PARENTHOOD
Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Three The TARDIS finally came to an abrupt stop and all the adults breathed out a sigh of relief. The Doctor stood up at the console and took a moment to get his bearings. He looked around and noticed Hope's terrified expression as she lay beside Alan. Alan and everyone else got to their feet and Hope slowly rose up, her hands outstretched towards her father. "Daddy?" she said in a shaky voice as the Doctor hugged her. Hope noticed Rain walking towards them and she reached out her arm for her. Rain smiled and embraced her from behind. "That was scary," Hope said to them. The Doctor was about to comfort her some more when Alan walked in front of her, he bent down and met her eyes with a stern look. "Oi, how dare you blow us off course," he said to her. "I didn't," Hope said. "Yes, you did. You let out a fart and blew us halfway across the universe. Admit it! You let one rip and we ended up in the middle of a whirlwind, confess!" The Doctor and Rain watched their daughter as a slow smile spread over her face. "I didn't fart, you did," she finally said, touching Alan's nose. "Me? I don't fart. You on the other hand can knock down buildings with your little puffs, Farty Moo Moo." Hope giggled when Alan began to dance around in front of her while he sang. "Shame on you, Farty Moo Moo. Instead of that fart going into the loo, it exploded from your bum and we went too-da-loo. Now we're lost and I think I'm gonna sue. Farty, Farty Moo!" The Doctor looked over his shoulder when Jack tapped him on the shoulder. "Have you ever had him checked for...mental deficiency and things like that?" Jack asked him. "I tried but the psychiatrist went insane during the first session," the Doctor replied. "Since then, I've let him do his own thing so I don't get a lawsuit from another therapist's family." Jack looked over the Doctor's shoulder and smiled when he saw that Hope was no longer scared and was giggling at Alan's antics. He really is good with children, isn't he? Jack thought to the Doctor. Which is the reason why I tolerate his shenanigans, the Doctor thought back. She was shaking a few minutes ago and in a panic and now she's laughing at Alan and forgotten her fears. He may be an oddball but you can't deny he has a talent for putting people at their ease. The Doctor looked at Alan when he tapped him on the shoulder. "So...where did we land up, thanks to Fartblossom here?" he said, tapping his finger on Hope's head. "Well, I will have a dekko on the old monitor here," the Doctor said. "Keep the child busy in the meantime." "Aye, aye, Captain," Alan said, saluting. "Jack and I will entertain the wee one." Jack raised his eyebrow at that but Alan took Hope's hand. "Come along, Farty Moo Moo, before you let another one go and blow your dear old dad into the wall," he said, tugging at her hand. Hope laughed and ran behind Rose who was standing off to the Doctor's left. Jack glanced at Alan as Hope peeked out from behind Rose and grinned at them. Jack shrugged and pranced up to her. "Watcha doin', Farty Moo Moo?" he said, bending down to her. "Gonna fart and blow Aunty Rosie into the wall?" "No!" Hope said while Rose and Rain giggled. Rain walked up to the Doctor's side and watched while Jack tried to tickle Hope. She ran off towards the ramp and Jack and Alan followed her. "Yup, my brother is great with children," the Doctor said to her while Rose leaned on the rim of the console and watched Jack and Alan tease Hope. "Not a trace of fear left in her now because of him and Jack. Bless. Now let's see where we're at." Hope came up beside him and watched the screen with silent interest. The Doctor smiled when Alan pranced around the console and flung his face into hers. "Hey, Nosy, quit being Nosy, Nosy Posy," he said to her while she giggled. "You don't need to know what's going on, Nosy Posy Rosy Rose." "That's Rose," Hope said, pointing towards Rose. Alan snapped his body straight and stared at Rose with shock while Rose grinned and waved at him. He leaned down into Hope's face. "Is that her name? I always thought it was Sparkle Snoofsnoof," he said while Hope giggled. "Or maybe Plunger Bumbottom?" "No, she's called Rose, now leave me alone, I wanna see the screen," Hope said, pushing on the tip of his nose. She turned and tried to see the monitor but Alan stuck his hand out in front of her eyes and moved it whenever she moved her head. "Daddy, Uncle Alan won't let me see the screen," Hope said, tugging on the Doctor's trouser leg. Without taking his eyes off his monitor, the Doctor tapped Alan on the top of the head. Alan rose up and gave him a questioning look. "What did I tell you about bothering others?" the Doctor said as he stared at the monitor. "It was soundly encouraged and I should have a jolly time doing it?" Alan said while the women laughed. "No, you should behave and let others see the monitor," the Doctor said, speaking as if to a child while he stared at the monitor. "Really? What a novel idea," Alan mused. "Hmmm," he murmured as he walked back around the console. "Letting others be and letting them see the monitor, I never considered that possibility before..." "Thanks, Daddy," Hope said, resting her arms on the rim of the console while she looked at the monitor. "Yeppers," the Doctor said while Rain and Rose giggled. Suddenly, Alan sped back around the console. Hope laughed when he grabbed her in a tight hug. "But if I don't bother you, how will I get acknowledgement and love?" he wailed in her ear while the Doctor grinned. "I need to be seen so people won't forget meeeeee!" Alan shut up when Jack came around the console, stopped behind him and laid his head on his back. "I'll pay attention to you, Alan Timelord," he said in a screechy falsetto voice. Everyone laughed when Alan let out a strangled scream, yelled out "cooties!" and ran away from him. "Knew that'd work," Jack said, coming up behind Hope. "So...where are we?" "It's called Pangea," the Doctor said, glancing at him. "And no, I don't know where it is and I've never been there before." "Are we gonna go take a look?" Hope asked him. "Dunno, I don't know if Pangea is child friendly yet," the Doctor said. "Well, we could let Captain Cooties there take a gander out yond," Alan said, leaning around the rotor. "What's wrong with you taking a gander, Self-Absorbed Loony Toony?" Jack said to Alan. "I'm special, I need to be sheltered and protected. You're expendable; you bounce back if something eats you, so go on, spit spot, out the door, Cootie Whore!" "Excuse me?" Jack said, putting his hand on his hips and walking over to him while the others giggled. "I'm a what, now?" "Cootie Whore, but I mean that in the most affectionate way possible. Bye now!" Alan said before he sprinted away towards the back door. "I'll Cootie Whore you in a moment," Jack muttered as he walked towards the front door. Alan looked out the back door and everyone else came around the console while Jack walked to the front door. He hesitated a moment and then flung it open. He looked outside and noticed that the TARDIS had landed on a dirt path that was going through the middle of a forest. He heard birdsong in the trees and looked back at the Doctor. "Unless the birds here breathe no oxygen, I think it's safe to step outside," he said with a shrug. Jack walked outside, put his hands in his pockets and looked around. The path was surrounded on both sides by a dense forest. Up above him was a blue sky and a yellow sun shone, its light warming him. He looked around, shrugged and came back inside. "Are you sure this isn't Earth, Doc?" Jack said, walking up beside the Doctor. "Looks like Earth to me." "TARDIS told me it was Pangea. These aren't the coordinates for Earth," the Doctor said, pointing to his monitor. "There are a lot of planets in the universe that resemble Earth." "And since you're a former Time Agent, you should know that, Cootie Queen!" Jack eyed Alan who was peering around the back door while the Doctor bit his lip and shook with silent laughter. "Could you excuse me a moment, I need to go pull someone's tongue out and shove it up his anus." Everyone laughed when Jack suddenly sprinted around the Doctor. Alan ducked back into the other room while Jack let out a roar and followed him through the door.
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