A/N: This story is a part of my Something Old, Something New series.

Chapter One

Rose sipped a mug of tea while she relaxed in her recliner. Alice, her Alsatian, was lying beside it, head on her paws while she snoozed. Rose was looking at a magazine called New Gallifrey. It was a magazine that reported on the various goings on around the planet and the new innovations the scientists were coming up with. She was reading an article about a project several scientists and historians were working on. They were hoping to make a museum about Old Gallifrey and its past, complete with animatronic figures. She'd heard about this before since a four man team of historians approached the Doctor to get his input on it and permission to contribute the likeness of his former selves for some of the animatronics. The Doctor had been less than thrilled about it, figured it was a bunch of schmaltz and something akin to a tourist trap but he decided that if he did help out, it would be more educational and less schmaltzy. He was currently on the other side of the planet with his wife and children assisting the historians while Alan was away tending to the organic farm he had purchased several months ago. Alan had taken his dog, Speck, with him so apart from Alice; she was the only one in the house.

It was nearly Christmas now and the house was decorated for the season. A large tree stood by their fireplace and Christmas lights outlined the windows. Everything was lit along with a roaring fire and the whole thing added to the coziness Rose felt. As she read the article, she half listened to the buzzlike activity of thoughts inside her head, the consciousness of others on the planet that was part of the shared hive mind of the Time Lords and Ladies. Currently, the buzz was faint and indistinct. There were billions of people on the planet and so no single thought could be made out. But if she concentrated and pulled someone's mind forward, she could hear them clearly. Reading the article made her curious about the Doctor and what he was up to so she instinctively reached into the morass of thoughts, found her adopted brother and pulled his mind forward. She sensed his boredom first off along with a slight twinge of annoyance. At the moment, he seemed to be daydreaming about being home at Christmas with his family although as she kept up her surveillance, the daydream was interrupted by thoughts and memories of Old Gallifrey and she assumed he was being questioned by the historians and was probably half listening to them while he daydreamed and then focusing on Old Gallifrey when they asked him a question. Then once the question was finished, he apparently went back to daydreaming again since the memories never lasted more than a minute or two.

While she shared his daydream about eating a big plate of turkey, mashed potatoes and stuffing, she reached out to him and gave his mind an affectionate nudge. She grinned when the daydream froze with him about to eat a huge slice of turkey and then his mind went blank. She had masked her identity to him when she gave him the nudge so she sensed him reaching out and probing her mind to ascertain her identity. Then he stopped just as he got to one of her memories and she saw another flash of Old Gallifrey and what she assumed was him as a young boy playing with Koschei in the fields of red grass. She masked her identity and nudged him again and again, the probing started so she decided to help him out by projecting an image of her face into his consciousness.

Oh, it's you, he thought to her. Shoulda known.

Bored? Rose thought back to him while she took a sip of tea.

Beyond bored. I don't like being here and I don't like being questioned about my past by a bunch of Starbucks swigging berks. I have better things to do than this.

So why did you agree to it, Rose thought as she put her tea down on the table beside her.

Because I dread to think what this amusement park ride would look like without my input, he thought back to her. Wait a tic, gotta answer another question like the trained monkey that I am.

Rose saw another image of Gallifrey, this time of the Citadel while she read the article. She glanced up when she heard the sound of a TARDIS in the garage and she knew Alan was home.

Sorry, rather be chatting with you than put on the spot, the Doctor thought back to her. So…what is going on? Where are you? You're thinking about this project as well, although for the life of me, I can't think why.

That's because I'm reading a magazine article about it…and Alan just came home from the farm, Rose added when she heard him calling to her from the garage.

Before she could say anything more, the garage door burst open.


Alice got up and bounded over to Alan while Speck entered behind him. Alan bent down and ruffled Alice's fur while she licked his face.

"So!" Alan said, jerking upright. "I caught you at last!"

Rose frowned when he jabbed his finger at her.

"Caught me at what?" she said.

"Having an affair. I know that's what you do while I'm off milking cows. Come now, it's Brazz with the gimpy leg, isn't it?"

Your brother is back and he's in rare form, Rose thought to the Doctor.

So what else is new, the Doctor thought back.

"Wait, it's Clive with the cellulitis, am I right?" Alan said, walking over to her while the dogs followed him.

"No, it's Jack with the huge penis," Rose said to him.

Alan froze, feigning shock.

"Not…Jack Jack," he said.

"Yes, Jack Jack. I go to Torchwood while you're down on the farm."

She giggled when Alan feigned disgust at that.

"He's zillions of years old, how could you, my spousal unit?" Alan said.

"And you're not zillions of years old?" Rose challenged.

"No. I mean, you're the one that zapped him and made him into the walking dead. Who knows how long he lived before he ran back to the Doctor with me in tow. I was just a pitiful thing in a jar back then. I'm young compared to him and yet….eeeeeeeeew," he said, making a face. "I would have guessed you capable of many things, Starlight, but never necrophilia."

"Oh, shut up," Rose said while he chuckled and leaned in for a kiss. "How was your day then?"

"It was filled with bovines and milking but I'm getting the hang of it now. And you, how did sex with Jack go?"

"It was like shagging the walking dead."

"Thought so," Alan said, nodding.

"By the way, I am telepathically communicating with your brother. They are still in Astraia with the boffins."

Alan made another face.

"Order him to return this instant for coffee and merriment," he said to her. "Why is he agreeing to talk to them anyway? We could make our own history of Gallifrey park thingy and charge our own admission for it."

"He doesn't want them to muck up his childhood and bring shame upon the house of Lungbarrow, among other things," Rose said.

Alan rolled his eyes.

"Tell him to return post haste while I go pee," he said as he walked past her to the stairs.

You are to return post haste for coffee and merriment and you must do it while Alan is peeing, Rose thought to the Doctor.

And what do I tell the berks then, he thought back.

Tell them you must return post haste for coffee and merriment and you must do it while your brother is peeing, Rose thought.


He's finished peeing. Time's up, Rose thought to the Doctor.

Tell him if I don't stay here and answer questions, the berks will skin me and wear my skin like a suit.

Rose yelled that up to Alan and waited for his response. She glanced up when there was no reply and she shook her head

He's not replying. He must be in shock that you didn't do his bidding, Rose thought to the Doctor.

No. He's up to something. I can just see it now. He's going to take Daisy, come over here and force me inside.

Rose was about to think back when she heard stomping on the stairs. She got up and saw Alan stomping down with his toothbrush in his hand, a determined look on his face while Alice and Speck followed him.

Ought oh, he's armed with his toothbrush, this is getting serious, Rose thought to the Doctor.

Alan stomped over to her and stopped. He stood ramrod straight, his arm crooked and his toothbrush in his right hand out and only inches from her left breast.

"Did I hear you say no in response to my demand for coffee and merriment?" he said to her.

"Yeah, he can't come because he will be physically harmed if he leaves," Rose says. The berks will skin him alive."

"I am a force to be reckoned with, Madam!" Alan said imperiously to her. "He may be the Oncoming Storm but I have certified papers saying I can't be left alone under any circumstances or things go splody. Do you want things to go splody, Madam? Because I can make it happen if I am displeased! Things go splody when my wrath is unleashed."

Rose gave him a mild look and made a big show of yawning.

"Splody! I'm warning you!" Alan said, touching the tip of her nose with the back of his toothbrush. "And now I must go unleash my splody on the boffins so they'll leave my brother alone!"

"Alan, wait, just let him be. Just calm down and he'll be home soon," Rose said.

"I can't make splody?" Alan said.

Rose giggled at the pout on his face.

"Make Speck go splody if you must," she replied, touching his cheek.

"Speck is my helpmate. How 'bout Alice?"

"No, leave Alice alone."

"Blast. I need splody. I crave it!"

"No, sit here," Rose said, taking his hand and leading him to her chair. "Rest and think of…unicorns."

"Unicorns go splody?" Alan said as he sat down in the chair.

"Yes, think about unicorns go splody and I'll bring you a cup of tea."

"Very well, my thirst for death is assuaged at the moment, you may proceed with tea," Alan said.

Rose chuckled and kissed the top of his head.

"You're certifiable but I love you just the same," she said softly to him.

"I will bask in your love then until you return with tea for me," Alan said happily.

"Good. No splody then."

"Not even a little splody?"

"No, no splody whatsoever."

"Can I fart?"

He grinned impishly when Rose tried to keep a straight face.

"Yes, you may break wind," she said.

"Enough to make splody?" Alan said hopefully.

"Only if you confine the splody to your pants."

"That's doable," Alan said with a nod.

Rose chuckled. Alan smiled when she nuzzled his cheek and let out a contented sigh when she left to get him some tea.

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