PREDATOR AND PREY

Chapter Thirty Two

"Carry on, my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest. Doncha cry no mooore!"

"Jack, what are you doing?" the Doctor said.

"Being bored and entertaining myself," Jack said. "I figure I'll warble a few tunes while we wait for Crazy Boy to come back in here and do whatever he's going to do. Now where was I? Oh yes, I was at the guitar part…na na nana nanananana…"

"Why did I regenerate with perfect hearing? Why?" the Doctor said, laying back on the floor while Rose giggled. "Why can't I go deaf voluntarily? It oughta be something Time Lords can do."

"I could put my fingers in my ears and puncture your eardrums," Rose said as she scooted up beside his head.

"I said voluntarily meaning I would like to hear sometimes. I can't do that if you puncture my eardrums," he said.

"Do you think we can help John?" Rose said to him.

"Help him in what way?" the Doctor said.

"Help him not be an asshole anymore," Jack said.

"I have a feeling that would take a couple of centuries and I'm not sure I'm up to the task," the Doctor said. "Better to just lock him away and be done with it."

"But why is he behaving like this?" Rose said to the Doctor. "If he's you, he should act like you and you're not evil. You'd never do something like this to us so why is he a complete nutter?"

The Doctor fell silent while he contemplated that. Meanwhile, Jack was amusing himself by singing Hotel California softly. Rose giggled when the Doctor started humming along with him while he thought.

"I have an inkling of a theory," the Doctor finally said.

"And that theory is…" Jack said.

"Derangement," the Doctor said.

"It took you twenty minutes of deep contemplation to figure out he's nuts? Doc, you're getting slow in your old age," Jack said while Rose giggled.

"It's Doc...tor, I keep telling you that, and I have more to my theory if you'd let me finish."

"Carry on," Jack said.

"He's suffering from derangement which I think has been brought on by his mixed genes," the Doctor said, staring up at the ceiling while he spoke. "Just as Donna was affected by the metacrisis, he has as well except his derangement isn't life threatening."

"Depends on whose life is being threatened," Rose said.

"True. But what I mean is his insanity won't make his mind burn up."

"So being half human has driven the poor schlub insane?" Jack said.

"It's a theory," the Doctor said. "Perhaps circumstances drove him insane but I really can't see him going insane just because he was stuck on an alternate world with Rose."

"Then again, Rose can drive people insane at times," Jack said.

Rose laughed when the Doctor leaned his head up and gave him an odd look.

"Just trying to keep the mood light," Jack said with a shrug.

The Doctor quickly sat up when the door opened and Amy, Rory and River were ushered into the room by two guards. Jack glanced at the Doctor and Rose and leapt to his feet while the guards closed the door.

"Howdy," he said to River as he put his arm around her.

River stared at the arm around her shoulder and then looked at Jack.

"You really don't have any inhibitions, do you?" she said. "People's personal space means nothing to you at all. I'm finding that out with each passing moment."

"I've become quite fond of you, River," Jack said, giving her most charming smile. "River is such a lovely name. It speaks to me of water winding silently through a sunlit forest while birds sing overhead."

The Doctor tried not to laugh at the surprise on River's face. Then River gave Jack a wry grin.

"Jack is such a lovely name as well. It speaks to me of a braying jackass, someone who thinks he's all that when he's actually not any sort of "that" at all. Now if you'll excuse me, I want to sit down."

Rose laughed when she took Jack's arm off her shoulder and went to sit down beside Rose. Amy and Rory were sitting by the door and they watched Jack's shocked expression and then they looked at each other when Jack walked over and sit down beside River.

"I love a woman with wit and sophistication," he said to River while Rose tried hard not to laugh. "It's rare when you find someone who can match wits with me."

"I find that an insult, considering you're a half wit," River said.

"Wow, this is quite entertaining," Amy said. "Makes up for being captured just to watch all this."

"Why are you suddenly going all Casanova on me anyway?" River said to Jack.

"Because I think you can do better than the Doctor."

River cocked her eyebrow while Rose gave the Doctor a gleeful look.

"I can do better than the Doctor?" River said, trying to hide her amusement.

"Yeah. Why date a Time Lord who has limited lives when you can hook your wagon to someone who is immortal," Jack said. "I have better hair; better teeth and I can fight anyone who dares challenge me."

"You also have an ego the size of Jupiter and a libido to match and the Doctor doesn't try to woo me with shoddy poetry about the beauty of my name," River said.

"River flowing through the glade," the Doctor said, lying back down on the floor. "ants are climbing a grass blade. Aren't you glad you got it made? Damn, I want some marmalade."

River slowly turned her head and gave the Doctor an odd look while everyone else howled with laughter.

"Okay, I take it back. Your poetry is far better than his," River said as Jack sniggered. "But I'm sorry; I'm not interested in you."

"Ah come on, try me," Jack said. "You won't be disappointed."

River stared at him for a moment and then turned her attention to Rose.

"You've known him longer than I have. What is your opinion of him?" River said to her.

"Well, he is a bit egotistical at times but he's a sweet man," Rose said.

River looked at Jack who was waggling his eyebrows at her. He gave her a wink and River gave him a dubious look. The Doctor was watching all this with amusement. He got up and walked over to Jack and put his lips to his ear as he cupped his hands over it so River couldn't hear.

"Answer yes or no and only yes or no. Is this your attempt to get River to like you so I can have Rose free and clear?"

"Yes," Jack said.

"Thank you, that's all I wanted to know," the Doctor said, walking back to his spot.

"What's going on?" River said, looking from one to the other.

"What's going on is that I care for you deeply and I'd like for that caring to become love," Jack said, putting his arm around her shoulder. "I think we're perfect for each other and I want to be in a relationship with you full time. How 'bout it?"

River looked at Amy. Amy shrugged and grinned.

"Take a chance, River. It might be an interesting relationship," Amy said.

"I have a feeling though you'd be bonking him 24/7," Rory said. "So keep that in mind."

"Good point. Will you be bonking me 24/7?" River said to Jack.

"No, more like 23/7 because I have to eat and pee sometime," Jack said.

Rose and Amy giggled when Jack gave River a big, cheesy grin. River said nothing for a moment and then let out a little chuckle.

"Well…nice to know it won't be continuous sex then," she said with a smile.

"Nah, gotta do my bodily functions and then it's back to bed with ya," Jack said, leaning back against the wall.

The Doctor smiled when he heard River chuckle at that and scoot up to the spot beside him. Jack looked at her as she settled her back against it and then gave the Doctor a pointed look. The Doctor kept his face passive since River was watching but he did wonder if River and Jack could be right together. He knew it would make things between him and Rose much easier. He looked back up at the ceiling while Jack made small talk with River and Amy and Rory talked softly.

Then the door opened and the guards entered the room. The Doctor rolled his eyes when they commanded him and Rose to get up and follow them. Rose sighed and got to her feet. She waited for the Doctor to stand up and when he was at her side they walked out of the room while everyone else watched silently.

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