doctor said as he and Rose stepped out of the TARDIS.

"Go back inside, Doctor," Jackie said, standing up. "Mickey told me you and Rose were behaving like children and I won't have your childish behavior out here!"

"Nonsense, we're past that now," the Doctor said. "I thought I'd regale you with a recent adventure that Rose and I had."

Jackie gave him a wary look as he and Rose plopped down on the sofa beside her.

"Come on, Jackie, don't you want to hear about what Rose has been up to lately?" the Doctor said to her.

"Alright but act like mature adults while you're telling us," Jackie said.

"Okey-dokey," the Doctor said. "It was a couple of days ago that Rose was put into a perilous situation. We were visiting the planet Confectionary when Rose was kidnapped by the Candy People and was sentenced to death because she wasn't a candy person."

Rose gave him an odd look. The Doctor gave her a pointed look in return, the kind that said, "Work with me here!" Rose's eyes widened in sudden realization and she looked at Jackie.

"Yeah, those Candy People were evil," she said to her mother. "They wanted to kill me."

"Yes, they did," the Doctor said, pleased that Rose was going along with him and his joke story. "They sentenced her to be made into a bon bon."

"What?" Jackie said.

"Oh, they suspended her by her wrists over a huge vat of chocolate and she was going to be lowered into it and made into a human bon bon," the Doctor said casually.

Rose fought to keep a straight face while Jackie and Mickey stared at the Doctor in disbelief.

"Naturally, I came to her aid," the Doctor said. "But picture it, Jackie and Mickey, dear little Rose suspended over a vat of chocolate, seconds from being lowered to her death…


"Help!" Rose yelled as she dangled over the enormous vat of bubbling chocolate. "Will no one help me?"

Standing around the vat were brown skinned aliens. They all had a shiny texture to their skin and resembled chocolate covered people. They were all naked except for one man who was dressed in a white robe.

"Rose Tyler, for the crime of being non-chocolate, you will be dunked into this vat of chocolate and become like us!" the robed man said in a sonorous voice.

"No, I don't want to be a bon bon!" Rose wailed.


Rose bit her lip while her mother and Mickey stared at the Doctor. The Doctor had been telling them the story and she could tell her mother and former boyfriend weren't buying a word of it.

"So these things were gonna dunk Rose in chocolate," Mickey finally said.

"Yup. Poor lamb would have been a bon bon if it hadn't been for me," the Doctor said.

"And what planet was this on?" Mickey said.

"Confectionary," the Doctor said.

"Never heard of it," Jackie said.

"And do you know the name of every planet in the universe, Jackie?" the Doctor countered.

"No. But I'm sure there isn't one called Confectionary," Jackie retorted. "And I'm sure there isn't a planet of chocolate people who turn non-chocolate people into bon bons."

"Rose, did you or did you not suffer this fate recently?" the Doctor said.

"I did, honestly," Rose said, nodding.

"And where was he while this was going on?" Mickey said, pointing to the Doctor.

"Um…no idea," Rose said. "I was over a vat of chocolate at the time."

"I was in the loo," the Doctor said. "I had constipation that morning and Rose wandered off as she usually does and got snatched before I could finish my evacuation. I realized she was in trouble after I went outside the TARDIS to search for her. That's where I was while that was going on."

"So what did you do when you found my daughter over a vat of chocolate?" Jackie said.

"Well…" the Doctor said, easing back into his story.


"Stop!" the Doctor said to the chocolate people. "This is madness. She is not a bon bon. She's my bestest mate and you can't kill her!"

"And how will you stop us?" the robed alien said to him.

The Doctor reached into his trouser pocket and the chocolate aliens watched in amazement as he pulled a huge wooden ladder out of it.


"You have a ladder in your trouser pocket?" Jackie said.

"Mm-hmm," the Doctor said, patting his pocket. "My pockets are bigger on the inside."

"Show us the ladder then!" Jackie said.

"Um…I can't. I put it in there when I realized I would need it for Rose. I took it out afterwards."

"Uh-huh," Jackie said while Rose tried desperately not to laugh.

"I do have some jelly babies in a sack in my pocket. Would you like one?" the Doctor said to her.

"No," Jackie said.

The Doctor shrugged.

"Anyway, I finished pulling out the twenty foot ladder and…"


The stunned aliens watched while the Doctor put the end of the ladder against the vat and ran up it. He then pushed a button on his left trainer and floated up to Rose. He then pulled out a knife, cut her free from the ropes and gathered her in his arms as he floated away towards the TARDIS.


"And you can float in mid-air," Jackie said while Rose finally giggled.

"I have levitating shoes, I used them on occasion," the Doctor said.

"Show us," Jackie said.

"I'm not wearing them at the moment. They're very valuable so I only wear them when necessary."

"And you left the ladder there? I thought you said you put it away," Mickey said.

"No, I said I took it out of my pocket and I did. I didn't say I took it with me when we got back to the TARDIS. That's why I can't show it to you now."

"Balls, Doctor," Jackie said while Rose laughed. "You're making this shite up off the top of your head."

"No, I swear it happened," the Doctor said, crossing his hearts.

"Then why is Rose laughing?" Mickey said, pointing to her.

"Because she has a laughing disease that I can't find a cure for," the Doctor said, shrugging while Rose giggled. "Poor lamb, if it's not one thing, it's another. If she's not being made into a bon bon, she's giddy with laughter."

"Doctor," Jackie said.

"Hmm?" the Doctor said.

"Go back in your TARDIS and leave us alone," Jackie said.

"I don't understand, I was only regaling you with our most recent adventure, what's wrong with that?" the Doctor said innocently.

"Piss off," Jackie said, pointing to his TARDIS.

"Come along, Doctor, I think we worn out our welcome here," Rose said, standing up.

"Fine," the Doctor said, standing up. "I was going to tell you about the time Rose was turned into an alligator woman and nearly landed up as a belt but since you have no interest, we'll be on our way."

Jackie rolled her eyes as Rose kissed her cheek. She bid her and Mickey goodbye before she followed the Doctor into the TARDIS.

"Why that man has been able to avoid being sectioned is beyond me," Jackie said to Mickey while the TARDIS started up and slowly dematerialized.

Back                         Home                              Doctor Who Main Page                          Next

Your Name or Alias:      Your E-mail (optional):

Please type your review below. Only positive reviews and constructive criticism will be posted.