Chapter Fifteen

The Doctor, as you might have guessed, is an extremely manic person. As far as I know he doesn't take any drugs and limits himself to coffee and tea. However, I finally got the chance to see what happens if the Doctor ever did take drugs or had a bit too much caffeine. Now first off let me say that both times he was completely innocent, however, the results were very eye opening. First was the caffeine incident. We were visiting New York City in 1988 when we decided to go into Macy's have a look around. Once inside, I went to do a bit of clothes shopping while the Doctor told me he was going to have a dekko at the electronics. Little did I know there was some lady offering free samples of Jolt Cola, a soft drink with twice the amount of caffeine of normal soft drinks or so the ads claim. The way I understand it, the Doctor took a small sample from the lady, drank from a thimble-full cap of the soft drink and asked where they were selling it. Then, he got a couple of sandwiches with a couple of cans of Jolt Cola and had a little lunch while I was looking through the clothes. Then about a half hour later, I decided to go look for him.

"Doctor?" Rose said when she finally found the electronics section. "Are you here? Doctor? I'm done looking at the clothes."

She looked all around for him and was finally forced to make inquiries about a tall, thin man in a brown pin-striped suit. No one had seen him so Rose finally move out of the electronics department, muttering to herself about how sometimes the Doctor needed a bell around his neck.

Suddenly, she heard a woman's scream in the distance and she groaned.

"I'm willing to be the Doctor is where that woman is," she moaned as she ran off towards the sound of the voice.

Her suspicions were confirmed the closer she got to where the woman had screamed because now she could hear the Doctor ranting and raving about something, his voice high-pitched and his words tumbling together. She picked up speed when she heard people screaming for security.

Then she turned a corner and there he was, in the grocery section, pulling at people and telling them to stop and try some drink he just had. The people were obviously trying to get away from the madman as he ran to and fro trying to get people to listen to him about something called Jolt Cola. Rose sighed and walked over to him. The moment the Doctor saw her, he froze and his eyes bugged out as a huge dopey grin spread over his face.


Rose blinked. He was talking rapidly, almost faster than his mouth could form the words. He had a more manic look than usual and he was tugging on Rose's arm like a two year old.

"GOTTA TRY IT! IT'S FANTASTIC!" he bellowed in a loud voice that made Rose flinch since she was now inches away from him. "COME ON! FOLLOW ME! GOTTA TRY IT!"

"Doctor, put a sock in it!" Rose said, jerking on his arm. "You're gonna get kicked out of the store and maybe even arrested. You don't have to be so bloody loud!"

Rose was shocked when the Doctor replied by rapidly saying something that she could barely make out. He took no breath, paused for no punctuation, just a steady stream of words that sounded mostly like unintelligible babble to her but she got the gist of it which was he was excited and when he got excited he couldn't control the volume of his voice but that was about all she got out of the two minute ramble that sounded as if he had been hooked up to an IV bag filled with speed.

Then to her horror, two big burly security guards were approaching them. Rose tugged hard on the Doctor's arm, urging him to run before they ended up in prison.

"OW! STOP THAT!" the Doctor bellowed in her face.

"Doctor, security guards, ya wanna get arrested? Let's…go!" Rose muttered to him through clenched teeth.

The Doctor finally snapped out of his caffeine high long enough to process that they were about to be arrested. Rose grimaced when he let out a high-pitched shriek and she gasped when he almost knocked her on her ass as he hurried past her towards the front entrance of Macy's.

"I AM THE ONCOMING STORM! I CANNOT BE TOUCHED! YOU'LL NEVER HAVE ME, PIGGIES!" the Doctor bellowed back to them as he ran.

Well, unfortunately for the Doctor, the "Piggies" had extra pigs stationed at all exits and the Oncoming Storm spent a night in jail. Unfortunately for me, I couldn't ring mum so I had to wait in the TARDIS the whole night until the next morning when they finally let a very sober and embarrassed Doctor out of prison. But as embarrassing at that was, it was nothing compared to the time we were kidnapped and a bunch of aliens drugged the Doctor up as part of an experiment to see what his body could withstand. I managed to rescue him along with the help of a few alien friends I made there but the Doctor once again was high and needed time to recover. I decided to put him in the living room with me while I watched the telly. I have no idea what the bastards gave him but it was more than one drug and all of it was pretty potent stuff. So anyway, I was sat there watching a quiz show when suddenly this weird baritone mooing sound came out of the Doctor's mouth. Sorta like this…maaaaaaaaa! Very demonic sounding so I got up and checked to make sure he was alright…

"Doctor? You okay?" Rose said.

She watched silently while the Doctor slowly tilted his head back and then just stared at the ceiling from that vantage point.

"Look up there, a hole in the ceiling," he said in an awed tone of voice. "And it's moving all around, look…"

He was moving his hand trying to show Rose where the hole was going but he did a double take and started watching his hand. He leaned his head back up and moved his hand slowly in front of his face while Rose sat down on the end of the sofa and watched him worriedly.

"Rose, everytime I move my hand, it leaves vapor trails, how is it doing that?" he said as he watched his hand.

"Doctor, do you know what they gave you?" Rose asked.

"Oooooooh, lots of thiiiiiiings," the Doctor said, drawing out his words. "Droxidrine, Nonaltill, Somulex and Ricid, all highly potent druuuuuugs-ah. Rose, if I move my hand fast enough, I can write words in the air with the vapor trails from my hand."

Rose watched as he waved his arm around, forming words that only he could see while his mouth hung open in amazement. Rose figured there was really nothing she could do for him except watch to make sure he was safe so she went back to watching her program. She could see out of the corner of her eye that the Doctor was still playing with his hand and she sighed, hoping the drugs would wear off soon.


Rose nearly jumped out of her skin when the Doctor suddenly screamed. She turned her head and saw the Doctor gripping the arms of the chair as he stared at something in front of him.

"I shall never give you the secret!" he said to the imaginary person in front of him. "You won't get that information even if you rip my testicles off and use them for maracas!"

"Rip your testicles off?" Rose muttered to herself.

She jerked her head around when the Doctor suddenly lunged out of his chair.

"I will never give you the secret. You can't make me and I'll go to my death before I tell you!"

His eyes started following something only he could see and Rose watched while the Doctor turned and walked over to the wall.

"I'll never tell you, ya hear?" he screamed at the wall. "I prefer death to disclosure!" Hear that?"

"Yes, Doctor, good thing we're in the TARDIS because I'm sure people within a five mile radius could hear you right now," Rose muttered under her breath.

She raised her eyebrow when the Doctor suddenly stomped around in a circle as he chanted repeatedly, "Death before disclosure!" Rose shook her head sadly and tried to turn her attention back to the program while the Doctor marched and chanted. She finally managed to get her attention back on the program so at first she wasn't aware the Doctor stopped chanting till she noticed the silence, looked over and saw him sitting back in the chair, staring straight ahead at nothing. She checked to make sure he was still breathing and then watched her program.


Rose looked at the Doctor.


"I wonder if you open your eyes wide enough, will they eventually pop out of your skull?" he said to her.

Before Rose could answer, the Doctor widened his eyes until he looked like he was in shock. Then he widened them even more and then Rose could actually see him straining to get them even wider.

"Doctor, don't you think you should stop before your eyes pop out and you can't see?" Rose said.

The Doctor looked at her with his wide eyes and Rose had to fight to keep from laughing at the over-shocked expression on his face. Then he relaxed his face and his eyelids went back to their normal at-rest position.

"Yeah, you're right, I don't feel like chasing my eyeballs all over the TARDIS," he said.

He fell silent again and Rose went back to watching her show wondering when the effects of the drugs were going to wear off.


Rose looked over at the Doctor when he spoke.

"Farfool," he said again.

"What's that mean?" Rose said.

"Dunno, just sounds good to my ears. Farfool, farfool, farfooooooooooo..."

Rose watched while the Doctor dragged out the oo sound for about thirty seconds before completing the word and falling silent again.

"Mungo," he said after a couple of minutes of silence. "Mungo, Mungoooooooo…"

Rose went back to watching her program. Then suddenly, she saw the Doctor walk in front of her. He came over to her side, plopped down and stared at her. Rose stared back, waiting for him to say something.

"I don't appreciate you enough," he finally said.

Rose was speechless. She didn't know how to answer that but she didn't have to wait long for the Doctor to speak again.

"You have saved me in so many ways and I'll be forever grateful to you, Rose."

"Um…thank you," Rose said, feeling her heart melt.

"You have saved me," he repeated. "My Rose…saved me…"

Rose fought to keep from crying at that as the Doctor trailed off. Then she was shocked when once again he screamed out, "MUNGOOOOOOOOOO…" Rose sighed and shook her head but she looked down and her heart melted again when the Doctor took her hand, put it against his right heart, opened his mouth and plopped his thumb into it. Rose sat with the Doctor and watched TV while he sucked his thumb and held her hand against his chest."

So that went on for about an hour until mercifully the Doctor finally nodded off and slept off the last of the effects of the drugs. I figured when he finally came to he would be embarrassed at his behavior but he doesn't seem to remember much about what he said and did and maybe that's a good thing because I'm sure if he ever did find out he'd be mortified.

This is the Doctor. I actually didn't know what I did but thanks to Blabberbum and her need to blog, I now have full knowledge of my activities. Nice to know that she's documenting this and saving it for all time. I happened to walk past and saw her typing and since she's said some revealing things about me in the past, I thought I'd take a look over her shoulder. And it's been quite an eyeful. Thanks, Tyler, glad you have chosen to keep my night of embarrassment permanently enshrined on cyberspace. I'll be sure to take some revealing photos of you when you're in the shower and post them to Mysite when you're not looking or perhaps even Faceblog.

It's me again, it's Myspace and Facebook, Computer Whiz, before you go off on a rant, check your facts about the names of things on cyberspace.

This is the Doctor. I don't care what they're called because I don't waste my time with them. But I swear, Rose Tyler, if the info on this blog of yours ends up on the web where millions can see, up go the nudie pics to Fartbox or whatever the hell it's called and I'll have my sweet revenge. REVENGE, I TELL YA! I RULE AND YOU DROOL.

Anyway, the maniac is gone and I'll be erasing that pointless bit of ranting. Until next time, this is Rose signing off.

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