A/N: This is an AU story since Jack and Torchwood are mentioned in it before Doomsday happened, but hey, I love Jack/Doctor/Rose stories so I couldn't resist putting him in.

Chapter Seven

Rose’s Blog Entry No. 42…

Arrgh, I’m so mad I can barely type this entry out. The Doctor and Jack went too far today. Normally, I put up with their teasing and practical jokes but today they both crossed the line. I am so glad we do travel in time because if I was forced to live in pre-revolutionary France after today, I’m sure I would have dragged both those boys to the guillotine. And when I say boys, I mean BOYS because both of them act like a couple of immature, bratty, older brothers. And just like all bratty brothers, they sit around and think up ways to tease and humiliate me so they can get a giggle. One of these days I swear I will turn the tables on both of them and let them see how it feels to be embarrassed in front of high society!!!!!

Okay, Rose, calm down and get a grip so you can get this entry out.

Anyway, it started earlier today. We had just picked up Jack the day before. He and the rest of the Torchwood team were giving themselves a couple days off and Jack decided to travel with us. So he phoned the Doctor up on the mobile he gave him and away we went. I went to bed last night never dreaming that those two BOYS were planning something rotten to do to me in the morning…


Rose frowned in her sleep and murmured out something unintelligible.


Rose opened her eyes and turned her head to look up at the Doctor who was standing beside her bed.

“Huh?” she murmured sleepily.

“Wake up, Jack and I have a surprise for you.”

“You do? What?”

“Well, first you have to get up and then we’ll let you know what the surprise is.”

“Alright,” Rose murmured flinging her covers off her.

“Just meet us in the wardrobe room after you get dressed,” the Doctor said.

Rose grunted in reply. The Doctor left the room while she swung her legs over the bed and slowly got up.

Rose was still trying to wake up as she slowly climbed the stairs to the Doctor’s wardrobe room. She found him and Jack standing on the second floor smiling warmly at her. Looking at those smiles, she suddenly got a funny feeling that they were up to something and she was going to be on the receiving end of it.

“Ah, Rose, there you are,” the Doctor walking towards her.

He put his hand on her shoulder.

“Rose, how would you like to go to a fancy ball?” he said.

Rose shrugged.

“I wouldn’t mind,” she said. “Sounds like it could be fun.”


The Doctor glanced at Jack and she noticed a conspiratorial look pass between them. He looked back at her.

“Well, first off, the ball is in 1779 in France,” he said.

“Okay,” Rose said sensing this was leading to something she wasn’t going to like.

“Now, do you know very much about upper class society in pre-revolutionary France?” he asked her.

Rose snorted.

“I know you invented the banana daiquiri the night you went out and partied with a certain French courtesan who shall remain nameless. I’m assuming the party you were at was attended by the upper class,” she replied giving him a pointed look.

The Doctor coughed nervously.

“Um, yes, well…we won’t get into that right now,” he muttered.

He quickly turned away and walked over to one of the clothes racks as Jack snickered. He grabbed a huge, pink frilly dress and showed it to her.

“This is the kind of dress that was worn by the high born ladies of the time. If we are attending a fancy ball, then you must wear this,” he said to her.

Rose groaned.

“Do I have to?” she said.

“Yes, you have to; this is the upper class we’re talking about. They’re not going to look very favorably on your jeans and tee-shirt. You’ll also need to wear a hoop skirt, white hose, shoes, petticoat, corset…”

Rose gasped as he threw all the items her way. Jack watched her with an amused grin when he saw her staring at the small mound of clothing and accessories with a horrified look on her face.

“And for the piece de resistance, your wig!” the Doctor said triumphantly as he walked to another corner of the room.

Rose stared at him in shock.

“Oh hell no, Doctor,” she said.

“Oh hell yes, Rose,” the Doctor said pulling the lid off a huge, brown box. “Women of that time wore elaborate wigs to parties and you will do the same. In fact, I have just the thing for you right here.”

Rose’s eyes nearly popped out of her head when she saw the wig. The wig itself wasn’t very high, but sitting smack dab on top of it was a two foot tall model of a three masted ship. She stared at it in shocked silence.

“You are kidding me; I’m supposed to wear that? It’s hideous!” Rose said pointing at it.

“Yes, but where we are going, this is currently in style. It is known as a la Belle Poule. The ship is a representation of a famous French ship called the Belle Poule that fought a famous battle against the British ship HMS Arethusa. Both ships fought in a heated battle and the Belle Poule managed to avoid being destroyed or captured when the Arethusa was forced to retreat after losing its mast and in honor of that, French women began wearing a model of the ship in their hair.”

“I…am…not…wearing…that!” Rose said to him.

“You have to, I don’t have any other wigs for you to wear,” the Doctor said discretely shoving a smaller box of wigs out of sight with his foot.

“Then, I’ll do up my own hair instead.”

“Nope, sorry, that won’t do either. High born ladies wear wigs to fancy parties and I’m not going to have you embarrass me in front of the upper class.”

“ME EMBARRASS YOU?” Rose yelled. “What about you embarrassing me by making me wear that thing! It probably weights a ton and that and this getup will be hotter ‘n hell!”

“Nevertheless, you must wear it. It would be a different story if we were just strolling the streets of Paris, but this is a society ball and rules must be followed. Now, get your dress on and we’ll help you with the wig, but I won’t take no for an answer. Come and get us when you’re done, we’ll be at the bottom of the stairs.”

He hurried past her, carrying the wig with him so Rose wouldn’t destroy it. He looked over at Jack when he caught up to him and both of them fought to keep from laughing as Rose let out an angry groan and grabbed the corset and hoop skirt.

Finally, after wrestling with the dress and accessories, she finally managed to get them on properly and she stood in the wardrobe room feeling like she was going to die as the Doctor and Jack scrutinized her attire calmly.

“It’ll have to do, I guess,” the Doctor said sniffing.

“Yeah, I guess we’ll just have to live with it,” Jack said letting out a melodramatic sigh.

The Doctor grinned, reached behind him, and picked up the wig.

“And now we complete the look,” he said walking towards Rose.

Rose grunted when he plopped the wig down on her head.

“Jesus, it weighs a ton!” she yelled as she felt her neck begin to ache.

The Doctor ignored her as he tucked her hair underneath the wig. Once all traces of blonde locks were concealed beneath the wig, he stepped back and gave her another appraising look. As he looked at Rose standing there in a tight pink, dress, with tight, pink shoes and a huge ship atop her bewigged head he couldn’t help but crack a smile.

“What’d you think, captain?” he asked Jack.

Jack scratched his chin thoughtfully and walked over to her.

“I like the look, but what I think this ship needs is a teeny tiny crew and perhaps a plank jutting out the side with a little guy about to walk off it into her hair. I think that would be cool looking.”

He giggled when Rose gave him a look of death.

“I’m just saying, Rose; a nice ship like this needs a crew in it. If you’re gonna go for realism, then go all the way I say!”

“I’m gonna kill the both of you.” Rose muttered.

The Doctor walked over and took her hand.

“Now, Rose, don’t be that way. It’s a small sacrifice to be able to party with the upper crust. You should be thanking us. You would have never gotten to do this if you had stayed a shop girl.”

“Yes, I would have been so crushed knowing I would have missed the chance to go to a party with a bloody great ship on my head,” Rose said as the Doctor and Jack snickered.

“No grumbling, Tyler, or I’ll have you keelhauled!” the Doctor said to her. “Now raise your anchor and let’s set sail for that party!”

Ignoring the glare that his companion was giving him, he grabbed her hand and helped her walk down the steps as Jack followed behind them, snickering.

Rose sighed angrily as she walked along the Paris streets with the Doctor and Jack. She swore to God if she heard one more nautical joke from either one of them, she was going to break off one of the ship’s masts and gouge their eyes with it. Worse yet, she hadn’t seen anyone else wearing anything remotely like what she was wearing and judging from the odd looks she was getting from the other people around them, the Doctor was wrong about it being the in thing to wear. She balled up her fist when she heard Jack start singing the ‘yo ho ho and a bottle of rum’ song to her. She figured it was a good thing Jack was immortal and the Doctor was the only one who knew how to fly the TARDIS, because otherwise they would both be dead by now. Even worse, Rose noticed that while she had to wear the tight, uncomfortable, itchy dress and the enormous boat on top of her head, the Doctor and Jack were wearing their normal, everyday outfits.

“Hey,” she finally said to the Doctor. “How come I have to wear all this to this fancy ball and you two get to wear your normal clothes?”

“Because,” the Doctor said to her.

“Because why?”

“Because,” the Doctor said shrugging as if that settled it.

Rose sighed angrily as the Doctor glanced back at Jack and they both fought to keep from laughing.

Rose gasped when the Doctor suddenly jerked on her arm.

“Avast, me hearties, we’ve arrived at the shindig, arrrrr,” the Doctor said in a pirate voice.

“You are so dead; you do realize that, don’t you?” Rose said to him.

The Doctor gave her a shocked look.

“Shiver me timbers, Rose, that’s no way to talk to your captain! I’ll flog ye with the cat o’ nine tails and make ye walk the plank!”

He glanced up at the boat.

“Or I would make ye walk the plank if ye had a plank,” he said.

“See, I told you, she needed one,” Jack said to him.

“You’re gonna think walk the plank when I shove you two out the door into the bleedin’ vortex!” Rose said angrily.

“Don’t talk back to your captain like that, ye little powder monkey, or I’ll tie a tiny noose to your mast and make you dance the hempen jig, aaaaaaar!”

Rose sighed, threw up her hands, walked over to the door, and threw it open. They watched as she went inside.

“You know she really is gonna kill us when we get back to the TARDIS, don’t you?” Jack said to the Doctor.

The Doctor smiled.

“Yes, but it’s worth losing another life if I get to see her walking around in this getup.”

He and Jack snickered and walked inside.

Once inside they had no trouble locating Rose in the crowd. Oh, there were plenty of enormous, extravagant wigs, but there was only one with a ship atop it. They giggled and watched the ship sailing around the room as Rose tried to navigate her way through the crowd. They looked at each other, nodded and walked towards her.

They are so dead!

Rose was looking around the room, but no one else was wearing a huge ship on her head. She suddenly felt very self-conscious as the women around her stared at the ship and muttered to each other under their breath. She was about to go find the two men responsible for her getup and throttle them when she suddenly felt someone tickle the back of her neck.

“Yo ho ho!” Jack said, tickling her side as he walked past her.

Rose glared at him as he turned his head and winked at her. As she muttered curses under her breath, she felt the Doctor come up beside her.

“Ahoy, landlubber, how are you enjoying the party so far?” he asked smiling at her.

“I cannot stress this enough, you will die a slow, painful death when we get back to the TARDIS,” she snarled at him.

“Nah, you’d never kill me, you’d miss me in an instant,” the Doctor said shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Wanna bet?” Rose said narrowing her eyes.

“You won’t do it because if you kill me you might get someone even cheekier than me.”

“Who said I was gonna stop killing you when you regenerated?”

“You still won’t do it. You need me in your life. I am the Moby Dick to your Captain Ahab, the Long John Silver to your Jim Hawkins, and the jar of dirt to your Jack Sparrow. You’d miss me if I were dead.”

He snickered as Rose rolled her eyes.

“Look, I’ve gone through with your little joke, now let’s get outta here and get back to the TARDIS.”

The Doctor gave her a shocked look.

“Now? We haven’t even had hors d’oeuvres yet and we still have to mingle and meet the upper crust of French society. Come on, Rose, I’ll stick by you and we’ll have fun, just relax.”

“I can’t relax with a bleedin’ boat on top of my head!” Rose said. “No one else is wearing anything like this and I feel like a fool! Do you even care about---“

She gasped when Jack suddenly ran up, grabbed the sides of her head and began to move it from side to side.

“Aaaah!” he said. “A hurricane just blew up and the ship is out of control! All hands on deck or we’ll all go down to Davy Jones’ locker!”

“THAT IS IT!” Rose screamed.

All heads turned and stared at her in shock as she grabbed the wig off her head and threw it to the floor. Everyone around her jumped back when she began to stomp on the ship, destroying it. She gave the broken model one last hard kick before she turned around and stomped out of the room. Jack swallowed hard and looked at the Doctor.

“I think I just went a bit too far,” he conceded.

Well, needless to say, the Doctor and Jack haven’t bothered me all night since I got back to the TARDIS. And it’s a good thing too because I was this close to murdering them both. I swear I will have my revenge on them if it takes me a million years! I…

Rose looked up from typing on her laptop when she heard a soft thud and felt the coffee table vibrate. In front of her was an enormous floral bouquet filled with all sorts of colorful and exotic flowers. Next to it was a large fruit basket filled with all her favorite fruits, both from Earth and from other worlds, and next to that was a large, black teddy bear and a stuffed unicorn. Rose stared at the gifts, shocked, and then she saw the Doctor and Jack peeking nervously over the top of the flowers.

“Hey there, Rose, busy working on something?” the Doctor said.

“Yes, I am,” Rose said with barely contained anger.

The Doctor glanced at Jack.

“Well, we kinda figured you were, so we decided to make a few quick stops and just look what we got for you! Aren’t they nice?”

Both men gave her a pleading look. Rose looked at their huge puppy dog eyes, let out a sigh of resignation and nodded.

“Yes, they’re very nice, Doctor and Jack, thank you for getting them for me,” she said.

The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief and walked around the coffee table. He tried to see what she had written, but Rose quickly closed the lid. The Doctor sighed and plopped down on the couch beside her as Jack came around the other side and sat down.

“Rose, I’m sorry we did that to you,” the Doctor said. “We were having a laugh, but when we did it, we figured that other people would be wearing the a la Belle Poule hairstyle too. Unfortunately, I miscalculated and landed a year after the style went out of fashion, which was why everyone was giving you odd looks. Jack and I are very, very sorry; we were just teasing you like we always do and it went horribly wrong and…”

He sighed.

“We did go a bit too far with the teasing, but neither of us could resist since you were wearing a gigantic boat on your head and…”

He grinned.

“You did look very odd with it on,” he said, his eyes filled with that mischievous gleam.

Rose stared into his beautiful brown eyes and she felt the anger melt away. A smile spread over her face.

“I guess I did give those nobs a bit of a shock when I smashed the boat in front of them, yeah?” she said.

The Doctor and Jack chuckled.

“Yes, just a bit of a shock, especially considering you were smashing a very well known and highly thought of boat.” He replied.

He put his arm around her.

“But you had every right to smash it since the whole idea of wearing a two foot model ship on the top of your head is really naff anyway.”

“Got that right,” Rose said giggling.

“Course that’s nothing compared to Shimaria where the Shimarians go about with purple paint covering their bare butt cheeks and orange paint on their breasts. Positively hideous. On the other hand, there is Tuptuptoolia where the Tuptup tribe and the Tuptoolia tribe are at war with each other. They like to chop off each other’s heads during battle and bring them home to their women so they can strap them to their heads and parade around the town showing off their husband’s victories. Grisly. Actually, given the reign of terror that France went through and the extensive use of the guillotine during it, I’m surprised the French people didn’t start putting fake heads on their hats and wigs. Ah well, that’s humans for ya, always unpredictable and always fun to watch!”

He gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Anyway, you get back to your blogging and enjoy your gifts; Jack and I are gonna go shoot some hoops in the TARDIS gym.”

He patted Rose on the hand and he and Jack got up. Rose watched them go and then lifted the lid and typed,

I will say this for the Doctor; the man knows how to talk himself out of a beating.

A/N: Yes, there actually was a hairstyle called the a la Belle Poule that was worn during the 18th century. Marie Antoinette supposedly wore it at one point in addition to many others. I have a writer’s dictionary that lists terms for different things (names of clothing, hairstyles, animals, weapons, technical terms, etc.) and this hairdo was listed in the hairstyle section. I looked it up on the internet and after seeing the enormous ship on top of the woman’s wig, I thought it would make a great little blog piece for Rose. Hard to believe people actually got away with wearing enormous model boats on top of their heads, but that’s fashion for you, I guess! Lol! But, that’s where the idea for this little chapter came from!

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