Chapter Fourteen

Rose’s Blog Entry No. 70…

Me again. I’m sitting here typing because the Doctor is currently in the console room cursing and screaming at the top of his lungs. Why is he doing that? Well, earlier in the day, we picked up a distress signal on the TARDIS monitor and the Doctor, being the Doctor decided to follow it and lend assistance to whoever needed help. So, we tracked the signal, landed and…

“Be careful, Rose,” the Doctor said, as they hurried to the front door. “Be ready for anything.”

Rose nodded. They reached the front door and the Doctor held his hand up while he slowly opened the front door and peeked out.

“Oh, my God,” she heard him say.

“What is it?” Rose asked.

The Doctor looked at her.

“Come on, Rose, we haven’t a moment to lose!”

The Doctor opened the door and ran out. Rose followed him and stopped short. The TARDIS had landed at the top of a hill. At the bottom of it was a huge nuclear warhead that was just about to take off. Rose sped after the Doctor who was now at the bottom of the hill and running full speed towards the missile.

“I don’t know who this is intended for, but I’m going to stop it!” he said when Rose caught up to him.

He whipped out his sonic screwdriver, found a sealed hatch on the side of the warhead and used the screwdriver to open it.

“Stand back, Rose, I need to disable the circuitry before the missile launches and it’s going to be delicate work!”

Rose nodded and stepped back. She glanced nervously up at the warhead, praying it wouldn’t explode or take off while they were standing there. The Doctor managed to loosen the hatch and paused a moment before he flung it open.

He stared at the opening.

“What the…” Rose heard him say.

“What’s wrong, Doctor?”

“There’s nothing inside, that’s what’s wrong. It’s empty.”

He stuck his head and shoulders into the hole.

“Nothing at all,” she heard him say. “It’s just an empty shell. Why would someone build an empty missile, set it in a field and pretend to launch it?”

Rose only half heard him. Her attention was riveted to the inside of the hatch door. Affixed to it was a small black tape recorder. On the front of it was a little post-it note that had the words, PLAY ME, written on it with a crudely drawn arrow pointing to the play button on the side. She walked up and pushed the play button.

“Greetings, Doctor.”

The Doctor leaned back out enough to look at where the voice was coming from.

“By now, you have probably opened the hatch door and are searching for the way to stop the missile,” the voice said.

The Doctor frowned.

“Who is this? That voice sounds familiar,” he muttered.

“Well, my dear Doctor, let me assure you that the missile is a dummy. There is no nuclear warhead aboard it.”

“Okay, that sets my mind at ease about that, now how about who you are and what your purpose is,” the Doctor muttered.

“You might be wondering who this is, Doctor. Well, I will satisfy your curiosity. It is I, Reginald Dortshire the third.”

“Oh, bloody hell!” the Doctor yelled. “Not this bratty little delinquent again!”

“This missile isn’t for destroying planets. It’s to catch you!”

“Me?” the Doctor said.

“Yes, you. You see, there is something contained within this missile, Doctor. A very powerful suction system that will pull you in and capture you. Then, once you are aboard, the hatch will close, the missile will launch and carry you back home where you will be mine at last. I will have my birthday present, one way or another. So, have a pleasant journey while my trap brings you home to me. Goodbye.”

Rose gasped when she heard a sound like an enormous vacuum cleaner start up inside the missile. The Doctor screamed as he was instantly pulled into the hole.

“Doctor!” Rose screamed as she lunged at his body.

She grabbed a hold of his hips and pulled with all her might as the Doctor planted his one free hand on the side of the hole and tried to prevent himself from going all the way in. Rose gasped as she struggled against the powerful suction that was pulling the Doctor inside the trap.

“Rose! Pull harder!” she heard the Doctor scream.

Rose wrapped herself around the Doctor’s body, planted one foot on the missile and with a groan pulled with everything she had. Finally, after a few moments, the Doctor slid back out of the hole and landed on his stomach in front of the missile.

“Come on, Doctor, before it pulls you back in,” Rose said.

Both of them scrambled to their feet and ran back towards the TARDIS.


Rose spun around and saw the Doctor standing about a foot behind her staring at his right hand.

“My sonic screwdriver!” he said panicked. “It was sucked into the missile! He’s got my sonic screwdriver!”

“Doctor, no!” Rose said, as he started to run back.

“I have to get my sonic…”

He trailed off when the hatch door slammed and the engines fired. Rose grabbed him and pulled him backwards as the missile began to take off.

“MY SONIC SCREWDRIVER!” the Doctor screamed as it rose into the air.

He let out an enraged yell as the missile climbed higher and higher in the sky.

“DAMN YOU, REGINALD DORTSHIRE THE THIRD! I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS!” he yelled, waving his fist in the air.

And so, once again, the brat from Hell tried to trap the Doctor and make him his birthday present. Needless to say, the Doctor is extremely angry at the loss of his sonic screwdriver. He’s been ranting and raving since we got back into the TARDIS and judging from what he just screamed out two seconds ago, it’s extremely time consuming to make a new sonic screwdriver, not to mention all the parts he needs to locate to assemble it, damn it. (His words.)

Oh, and now he’s ranting about how he wished he had got sucked into the missile, so he could turn him over his knee and whip that spoiled monster to within an inch of his life. Mind you, this is pretty much what he’s been screaming since the TARDIS got back into the vortex, which is why I’m staying in here far away from him until he calms down and…

“I swear, Rose, that child will pay!”

Ooops, spoke too soon, now he’s brought the rant in here…

The Doctor stomped over to Rose.

“That egotistical little brat has become the bane of my existence!” he said, pointing back to the door.

Rose sighed.

“Doctor, quit being so dramatic. It’s just a sonic screwdriver.”

“No, it’s not just a sonic screwdriver. It’s MY sonic screwdriver and that little hellion has it in his possession!” the Doctor snarled. “It’ll take me hours to construct another one. Hours that are better spent going out and exploring somewhere! Right now, I’m hoping we run into him again because I’m gonna wrench my screwdriver out of his grubby little hands and shove it into an unpleasant place on his body! And don’t think I won’t, Rose, because I will! And you know right at this moment he is sitting there, overjoyed, playing with my property and gloating about how he got it and next he’ll get me. He’s doing that, Rose, I know he is!”

Rose sighed.

“Doctor, just please calm down and think this through, yeah? He didn’t get you and that’s the most important thing…”

She grunted when the Doctor slammed his body down next to hers on the sofa, seized her laptop and began to type.

I don’t know what Rose has been typing, but I’m pretty sure it was about Dorkshire, so I’m just going to add to her blog. I, the Doctor, vow here and now that I will not rest until Reginald Dortshire the third is put out of commission. Him and his fabulously wealthy daddy can go deep down to the furthest reaches of the netherworld and burn for all eternity as far as I’m concerned. I will get my revenge on that snot nosed kid if it takes me the rest of my lives to do it! Anyone who takes any of my possessions is going down and down hard! If the little demon child ever pulls another stunt like the one he did today, I will hunt him down, nail him inside a box, wrap it and put a big bow on it! Then, the little hellcat can see what being a birthday present is really like!

And now, because I need a cathartic release so I don’t go berserk and strangle Rose, I will type the following therapeutic sentence into this blog, so I can finally calm down at last…


There, that felt tons better. I’m calming down already. See, sometimes it helps to get your feelings out in the open where you can deal with them. Aaaah, and now that I am finally getting my equilibrium back, I suppose I will start gathering up the parts for another screwdriver. And so, I will turn this blog back over to its rightful owner, cheers!


The thoroughly pissed off, but rapidly calming down Doctor.

The Doctor patted Rose on the head and with a sigh, rose from the sofa and walked out the door whistling a merry tune. Rose sat there quietly, utterly gobsmacked at the 180 degree change in his mood. Shaking her head, she closed the laptop and turned on the TV.

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