PARENTHOOD
Chapter Ninety Three "I love the nightlife; I got to boogie, on the disco ro-HOUUUUUUUUUUUND, oh yeah!" Christopher giggled at his father while he fixed their breakfast. He was singing I Love the Nightlife and wiggling his butt while he was frying eggs. Occasionally, he used the spatula as a microphone and sang into it while Christopher laughed harder. Occasionally, Rose peeked in, rolled her eyes and grinned at her husband's antics. He finished with the eggs and put them and some bacon on a plate for Christopher. Then he poured some milk for him and sat the glass and plate down on the table beside a fork and knife as Christopher sat down. "Aren't you going to eat, Daddy?" Christopher asked Alan. "In a minimanutza, my son," Alan replied. "Ooooh, I got a full colon, I got to poopy, on the household bo-HOOOOOOOOG, oooo yeah!" Christopher giggled as Alan danced his way out of the kitchen while he continued to sing. Alan danced into the bathroom as he hummed to himself. He shut the door and used the toilet. After he was done, he walked over to the sink and opened a drawer underneath it. Hidden under one of Rose's Cosmos was a little yellow wooden ruler. He kept his trousers and pants down and held his penis in one hand while he put the ruler against it. He whistled cheerfully as he measured himself but the whistling died in his throat when he saw the results. His mouth dropped open and he held his penis firmly against the ruler but he got the same result as before. Unable to believe his eyes, he pulled up his underwear and trousers, put the ruler back under the Cosmo, washed his hands after closing the drawer and then opened the door. He casually strolled into the kitchen where Rose was seated with Christopher, eating breakfast with him. "Um, I'll be back. I need to go see the Doctor for a minute, I need to ask him something," he said to them. "Alan, it's early. They're probably eating breakfast right now like we are. Can't it wait?" Rose said. "Um...no, it can't. I need to ask him something." "So...use your telepathy and ask him," Rose said. "No, this has to be done in person. Gotta show him something. I promise I'll be there and back before the eggs get cold," Alan said. Rose sighed and nodded. Alan ran over to her, kissed her cheek and kissed Christopher's head. "It's an emergency, Starlight, honestly," he said to her. Rose nodded. She and Christopher watched as he ran out of the kitchen. A moment later, the front door slammed and Rose looked at her son. "With your daddy, everything's an emergency," she said as Christopher giggled. (Meanwhile...) The Doctor stood with his children inside a dojo inside the TARDIS. After he began training them, the TARDIS designed it so they'd have a safe place to practice. It had been three months since they went to the funfair and already he had taught them a few basic moves. The TARDIS had helped him train Namid so she could keep up with them including having her listen to different tones that would get fainter and fainter so her hearing could be sharpened. Namid was leaning against the wall with Chaska, resting while the Doctor showed Sokanon a new move. They were practicing with staffs and the Doctor was showing Sokanon a new blocking maneuver. He demonstrated it for her while he projected what he was doing into Namid's mind. Then he allowed her to practice what he showed her, attacking her so she could block him. Meanwhile, Rain was in the living room, reading a magazine and relaxing. The Doctor had promised to take them somewhere later on after he had finished with their morning martial arts session and he had a shower so she was taking it easy and loving the peace of the morning. The peace was broken when he heard a frantic knock on the door. She put the magazine down on the coffee table and walked towards the door. "Okay, don't bash the door in," Rain yelled as the knocking continued. She opened the door and saw Alan standing there; he was out of breath and panting hard. "Is Brother here?" he gasped out. "Well, yes, but he's training the children at the moment. Why? What's wrong?" She raised her eyebrow when Alan stared at her quietly. "Alan? What's wrong?" she said. "Um...it's a male thing," Alan said hesitantly. "I really need to talk to Brother about it." "Well, it might be awhile because "Brother" is training the children in the TARDIS. Why don't you come in and wait while..." Brother, can I talk to you for a moment, it's an emergency, Alan thought to the Doctor, completely ignoring the dirty look his sister was giving him. Yeah, hang on; let me finish up with Sokanon, the Doctor thought back. Are you at home? Um, I'm at your home. Rain is angry with me at the moment for interrupting your training session but I really, really, really have to speak with you. Be there in a minute, the Doctor thought back. "Won't you come in?" Rain said dryly. "Look, I'm sorry, but it is an emergency, honestly," Alan said to her. Rain sighed and let him come inside. Alan went and sat down on the sofa while Rain asked him if he wanted something to drink. He shook his head and stared straight ahead while Rain sat down beside him. She frowned when she noticed how fidgety he was while he waited. "What's wrong, Bro," Rain said. "Are Rose and Chris okay?" "Oh yeah, they're fine. It has to do with me," Alan said. "And...what is it?" "Men stuff," Alan said, shrugging. Rain sighed, picked up her magazine and went back to reading it, ignoring Alan as he stared at the garage door, willing his brother to come back inside the house. Finally, after ten minutes, the door opened and Alan leapt to his feet. Rain put the magazine down in her lap as he ran to him. "Alan, what's the matter?" the Doctor said. "I need to run a comparison between us!" Alan said, grabbing his arms. Rain stared at him as the Doctor gazed at him with a shocked face. "Comparison...of what?" the Doctor said. Alan looked at Rain who sighed angrily. "Out with it, Alan. Whatever it is, I'm sure I won't be shocked," she said to him. He looked back at the Doctor who was patiently waiting for him to explain. He swallowed hard. "Um...I need to compare...penises." "What?" the Doctor and Rain said at the same time. "Why?" the Doctor added as Rain stared at Alan in shock. "Um...I've been measuring myself for several years now and this morning, I think I...shrank." Rain groaned. Her head lowered to her hands as the Doctor stared at Alan as if a tree had grown out of the top of his head. "Shrank?" the Doctor said, not sure he heard him right. "Yes, I've always been around the same size and actually I've gotten bigger on occasion but this morning, my measurement came up short and I'm afraid I'm shrinking and I need to compare your penis with mine." "Alan!" Rain said. "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life! You came running all the way over here for that?" "But I need to know, Rain," Alan said desperately. "I have to measure us. I have to be the biggest out of all of us, me, him, Doc, Adam, John, Theta, I wanna have the biggest nob among my brothers." Rain's head fell back to her hands as Alan turned his head and ignored her. "Please, humor me and measure yourself!" he implored. The Doctor stared at him for a moment, then a smile slowly spread over his face and he shook with silent laughter. "It's not funny, damn it, I need to know! I need to be the biggest womb broom in the room!" he said to him. The Doctor snickered as Rain rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll go get my...ruler," he said, managing to hold back his laughter. "I can't believe you convinced him to do this, Alan," Rain said behind him as the Doctor went back to the TARDIS for a ruler. After the Doctor retrieved the ruler, Rain sat on the sofa and read her magazine. But she was finding it hard to do since she kept giggling every time she pictured her husband and Alan measuring themselves with a ruler. By this time, the children had grown bored and came back out into the living room. Rain lowered her magazine and patted the sofa cushion. They sat down beside her and she turned on the holotelevision, finding a cartoon for them to watch. They were all watching it when Alan came back out of the bathroom, a relieved look on his face as the Doctor followed behind him. "Okay, I'll be going now, emergency is over," Alan said. "Hello, my kiddy dinkies, have a fantastic day." "What emergency?" Chaska asked. "Nothing, son, just a little experiment is what he means," the Doctor said. "Yes, an experiment," Alan said nodding. "Brother, thank you for putting my mind at ease. I'll now go back home and eat breakfast. Rain, have a great day, don't get into trouble. See ya later, alligators!" Rain watched as he walked to the door, whistling happily and then she looked at her husband as she put a privacy block around his mind. So, he's the biggest then? She thought to him. The Doctor grinned and winked. No, but I lied about my measurement just to put his mind at ease. Everyone knows that nothing can compare to the real deal. Anyway, he's satisfied and the world can go on turning. Well, thank God for that. I would hate to think of all the devastation he'd create if he realized he came up short in the biggest penis department. I don't think I'd enjoy having to tazer or tranquilize the sorry bastard after he knocked down half the city in a fit of despair. The Doctor chuckled and leaned over to give her a kiss. "I'll take a shower and get cleaned up while I think of somewhere for us to go," he said to her before he turned and headed back to the bathroom.
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