Chapter Thirteen

Rose’s Blog Entry No. 68…

As you’ve probably guessed by now, the Doctor is an extremely complex man. On the one hand, he’s extremely smart, resourceful and brave. He can out-think the average person without even breaking a sweat and he’ll charge headlong into a battle without any thought for life or limb.

But, there’s another side to him. A childish side. Given the chance, he will tell anyone within earshot how superior he is to everyone else. But, I swear to God, the man acts like such a kid sometimes. Like earlier today, for instance. The TARDIS was flying through the vortex, the Doctor was making repairs, and I decided to lay down for a nap. I had just woken up from it when…

Rose gasped when she felt the TARDIS land.

“Doctor?” she yelled. “What’s going on? Why have we landed?”

There was no response, so Rose hurried out of the room in search of him. She reached the console room just in time to see the Doctor closing the front door behind him.

“Doctor!” Rose yelled, running to it.

She flung open the door half-expecting to see a bloody battle raging in front of her. Instead, she watched while the Doctor ran across the street to a McDonalds.

“Get a sudden Big Mac attack, Doctor?” she muttered.

Closing the door, she followed him.

By the time she got inside the McDonalds, the Doctor was in line with one person standing between him and the teenager behind the counter. Rose got in line behind him, watching while he bounced up and down impatiently.

“Come on, come on, gotta get back before Rose wakes up,” he said to himself.

Rose’s eyes narrowed. Folding her arms over her chest, she watched while the man in front of him got his food and went to find somewhere to sit. The Doctor walked to the counter.

“May I help you, sir?” the teen said.

“Yes, I’d like a Big Mac meal with a coke and…”

He leaned in.

“What Teeny Beanie Baby do you have this week?” he said.

Rose blinked. She watched, shocked, while the teen reached under the counter, brought out a small plastic bag, and looked at the Beanie Baby inside.

“Um…the elephant,” he said, showing him the bag.

The Doctor beamed.


Rose glanced around and noticed that several people were giving the Doctor odd looks. She looked at the teen and noticed he looked like he wanted to sink through the floor.

“Um…does that mean you want it?” the teen said.

“Yes, I want it. I want the Big Mac meal and Peanut, to go.”

“Do you want the kid’s meal as well?”

The Doctor gave him a patronizing look.

“Of course not, I’m not a kid, am I?”

“Um, no…you’re not.”

Rose rolled her eyes while the teen opened a sack and waited on his order. While he did that, the Doctor studied a banner hanging from the wall, looking at the Teeny Beanie Babies pictured on it.

“Have that one,” he muttered to himself, “have that one, have that one, have that one…Oh!”

He clicked his fingers trying to get the teen’s attention. The man walked back to the counter.

“Yes, sir?”

“Do you have Chocolate the Moose too?” the Doctor said.

The teen gave him an odd look.

“No, sir,” he said.

“Well, when are you gonna have him? Or, did you already have him?”

“We already had him.”

“When? How long ago?”

The teen sighed.

“Three weeks ago, sir.”

“Ah, so what you’re telling me is if I go back in time three weeks from this exact point, I will be able to get Chocolate the Moose?”

Rose groaned and put her head in her hand when the teen’s eyes grew almost as wide as his face. She looked through her fingers and noticed the man was looking at the Doctor as if he were a serial killer about to slit his throat.

“I…I guess so, sir,” he said.

The Doctor grinned.

“Brilliant! I’ll do that then.”

The teen nodded, backed up, and quickly grabbed his food. Rose looked around, ran behind a partition, and ducked down while the Doctor paid the teen, thanked him, and grabbed the bag. She waited until he was out the door before going out. As she walked across the street, she noticed the Doctor had the plastic bag in his hand and was staring at the Beanie Baby as if it were a religious relic.

Reaching the front door, she opened it just enough to stick her head in. The Doctor had set the sack of food on the captain’s chair and was standing by the console, still staring at the elephant. She heard him let out a contented sigh.

“Ah, finally got Peanut. Now I just have to go back and get Chocolate and I can scratch two more Beanies off my list.

Rose stepped inside, waited a moment, and then slammed the door hard. The Doctor jumped several feet in the air, spun around and stared at her with an, “Oh, Shit,” face.

“Rose,” he said, bringing himself up to his full height and quickly hiding the bag behind his back. “I didn’t realize you were awake.”

“Hungry, were ya?”

The Doctor nodded his head so forcefully, Rose expected it to fly off and roll across the grating.

“Yeah, I felt a bit peckish. You know how it is; you get those fast food cravings at odd hours of the day. I would have asked you to come along if I knew you were awake. But, you know, you’re welcome to half of my chips.”

Rose snorted.

“Somehow, I don’t think it’s the food you were craving.”

The Doctor tried to look innocent.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Rose.”

“I’m talking about you standing in the middle of bleedin’ McDonalds screaming about how you didn’t have Peanut the bleedin’ elephant and almost having an orgasm right in front of everyone because you finally got the thing.”

The Doctor brought his hand around and held the bag up.

“For your information, Ms. Tyler, these are highly collectible items. According to Beanies Galore, the definitive Beanie Baby price guide, Peanut and Chocolate Teeny Beanie Babies are worth a lot of money and are highly sought after. I have been searching for both for a long time, so excuse me for being extremely joyful at having found them.”

“And…you’re how old again?”

The Doctor raised his chin.

“Beanie Babies are not just for kids. I’ll have you know that my Beanie Baby collection is quite extensive. I have large, medium, small, and teeny Beanie Babies filling up a special room on this TARDIS. And…it’s only one of several things I collect. I also collect stamps, rare coins, picture postcards, travel brochures, rare 45’s, comic books and Hummel figurines. In addition, I have recently begun collecting Smurfs. Although, at the moment, I only have a stuffed Smurfette, a box of Smurf cereal from the 1980’s and a couple of those little plastic figures, a nurse Smurfette, and a rock Smurf. It’s not much at the moment, but it is a start.”

“Doctor, sometimes, you really, really scare me.”

“Why? Because I collect things? I notice you have more shoes than Imelda Marcos, but do you see me complain? Nooooooooooo. I don’t say a word because I respect your shoe fetish, even though it does take up precious space in my TARDIS that could be used for other things…like Beanie Babies. But see, even though I would love to throw your shoes out into the vortex and build a huge lighted case for my Princess Diana bear in their place, I won’t do it, because I respect your right to own piles and piles of shoes you’ll probably never wear. Now, do me the same courtesy and don’t badger me ‘bout my Beanies.”

“I’ll be in my room, Doctor. Enjoy your stuffed elephant,” Rose said, walking past him.

“Peanut, Rose, his name’s Peanut. All Beanie Babies have proper names.”

Rose held up her hand and walked out of the room.

And there you have it, the superior Time Lord alien boy likes to squee over Beanie Babies as if he’s a six-year-old girl. I suppose he goes into his Beanie Baby room every so often so he can roll around in them and moan and groan. And yes, if you're wondering, the man did go back in time right after this incident and got the bleedin’ moose for his collection. And when he did hold it in his grubby hands, you’d have thought he’d won the lottery or something. He was so chuffed about getting it, I’m surprised he didn’t tear open the bag and snog the thing, then and there. I suppose now that I know his dirty little secret, I will be sent out on Beanie Baby runs, getting him stuffed unicorns and butterflies while he stands in front of his other toys and wanks off. I…

Ahem. I am currently looking over your shoulder, Rose. I came in here to show you one of my favorite Beanies. A little lavender bear with little red roses all over it, instead I find you sitting in the den with your laptop, making crude comments about my hobby and insinuating I masturbate in front of my large and varied collection. Just for that, Rose, your shoes will be jettisoned and I will stand at the door, an enormous grin on my face, while I watch the time winds slowly turn them all to dust. Do not mock me and my Beanies, Rose. I have been angered and now your precious footwear will pay the price for your heinous libel. Now I will stop typing, so I can begin gathering up your high heels for evacuation. And do not try to stop me, you were given a warning and as you know, one warning is all you get. So wave bye bye, Rose, because your pumps are about to get dumped.

P.S. Time Lords rule, humans drool. Hee, hee.

P.S.S. Beanie Babies rule!

P.S.S.S. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Okay, I’m going now. Ta-ta.


The Doctor a.k.a. The Oncoming Storm a.k.a The Shoe Executioner.

Sigh. Sorry about that, that was the little infant showing everyone just how old he really is. Now, I suppose I better go and lock my room before the Doctor really does start throwing my shoes out the door. So, until next time, this is Rose signing off.

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