Chapter Eight

Rose’s Blog Entry No. 51…

The Doctor has told me in the past that he has some enemies that he has to keep fighting repeatedly. Enemies such as the Daleks or the Cybermen, but also ones I’ve never heard of like the Sontarans, Ice Warriors, Yetis, Axons and people like the Rani, the Master, and the Valeyard. Well, I guess the Doctor can now add to his growing list of enemies that keep popping up to plague him because the other day…

“Ah, here we go, one more scoop and it’ll be perfect,” Rose said as she used the ice cream scoop to get one more scoop of chocolate chip ice cream into her bowl.

It had been a very pleasant morning. Rose had gotten up and having nothing to do, decided to go into the den to watch TV while the Doctor did his usual tinkering with the TARDIS. She put the scoop of ice cream into the bowl, put the remainder back in the freezer, grabbed her spoon, and headed out the door to the den. As she munched on her ice cream, she suddenly heard the Doctor calling out her name and groaned.

“Oh bloody hell, there goes the day,” she muttered.

She continued to eat her ice cream as she walked into the console room. She paused at the back door and saw the Doctor staring at the monitor with a perplexed look on his face.

“What’s going on now?” Rose asked walking towards him.

“Distress signal, the TARDIS is tracking it,” the Doctor said. “I wanted you to be aware of it so we can go out the door as soon as she lands and…is that chocolate chip ice cream?”


The Doctor jerked the spoon out of Rose’s hand, shoveled some ice cream in his mouth, and gave the spoon back to her.

“Oi, get your own, why don’t---“

“Shh,” the Doctor said holding up his finger.

Just then, the TARDIS landed and powered down. The Doctor glanced down at the monitor.

“Odd,” he said.

“What is?”

“That’s the name of the place.”

“What’s the name of the place?”


“What’s odd about the name of the place?” Rose said exasperated.

“The name of the place where we have landed is called Odd,” he said.

“Oh, so is that a planet or a city or what?”

“Dunno, never heard of it,” the Doctor said.

He grinned.

“Sure is odd though, huh?” he said elbowing her in the ribs.

“Yeah, odd,” Rose said rolling her eyes.

“Well, let’s get out there and see what’s odd about Odd,” the Doctor said to her.

She sat the bowl of ice cream down on the captain’s chair and they walked to the door. The Doctor opened it and peeked out. Rose frowned when he heard him saying,

“Hey, you lot look awfully familiar.”

She gasped when a metal hand seized him and pulled him out the door. Rose tried to close the door but the robot rammed its way through and grabbed her. It pulled her outside and she saw the Doctor in the arms of another one.

“I hate robots, did I ever tell you that before, Rose, how much I loathe and despise them?” he said.

They grunted as they were dragged to a room and thrown inside. The Doctor and Rose leapt to their feet and groaned when they noticed they were back in the red room with the black carpeting and tons of toys and sitting at the desk right in front of them was Reginald Dortshire the Third.

“We meet again, Doctor,” he said.

“Listen you snot nosed brat, I am not your bleedin’ birthday present!” the Doctor yelled at him.

“On the contrary, my daddy found you and brought you to me so that makes you mine,” Reginald said smugly.

The Doctor sighed.

“I don’t have time for this, I have planets to see and people to save, I am not your toy so the sooner you get that through your thick skull, the happier we’ll all be!” he said to him.

The Doctor shook his head.

“Come on, Rose, we have better things to do than to stand here being his property,” he said turning around.

He started to walk towards the door when he heard a loud bang behind him. He spun around when Rose screamed and saw her imprisoned in the bottom of a huge hourglass.

“Daddy got this for me after I watched Aladdin,” Reginald said gesturing to the hourglass. “I thought it was cool and I wanted my own. And look it even buries people alive like it did in the movie.”

He pushed a button on his desk and Rose gasped when a little door opened above her and sand began to pour into the bottom half.

“LET HER GO!” the Doctor said pounding on the glass.

“I will if you agree to be my birthday present,” Reginald said shrugging. “After all, I don’t think you want her to be buried alive, do you? It doesn’t sound like it would be fun to die that way and…”

He trailed off when the Doctor pulled the screwdriver from his pocket.

“Hey, what’s that?” Reginald said, interested.

“This is my sonic screwdriver. It breaks glass, like so!”

He aimed it at the bottom half of the hourglass and turned it on. Reginald let out an angry yell as the glass shattered spilling sand all over the carpet.

“Hey! That was an expensive one of a kind hourglass!” Reginald said angrily as the Doctor helped Rose climb out.

“Well, perhaps if you had kept it to yourself, it would still be intact now,” the Doctor said as Rose dusted sand off her body.

“I’m gonna tell daddy you did that!”

“I’m gonna tell daddy you did that!” the Doctor said in a snotty voice. “Why don’t you tell daddy to teach you how not to be a snot nosed brat who kidnaps people for his amusement. Now if you don’t mind, Rose and I are leaving and by Rassilon if you try to stop us, I will resort to drastic measures! Now goodbye!”

“Wait; can you at least let me have that sonic screwdriver thingy? It’s cool!”

The Doctor gave him a pointed look and said slowly and deliberately,


He took Rose’s hand and turned to go.

“You can’t talk to me like that! I am Reginald Dortshire the Third and you are my birthday present!”

The Doctor sighed and looked at Rose.

“Wait here a moment, will you please?”

Rose nodded. The Doctor handed her the sonic screwdriver, turned and slowly walked towards the desk.

“Wait, what…what are you doing?” Reginald said leaping out of his seat. “You better not hurt me because my daddy will sue you and get everything you own. I am Reginald Dortshire the Third and you can’t hurt me. I’ll tell on you if you hurt me!”

Reginald tried to run, but the Doctor seized him by the arm.

“Come along, Reggie,” he said dragging him back towards his chair. “I’m going to teach you a lesson about what happens when you provoke the last of the Time Lords!”

The Doctor sat down in the chair, bent Reginald over his knee, and began to spank him.

“No!” he wailed. “You can’t do this to me! I’m Reginald Dortshire---“

“Oh shut up!” the Doctor said.

He finished spanking him, lowered him to the floor, and walked away, leaving him crying by the desk.

“You…you won’t get away with this, Doctor,” Reginald said between sobs. “You are my birthday present and I’ll find a way to keep you here forever! Dortshires never give up and WE NEVER LOSE!”

The Doctor ignored him as he opened the door, ushered Rose through and slammed it behind him.

“Just you wait, Doctor, I will go to daddy and have him come up with a foolproof way to catch you and keep you here permanently and then I’ll have both you and your sonic screwdriver in my possession!”

And there you have it, the Doctor has a new sworn enemy and he’s a snotty, bratty, nine year old rich kid. Apparently, Reginald did something to the TARDIS’s monitor to make it show the location as Odd so we wouldn’t know we had landed outside his bedroom again. Gotta hand it to the kid, he apparently has an unlimited supply of his daddy's money and the brains to trap us if he wants to. The Doctor is of course completely underwhelmed and has even joked that if Dorkshire ever shows his face around him again; he will give him an even harder spanking and use a belt on him to boot. He can joke, of course, because the kid wants him alive. Apparently, I’m an ucky girl with girl cooties who can be disposed of which means I’m in even greater danger from this loon than the Doctor is. I hope that that’s the last we’ve seen of the little maniac because I don’t fancy meeting my end at the hands of a nine year old kid.

Rose looked up as the Doctor strolled into the den carrying a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream.

“You gave me quite a craving for this today, Rose,” he said walking up to her. “Can’t go wrong with chocolate chip ice cream, glad you thought of it.”

He walked around to her laptop, bent down and ate his ice cream as he read her entry. He got to the end of it and giggled.

“Dorkshire, yeah, I love that. Suits the little brat perfectly. I’m so glad my brilliant mind came up with it. And as for you being in danger, I wouldn’t worry, Rose. The little git doesn’t stand a chance against me. You have absolutely nothing to fear.”

He spooned some ice cream into his mouth and munched on it.

“So,” he said through the mouthful of ice cream. “What do you blog about besides what goes on in our lives?”

Rose shrugged.

“That’s it, really, just what happens on the TARDIS.”

The Doctor took another bite of ice cream and gestured at the screen with his spoon.

“Ever make up any stories?” he asked.

“Oi!” Rose said moving her laptop away. “You’re dripping milk on my keyboard! And what do you mean by stories?”

“Well, I was surfing the net and I came upon this thing called fanfiction. Veeeeeeery interesting stuff, apparently people make up stories based on movies and TV shows and other things. I read this one Star Wars fanfic where Princess Leia had hot sex with Han Solo, it was very interesting, so I wondered if you made up any stories about us that I could read.”

“You mean, sex stories about you and me?”

“Well, I was meaning any kind of story, but yeah, you got some steamy Doctor and Rose porn in this blog somewhere?”


The Doctor’s face fell.

“Could you make some up?” he asked hopefully.

“You want me to write you a porno story?”

The Doctor nodded his head vigorously.


“Because I’m bored. That’s why I started reading that fanfiction and I just got in the mood for a good smut story about us, so get to work writing it, Rose and I’ll give you a big reward in return!”

“Doctor, why don’t you write it? You’re the one with that complicated fantasy life about being the banana daiquiri CEO and I’m your secretary. You mentioned you had sex with me in your fantasy so why don’t you write something?”

She knew she said the wrong thing when the Doctor’s eyes lit up.

“Oooo, I could, couldn’t I? I could write you a story and perhaps you could write me one in return and we could both have a laugh! How about that?”

“Um, I guess we could do that…”

She jumped when the Doctor let out a delighted whoop.

“I’ll get started on mine right now!” he said running off.

Rose watched as he ran out of the den screaming “YIPEEEEEEEEEE!” at the top of his lungs.

“Oh Lord, I hate to think what his story is gonna be like. I think I just agreed to the wrong thing,” Rose muttered as she closed her laptop.

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