PREDATOR AND PREY

Chapter Nine

"Rassilon's robe, Jack, you need to pull yourself together," the Doctor said as they helped the naked Jack into the TARDIS.

Jack froze and the Doctor sighed when Jack looked around at the interior.

"TARDIS regenerate too, Doc?" he said.

"Quit calling me "Doc" and yes, she did. Now come inside so we can go," the Doctor said.

"Alright, alright, I can walk, you don't have to help me now," Jack said, brushing them away as River closed the door. "Sheesh! I wasn't going to try to run away. I am naked, you know."

He glanced over and grinned at Amy.

"Howdy, Ginger," he said, extending his hand. "Jack Harkness."

"I wouldn't, Jack. She's married to a very possessive person," the Doctor said, pointing to Rory who was standing beside him at the console. "And get some kit on, will ya? No one is interested in your meat and two veg."

Jack shrugged. He winked at Amy and walked over to the console. Everyone watched while he walked up the second set of steps and out of the room.

"Not shy about exposing himself, is he?" Amy said, coming up the stairs to the console.

"Trust me, he's had a lot of practice exposing himself," the Doctor said. "So…let's see if the TARDIS has any idea of where to find a stabilizer.

He checked the monitor and everyone came up behind him. He looked over his shoulder at them.

"Nosy, much?" he said to them before he turned his eyes back to the monitor.

He made a groaning noise as he read the Gallifreyan writing on the screen.

"What? Is it bad?" Rory said.

"Could be. The TARDIS has a possibility here. Unfortunately, the area she's listing is a known smuggler's paradise. I suspect the stabilizer is probably on the black market there."

"So…we look somewhere else?" Rose said.

"Well...a stabilizer strong enough to sustain a time ship in an alternate reality isn't found at your average Tesco. I'm betting this is our only option," the Doctor said. "Which means this time I will have to get my credit stick recharged because I have a feeling the stabilizer will cost beaucoup credits."

"But if it's a smuggler's paradise, don't you think it'll be populated by people who might know you and want to kill you?" River said. "Not to mention, Sweetie, you don't exactly look like the sort of person who goes shopping for parts on the black market."

"Which is why I need to use a bit of makeup and a change of clothing. Make myself look rougher."

"Blast, there goes the bow tie, I s'pose," Rose said with mock pity.

"I wouldn't talk, Rose. You lot are also getting dressed up. We are all going to pose as space pirates."

"And does that include the randy alcoholic in the back?" Amy said, hooking her thumb at the back door.

"Especially him. He used to be a con man so he'll be the one most equipped to deal with this sort of environment."

"Con man, why doesn't that surprise me?" Amy said dryly.

They looked up as Jack walked out of the back door, dressed in his usual outfit.

"Wow, that's an improvement over the satin sheet," Amy said, giving his outfit an appreciative eye as Jack came down the stairs.

"I'll say," River said. "He's quite handsome."

"Please, don't give his swelled head any more encouragement," the Doctor said to them.

"I'll pretend you didn't say that," Jack said as he walked up to him. "So…what's the plan?"

"First, I want you to take a pill that will cancel the effects of the alcohol on your body. What we're about to do will take a clear head."

"Oh God, I'm beginning to regret leaving the brothel," Jack said.

The Doctor explained their plan. When he finished, Jack gave him a dubious look.

"You're expecting to pass yourself off as a pirate?" he said to the Doctor. "No offense, Doc…Doctor, but you don't look like a rough, hardened space pirate."

"That's where makeup and costumes come in," the Doctor said.

"Yeah and it'll take a bit of makeup and costumes to make you look like a grizzled space pirate. You might have been able to pull it off in your ninth life…but now…you're too…pretty."

"Then I'll be Captain John Smith, the pretty pirate."

The women giggled while Jack gave the Doctor a dubious look. He shook his head.

"Your funeral," Jack said.

The Doctor set a course for the location the TARDIS gave them and all of them walked with him as he left the console room. He took Jack to med bay first and made him swallow a pill that would quickly sober him up. He then led them to the wardrobe room and instructed the TARDIS to lay out outfits for them that would be appropriate for space pirates. The women climbed to the first level of the room and the men to the second. There was a long wooden table near the back of the room. Three outfits were laid out on top of it and on top of the outfits were little cards with their names on it. The three women walked up to them and studied the outfits.

"All leather," Rose said, fingering the black leather bustier that was under her card. "Pirate women wear all leather then?"

"Apparently so," River said, picking up the olive green bustier that belonged to her.

Amy's outfit was red. Each outfit consisted of bustier, leather jacket and leather pants with boots. Each piece of the outfit was all the same color. The TARDIS provided them with folding screens and the three women walked over to them and got changed. When they emerged, they studied each other.

"Not bad," Amy said. "We're a trio of sexy pirates."

"Are we a part of the crew or are we s'posed to be the tarts that travel with the men?" Rose said.

"We better be part of the crew. I'm not going to tell anyone I'm a pirate's whore," River said.

"Ah, why not?" Amy said, nudging River. "If we're the whores, we can call ourselves the Yo Ho Hos!"

Rose bent over laughing at the shocked look on River's face. Then the shocked look melted into a grin and River giggled.

"The Yo Ho Hos, I actually like that," she said. "Yes, I second the idea…as a joke, of course."

"I third it," Rose said, holding up her hand.

"Then it's settled. We are the Yo Ho Hos, the sexiest pirates in the universe," Amy said.

The three women burst out laughing at that.

"Well, at least the women are in a good mood," they heard Jack say above them.

"WE HAVE DECIDED THAT WE SHALL BE KNOWN AS THE YO HO HOS, THE SEXIEST TARTS THAT EVER SAILED THE…UNIVERSE," River yelled up at the ceiling.

They giggled when there was silence from above. A moment later, the Doctor came down to them, dressed in black pants, black leather boots and a white cotton shirt with a black leather jacket. The women laughed harder when he jumped down onto the floor and gave them a long, hard stare.

"I'm beginning to wonder about the three of you," he said. "I'm happy that the three of you have become mates but calling youself the Yo Ho Hos makes me question if I should keep the three of you apart before the three men in this group have to rescue the three giggly women."

"We're merely playing our parts, Sweetie. I mean, look at us. We're all leather clad with our breasts hanging out. I'm assuming we're the old ladies in the group."

"No…actually, you were going to be fellow pirates and equals but if you want to imagine yourself as our tarts and call yourself the Yo Ho Hos, be my guest. Whatever keeps you lot happy. Now…since you are finished with your outfits, I'll take you to the makeup room and put some makeup and perhaps a few dueling scars on your faces. Jack…when you're done, the TARDIS will move the rooms around so you can find us," he yelled upstairs.

"Got it!" Jack yelled back.

"Okay, Yo Ho Hos, follow me!" the Doctor said to the women.

The three women shared a grin and followed the Doctor as he went downstairs.

Back                         Home                              Doctor Who Main Page                          Next