Chapter Eighteen

Now it's a fact that the Doctor is incredibly old. He tells me he's past nine hundred years old (but sometimes I wonder if he's being truthful.) I haven't been with him for very long but I notice that he gets incredibly bored at times and comes up with insane things to do to entertain himself. And wouldn't you know it, I usually get dragged along. (I s'pose it's because I'm his companion and I have to assist him, no matter how daft the task.)

Case in point…

Rose sat on the sofa in the living room reading Twilight for the fourth time. It was a slow day and she decided to reread the book to stave off the boredom. As she read, she felt a tap on her shoulder and looked up to see the Doctor standing behind her. He was carrying a small organ grinder and was wearing a red and white striped shirt, straw hat, white vest and white trousers. He also had on an enormous fake handlebar mustache. Rose stared at him with a mixture of shock and confusion.

"O…kay," Rose finally said.

The Doctor walked around the sofa, stood in front of her, sat the organ grinder down and began to turn the crank. Rose grimaced when he loudly sang Bad Romance as the organ grinder churned out a tinny polka tune. When he finally stopped his caterwauling, he grinned a cheesy grin at Rose as the room fell silent once more.

"Um…dare I ask what all this is?" she said, pointing to the organ grinder.

"This is a little game I like to play from time to time. It's called Make My Mark On History. I dress up in a naff costume and do something so outrageous, it's sure to get a mention in the history books. Coming?"

"Coming where?"

"Hither and thither. I go all over history and act like a fool and then look myself up later. Coming?"

"Do I have a choice?" Rose said.

"Well, you can sit here reading…Twilight," the Doctor said, glancing down at the book, "and miss out on splendiferous fun or you can come with me."

Rose stared at the outfit and the organ grinder. A sick, perverted curiosity overwhelmed her and she stood up.

"Yeah, I wanna see this," she said.

"Brilliant. Follow little old moi, then!"

He grabbed the organ grinder and Rose followed back to the console room.

"Pick a historical event, any event you can think of," the Doctor said to Rose.

"Um…well…the beheading of Anne Boleyn then," Rose said.

"On our way," the Doctor said, punching a few buttons and switches.

May 19th, 1536…

"Anne Boleyn," the priest said to the condemned as she knelt in front of the chopping block. "You have been accused of treason and condemned to have your head cut off. And may God have mercy upon…"

The priest trailed off when he heard a loud wheezing near the chopping block. His mouth dropped open when a blue box appeared out of nowhere. Everyone stared at it in shock. Then the front door opened and a strange man and lady stepped out of it. The man had a weird looking box with a handle on the side and little legs underneath it. He sat it down and turned the crank. Polka music filled the air while the man sang loudly about having a bad romance and being a freak bitch, baby. The woman behind him was blushing and trying to hide behind the man. He finished his song after one minute, thanked everyone, walked back into the box and everyone gasped when it disappeared from sight.

"Um…" the priest said. "I think I need a lie down now. Can we delay the exection?"

"See?" the Doctor said as the TARDIS flew into the vortex.

"You are completely bonkers!" Rose said. "I can't believe I went out there with ya!"

"Aw, come on, you loved it. See, now we can look ourselves up later on. But first, another historical event or time or place."

Rose couldn't help but giggle at the Doctor's enthusiasm.

"Um…cavemen days…sometime during the cavemen days."

"Done," the Doctor said.

10,000 B.C…

The two Neanderthals made their way through the blistering snowstorm in search of prey. They were short and squat with prominent foreheads and big noses. Each one was wearing an anima skin and fur boots and they slogged through the snow.

Suddenly, they let out a startled yell when a blue box appeared in front of them. A man stepped outside, put a strange box down in the snow and turned a crank while he sang about Friday being the day after Thursday. A woman watched from the door, trying not to laugh at the slack jawed look on the cavemen's faces. The man stopped singing after a minute and without so much as a goodbye, turned and went back inside. The cavemen yelled in surprise when the box wheezed and disappeared from sight.

Rose giggled uncontrollably while the Doctor gave her a cheeky grin.

"See, fun," he said.

"Yeah, it is hilarious seeing the reactions on people's faces."

"I knew you'd like it. More then?"

"Well…" Rose said, thinking.

June 15, 1215…

King John let out a weary sigh as he bent over the sheet of paper and prepared to sign the document the nobles were calling the Magna Carta. The disgruntled nobles were gathered around him, glaring at him, impatient for him to sign it. He was about to sign his name when suddenly he heard a wheezing sound behind him. He whirled around and the nobles went for their swords when a blue box appeared out of nowhere. Then a man came out, set a box on legs on the ground before him and turned the crank, singing loudly about someone named Macarena while a woman giggled from the doorway.

"Good luck with the signing," the man said after singing.

He and the girl ran inside and everyone stared at the box in astonishment while it faded from view.

July 14, 1862…

"Oh Abe," Mrs. Lincoln purred as her husband lay beside her in their bed inside the White House, "that was the best sex I ever…"

She trailed off when they heard a wheezing and she and Abe Lincoln stared in shock as a blue box appeared at the foot of their bed. The doors opened, a man jumped out and began to work an organ grinder while he sang a song called Do Ya Think I'm Sexy.

"Good luck with the Civil War, Honest Abe," he said after a few minute's singing and he and a woman ran back into the box, closed the door and the box vanished from view.

Rose bent over laughing as the Doctor took the TARDIS into the vortex.

"Only you could get away with singing to Abe Lincoln and his wife while they were naked in bed together," Rose said.

"Come on; come on, more, more! I need more places!" The Doctor urged.

"Wait a tic, I want to think up something really good," Rose said.

"Ah. Well, while you're thinking…"

He began to play the organ grinder and sang Tik Tok to her while she giggled.

"That's not helping me think, you know," Rose said.

"No? I sometimes find a little tune helps with the thinking process but no matter," he said as he stopped playing. "Come on, more, more!"

Rose laughed and thought while the Doctor waited for her to come up with more places they could go to.

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