OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED RORY, YOU BASTARD!

Warning: This chapter has spoilers for episode one of Torchwood: Miracle Day.

Chapter Eleven

BBC Announcer: You just watched Strictly Come Dancing. Later on BBC 1, trouble erupts in the Big Brother house when Brittany becomes enraged at Ian for mocking Twilight and shoves a tampon down his throat. Will the housemates rally behind team Brittany or team Ian or maybe they'll all choose team Jacob. All that later on but first here is a preview for the next episode of Torchwood: Miracle Day.

On the next episode of Torchwood: Miracle Day. The Torchwood Team gain a new member as they try to figure out why no one on Earth is dying.

"Everyone," Jack said to Gwen, Rex and Esther. "I'd like you to meet the latest member of the team. His name is Rory Williams. Rory?"

Rory steps into the room and looks at his teammates.

"Wait, how'd I get here?" Rory said. "I thought I was on the TARDIS."

"You were but the Doctor wanted to have hot monkey sex with your wife so he sent you here," Jack said.

Rory stared at him, wondering if he was being serious or not but before he could ask, Jack slapped his hands together.

"Right, since you've been on the TARDIS, you probably don't know what's going on. We're investigating a strange phenomenon. No one on Earth is dying and we need to find out why."

"Wait, what'd ya mean no one on Earth is dying?" Rory said.

"I mean no one can die. No matter what happens, death is impossible," Jack said.

"So…it's physically impossible for me to die then?" Rory said.

"Yeah," Jack said.

Rory stared at him for a moment and then a huge grin slowly spread over his face. The Torchwood team were shocked when Rory let out a loud "YIPPEE!" and pumped his fist in the air. Then to their amazement, Rory began to praise God while dancing around the room, finally ending up with a big booty shake while he chanted, "I can't die, I can't die, I can't die!" over and over.

"Wait," Jack finally said. "You can't die but that's not a good thing because you can still get injured or even fatally wounded and still keep on living."

Rory stopped the booty shaking.

"Wait…so if I get shot in the head, I have a bullet lodged in my brain and I keep on living."

"Yeah," Jack said.

"So…if I get a stake through my heart…"

"It hurts like hell," Rex said. "I'm recovering from steel rods going through my body."

"So, I won't heal instantly?" Rory said with a twinge of anxiety.

"Nope. I saw a man blow himself up and he was basically a living charred corpse and then…he severed his head from his body and he still lived and…"

Jack trailed off when he saw how pale Rory's face was.

"And you want me to help you do dangerous stuff that could get me seriously maimed or injured, right?" Rory said.

"Yup, until the Doctor stops humping your wife, you're stuck with us," Jack said with a shrug.

Rory stared at him in horror. Then he raised his eyes skyward, thrust his hands to the sky and yelled out several curse words that are inappropriate even for the Torchwood TV Show. Rory kept on cursing and ranting and raving until he was cut off by the BBC Announcer.

"And that was a preview of next week's Torchwood: Miracle Day. Up next, it's Doctor Who and the Doctor, Amy and Rory have their hands full trying to figure out who two strange woman are. Doctor Who on BBC 1 is starting right now…

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