PARENTHOOD
Chapter Five "And lift..." "And release..." "And lift..." "And release..." Rose came out of the kitchen. "Will you stop that? It's annoying!" Alan looked up at her. He was lying on the floor on his stomach in front of his son, Christopher. His son was on a blue blanket on his stomach trying to raise himself up in order to look around. Alan, who had been observing him from the sofa, decided that he would get down on the floor and exercise with him as he rose up and down. "I'm helping him," Alan said. "Our son is trying to lift his body and I'm giving him encouragement. Okay, Chris, lift and releeeeeease!" His three month old son grinned at him which warmed his hearts. Even though he had brought up his daughter Angel from infancy, this was his first son, his son that was his and his alone. No more having to be content with just shared memories of Dex, no for the first time, he finally had a baby boy to call his own. He grinned when his son tried to lift his body again. Imitating him, he thrust his arms out and lift up the upper half of his body while his son giggled and cooed at him. "And lift," he said while Rose rolled her eyes and smiled fondly at him. "Come on and get up off the floor. The Doctor and Rain want us to come over for dinner tonight," Rose said. "And releeeeeas-ah! Oh alright, if we must," Alan said. "Come along, my son, we must get ready and go to dinner with the boring Doctor family." He got up and picked his son up off the floor. Rose smiled as Alan held him close and stared down at him with love in his eyes. "Look at him, Starlight, isn't he gorgeous. We finally have one we made ourselves." Rose smiled and came up beside him. She put her hand on her son's head and kissed his cheek. "Our little baby boy," she said softly. "Our little miracle." Alan raised his eyebrow. "Seems our little miracle has a glob of snot coming out of his left nostril now. Nothing like a glob of snot to kill a lovely mother, father and son interlude. Well, come on, Snotty Face, let's get ya cleaned up so we can listen to the old geezer boast about how his three kids are better than you." Rose grinned and patted him on the back while Alan held his son close and walked towards the bathroom. "Ah, welcome, welcome," the Doctor said as he opened the door and let Alan, Rose and Christopher inside. "Tara is here with us tonight. We thought we'd have a nice dinner and then perhaps a few rounds of poker." "Sounds lovely, is Rainy Painy gonna flip out her boobies and feed the nipper kippers in front of us as part of the entertainment?" Alan asked. "No!" Rain said from the kitchen. "Bollocks, was hoping that would encourage Rose to do the same," Alan said as he walked past the Doctor with Christopher in his arms. The Doctor looked at Rose. "How d'ya do it?" he asked her. "Do what?" "Stay sane after all these years of livin' with him?" "Who says I'm sane?" Rose said, shrugging. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and went to the kitchen to greet Rain while the Doctor closed the door. Alan flopped down on the sofa with Christopher in his arms and gave him a smug grin as he walked towards him. "Guess what, old timer?" Alan said. "My son, who I am very proud of, can raise half his body without help." "So, my children have done that already and now they're starting to sit up without help, so nah!" the Doctor replied. "I'm willing to bet they'll be walking and talking long before your rug rat will." "Oh, is that so? How much are you willing to wager?" The Doctor stepped back when Alan jumped up and got in his face. "Are you willing to wager...YOUR VERY LIFE, OLD MAN?" he yelled at him. There was a short burst of silence as the two men stared at one another. Even the children were quiet. Finally, they heard Tara in the kitchen saying, "Okay, Mum, is Alan drunk or something?" and that was enough to start the two brothers laughing hysterically. "Yes," the Doctor said between giggles, "I want to wager my very life." "Okay, Chris, you hear that? Start walking and talking, I want my brother's hearts on a skewer," Alan said to his son who was looking up at them with a bewildered expression on his face. "And don't look at us like that, we're not insane, are we, Brother?" "Um...weeeeell, maybe just a tad." "Okay," Alan said to Chris, "we're a tad insane but it's nothing to worry about so don't be scared." Rain leaned out of the kitchen. "No, Chris, be scared, be very, very scared," she said. After eating pot roast and mashed potatoes, the two couples sat down at a card table to play poker while Tara watched TV and kept an eye on the children as they rested in a playpen. They had played a couple of rounds using British money for their bets. So far the Doctor was winning and with each passing second Alan was becoming more and more irritated as his cash dwindled. "Better gjve up while you still have some money and your dignity left," the Doctor said to his brother. "Give up? Nevah!" Alan said while Rose and Rain exchanged glances from across the table. The Doctor shrugged. "Very well, Brother, I see I shall have to teach you a lesson then," the Doctor said as he shuffled the cards and dealt them out. Everyone looked at their cards. While they were thinking, Rose glanced at Alan who was pulling exaggerated looks of pain and misery. "What are you doin' now?" Rose said to him. Alan gave her a haughty look. "I'm psyching you out. I'm pretending to have a really lousy hand so you'll bet more before I win. It's a strategy I thought up all by my lonesome." "Well, Mister Lonesome, think up another strategy because it's not working," Rain said. Alan sniffed and went back to looking at his cards while Rain rolled her eyes and sighed. While they began to place their bets, Alan suddenly began to mutter to himself. The Doctor snickered as Rain shot him an odd look. "Now what are you doing?" Rain asked him. "Mum mum mum mah p-p-p-p-poker face," Alan sang. "Geez," Rain muttered, shaking her head. She gasped when Alan suddenly began to sing loudly and bop around in his seat. "CAN'T READ MY, CAN'T READ MY, NO THEY CAN'T READ MY POKER FAAACE. HE'S GOT TO LOVE SOMEBODY!" "Hey! Lady Gaga, place your bet and stop singing, no one wants to hear you mangling songs!" Rain yelled at him while the Doctor and Rose snickered. Alan looked at her and pointed at his face. "Mum mum mum mah p-p-p-p-poker faaa-ace!" he sang to her as he pointed repeatedly at his face. "P-p-p-p-place, place your bet," Rain sang back as Rose chortled. "Oh oh-whoa-whoa-whoa, oh whoa-whoa-whoa, I'll get her hot, show her what I got," Alan sang while he pointed to Rain. "I'll show you what I got, a big frickin' fist and it'll crash right into your face if you don't shut up and play the game!" Rain said while the Doctor and Rose laughed. "Very well, my serenade is over...for now," Alan said, laying his cards down on the table. Alan glanced down at his cash and noticed he only had six pounds left. He glanced at the table and noticed the bet was for at least ten pounds. He glanced at the Doctor and noticed his smirk. "Problems, Brother?" the Doctor said innocently. "Not able to raise Rain's bet, is that why you look so glum?" Alan thought while Rain sighed and muttered, "Sit this hand out, for Christ's sake." Alan thought for a moment and then his eyes widened as he snapped his fingers. "Got it, I know what I can use for the bet," he said. "Oh, this oughta be good," Rain muttered as he got up from his chair. He walked over to the sofa, picked up his son and the blanket he was lying on and walked back to the table. "There we are," Alan said, laying him down on the blanket beside the money. "I see your tenner, Rainy, and raise you my son." "Get him off the table, Alan," Rose said as the Doctor howled with laughter. "You're not using our son as a poker bet." "Wait, let me get this straight," the Doctor said, holding up his hand. "I win this hand, I get your son?" "Yes, you do and..." "No, he doesn't!" Rose said, getting up and picking her son up. "Wait, that's my bet, you can't do that!" Alan said as Rose walked over and handed Chris back to Tara. "Anyway," Rose said, sitting back down in her chair. "Alan is out for this hand then?" "No, I'm not out. I refuse to be out. So therefore, if you won't let me bet my son, I'll bet you instead." "So if I win this hand, I get Rose as a wife?" the Doctor said. "Yes, you do and...OW!" Alan said as Rose smacked him on the back of the head. "Anyway..." Rose said, picking up her cards. "Anyway," Alan said in a snotty voice. His eyes widened when Rose raised her fist. Shaking his head, he walked over to the sofa, slumped down and sulked while Rose rolled her eyes. "Christ, big baby," Rose muttered as she took his cards and put them at the bottom of the deck. "Anyway, on with the game..." Alan looked at Tara who was rocking Namid in her arms. "Can you believe the nerve of that woman?" Alan said to her as he pointed to Rose. "Making me sit out this round when I still had things to bet!" "Addicted to gambling much?" Tara muttered as she kept her eyes on the TV. "I'm not a gambling addict!" Alan said as the Doctor and Rain laughed. "I just realize that there are more valuable things in this room than the money on the table. Him, for instance," he said, pointing to his son who was lying on the blanket beside him. "Look at him. He's gorgeous. He oughta be able to fetch at least fifty quid on the baby black market and here I am, possibly giving him for free to my brother." "No thanks, got one of my own now," the Doctor said as he laid his cards down on the table. "Two actually, if you wanna get technical." "That's right, rub it in," Alan said. "Gladly," the Doctor said as he scooted his winnings over in front of him. He held up his finger and cleared his throat. "Neener, neener, neener," he said calmly as the women laughed. "There, I just rubbed it in. Now...wanna try your luck again or are you out for good?" "No, I'm finished," Alan said. His mouth dropped open when the Doctor reached across for his last six quid. "You said you were finished and this money would have gone to me anyway," he said when Alan started to protest. "Fine!" Alan said as everyone laughed. "I'll just take your second-born son then. I'm sure he'll fetch at least one hundred quid on the baby black market!" "You do and your body parts will be fetching quid on the body parts black market," Rain said. Alan scooped up Chaska and walked past her. "Hand, talk to it," he said to her, holding up his hand as he breezed past. "And just where are you going with our son?" Rain asked him. "Out back to get some air...and no, I'm not gonna drown him in your swimming pool, so don't say it," Alan yelled back over his shoulder while everyone laughed. He opened the patio door and stepped outside in the slightly chilly night air of New Gallifrey. He wrapped the blanket tighter around Chaska's body and began to walk slowly around the perimeter of the pool while Chaska stared up at him quietly. "I wouldn't bet you, Chas, I was only pulling your leg," he said to Chaska as he walked. "I would be sad if you ended up on the baby black market. Besides, your father's a good bloke and I wouldn't do that to him either." He slowed his pace and looked at the moon's reflection in the pool water. He stopped and turned Chaska so he could see it. "Look, isn't that gorgeous? That's our moon," he said to Chaska while he stared quietly. "This is your home, Chas, it's a beee-eautiful place and I hope you love it as much as I do." He held him against his body and resumed his pace around the pool. While he did that, Chaska began to coo softly and Alan smiled at that. "You enjoyin' yourself, Chassy?" he said to him. "I hope you are. Too bad you probably won't remember this but there'll be more moments to come, beautiful, wonderful moments like this that we'll both enjoy." "Mind if I join your stroll?" Alan looked over and saw the Doctor at the patio door holding Christopher against him. "Oh-ho, finally tire of winning, did ya?" Alan teased as he walked past him. "Not at all, I enjoy winning and trashin' your arse," the Doctor said, walking over to his side. "It's just that I recognize a nice idea when I see it and a moonlit stroll around the swimming pool with our sons is a very nice idea. 'Sides, your misses and mine were nearly out of cash as well so I let them walk away with their dignity intact. Which is more than I can say for you, Lady Gaga." "I like Lady Gaga, she has catchy tunes," Alan said as they walked. The Doctor smiled down at Christopher who was staring up at him with wide eyes. "He's beautiful, Brother. He'll be a handsome man," the Doctor said as they slowly walked. "That he will. He'll be a real ladykiller and so will this little tyke. With that brown skin, the ladies will be all over him." "Yes, I love that he inherited the wife's pigment and Namid as well. Poor Soki though, I s'pose Rain only had enough pigment for two so Soki has to suffer with my pale pasty skin. But...she'll be beautiful nonetheless. Even though we suffered when we were Callum's prisoners, something beautiful came of it." "Are you ever going to tell them the truth?" Alan asked. "About what?" the Doctor said. "What happened the night you conceived them. How Callum forced you and Rain to have sex." The Doctor stared down at Christopher who was looking around in silent wonder while he thought about that. "I don't know, Alan," he finally said. "I don't know if we should. That whole mess a few months ago is too painful for me to think about, let alone talk about with my children. I'd rather they grew up thinking that they were conceived without us being forced into it and that we planned to have them all along. But...if we do decide to tell them, I'll wait until they're old enough to understand." "Well, in that case, Grampy-poo, better make it sooner than later." "You just like to rub it in how old I am, don't ya?" the Doctor said. "Yeah and you rub it in about my losing streak, Grampy-poo. By the time your kids are old enough to drive, you'll be an old age pensioner in the old folk's home." "Care to see just how weak and frail I really am, Junior?" the Doctor said, stopping. "Bring it on, Viagra Hustler; I'm not scared of you or your geriatric ass-kicking!" Alan said, stopping with him. "By the time you get your arthritic leg moving fast enough to plant it in my butt cheeks, I'll be in and out of the house with a cricket bat." The Doctor snorted. "Don't flatter yourself, Infant Alan, I can run circles around ya." "I know that. Because you're so senile, you have no sense of direction and you're too thick to stop to ask for help." "Oh...am I?" the Doctor said as Rain, Rose and Tara laughed and walked over to patio door to watch and listen. "Well at least I'm not bouncin' around the house like Tigger from Winnie the bloody Pooh while I sing Lady bleedin' Gaga songs at the top of me lungs." "You wouldn't know Lady Gaga from a hole in the ground, Gramps. Your musical tastes run more towards Cher since she's about as old as you are." "Oho, I'm gonna go find her and tell her you said that." "Go ahead, Methuselah, I'm not scared of her or you or any of your other OAP pals that you meet while you fly around in your equally old as you TARDIS. While you're off eating at...Bob Evans or some other restaurant that mainly serves the elderly and shittin' in your pants cause you're too thick to wear nappies, I'll be shaggin' Rose and making more of me and coverin' this entire planet with my spawn." "In that case, I'll be gettin' in my equally old as me TARDIS and haulin' ass away from here since once you populate New Gallifrey with your...spawn, as you put it, the entire planet will be shunned by the rest of the civilized universe because no one in their right minds will want to come and live among a bunch of bouncin', singin', hyperactive 24/7 fools!" "Least I can bounce and sing without suffering bodily injuries and hernias and arthritic attacks, Old Man." "Yeah?" "Yeah!" Alan shot back as they walked towards their wives. "You two done with the pissing contest or are you gonna start using your sons like sacks of doorknobs and hitting each other with them?" Rain said as Rose and Tara laughed. "Because if you're about to fight like infants, give us back the real infants so they won't grow up with brain damage." "Yes and I don't want you walkin' off with Chris so you can go bet him on the horses or something," Rose said, holding her hand out. Alan stared at the hand. "You want me to put him into your hand like a pound note or are you going to be carrying him properly since you lot are the one concerned about brain damage," Alan said while the Doctor sniggered. Rose reached out with both hands and took Chaska out of his hands. "Good, but that's the wrong..." Rose gave him a pointed look as she passed him to Rain. Then she walked over and took Chris away from the Doctor. "I was getting both of them away from the two of you," Rose said, cuddling Chris against her body. "Now you are both free to kick each other's arses all night long." "Nah, I'm bored...and hungry. Want more food now," Alan said, rubbing his stomach as he went passed her and walked inside. "Yeah, I want more of your delicious cookin', Rain," the Doctor said. "I'm no longer interested in kickin' Brother's arse." "That's because you couldn't get it high enough off the ground to reach me bum!" Alan said from inside the house. "You wanna bet, Infant Alan?" the Doctor said loudly as he went inside. Rain and Rose glanced at each other as they continued their taunts. "Sometimes, Sis, I wonder who are the real babies in this family," Rain said as Rose nodded in agreement.
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