Chapter Twenty

One of the reasons why I love the Doctor so much is because he does everything in his power to try to cheer me up when I'm sad. There are many times when terrible things happen and it affects me more than it does him so he takes it upon himself to make an ass of himself in order to get me to laugh. Course sometimes the teasing and cheering up takes me by surprise because there are many times when he's completely serious. I s'pose that's what makes the silliness that much more hilarious. Take for instance the other day…

The Doctor closed the door and watched as Rose slowly walked up the ramp with her heart in her feet. They had just saved Planet Sacrafious but they lost their new friend and ally when the alien woman jumped in front of Rose and took a laser blast in order to save her life. Rose and the woman had grown close in the short time they knew each other and the Doctor could see Rose was taking the woman's death hard.

"Rose? Are you going to be okay?" the Doctor said.

"Yeah, I…just wanna be alone for awhile," Rose said as she walked towards the back door.

The Doctor nodded. He watched with heavy hearts while Rose left the room. Sighing, he walked to the console and took the TARDIS into the vortex.

I stayed like that for a week. The Doctor allowed me to grieve for Layla but it got to the point where I didn't feel like doing anything and I stayed in the living room watching TV for most of the day and the Doctor decided I needed a bit of cheering up before I slipped completely into depression. The Doctor decided a bit of silliness might lift my spirits so he took it upon himself to be a clown and come give me a smile…

Rose lay on the sofa, watching some sort of alien home shopping network. Nothing else was on so she was resigned to watching some alien selling some sort of electronic device. She really didn't care about what was on really. She just wanted the distraction. Her eyes flicked to the door when the Doctor entered the room. She watched while the Doctor walked over to the TV, got in front of it and jerked his head down until his eyes were inches from the screen. Rose raised her eyebrow when the Doctor stayed that way, watching the screen with his butt sticking out.

"I want one," the Doctor said, pointing to the device. "I would like a hooba booba but I haven't the credits. Perhaps if I sent in a kidney, they'd accept a down payment."

Rose frowned, not quite sure what to say to that.

"Um…don't sell your kidney," she said hesitantly.

"No?" the Doctor said, straightening up and turning to look at her. "Perhaps a lung then or one of my penises."

Rose blinked in shock but the Doctor nonchalantly shrugged and strode towards the door while Rose tried to imagine the Doctor with two penises. While she was mulling over that image, the Doctor stuck his head back in the room.

"Frosia," he said to her.

"I'm sorry?" Rose said.

The Doctor stuck his head back out the door.

"Frosia? What the hell does Frosia mean?" Rose muttered.

She mentally shrugged and turned her attention back to the TV. Now the alien lady was selling a bronze necklace with some gaudy blue diamond as a pendant.

"Frosia?" the Doctor said, coming back into the room. "Mum shana delort?"

"What?" Rose said.

"Mum shana delort. Pugga poo," he said, coming up to her side.

"What does that mean?"

"Pugga poo? La shant delos."

"Doctor, I don't understand ya," Rose said.

The Doctor frowned. Rose was shocked when he started fiddling with his crotch.

"How about that?" he said to her after he finished fondling his balls.

"Um, I understand that, yeah," Rose said.

"Sorry, the translator chip inside my genitals must be on the fritz. Had to adjust the genitalia so you could understand me."

"You have a translator chip inside your balls?" Rose said.

"Yeah, had it installed so I could have a permanent link to the TARDIS translator circuits. But that was centuries ago and sometimes the old thing mugwa don denoch plat."

"I can't understand you now," Rose said.

She watched while the Doctor fondled himself again, titillated at the sight of him adjusting himself.

"How about now?" the Doctor said when he finished.

"Um, yeah, I understand you now."

"Good. Anywhooooo. What rubbish is this?" the Doctor said, pointing to the TV screen.

"Some shopping program. I'm not really watching it," Rose said with a shrug.

"Oh, the Venusian Shopping Emporium. I once put Romana up for sale on here."


"Oh a companion that got out of line. She became incorrigible and I had to sell her for credits," the Doctor said nonchalantly. "I believe I brought an ice cream with my profits."

"You sold a companion on a shopping program?" Rose said.

"Several actually. The arseholes get sold, that's one of my mottos," the Doctor said. "When I tired of their rebellious behavior, I sell them for credits. One of my rules is don't irritate me to the point of you ending up on the slave auction. Bit sad but then again, I'm not known for my compassion. Lucky for you, you haven't outlived your usefulness, keep it that way."

"You're full of shit, Doctor."

The Doctor raised his eyebrow and turned his head towards the TV screen.

"Come to think of it, I am running short of credits and I have a companion just lying about watching programs…hmm…"

"Don't try it, git!" Rose said.

"Yup, incorrigible gobby ones go to the auction block, that's my philosophy. They start behaving like jackasses, they end up in perpetual slavery. Been that way for centuries."

"Oh? What about Sarah Jane then?" Rose said. "Seems she escaped the auction block."

"That's because her mouth was constantly on my bum, kissing and worshipping it," the Doctor said absently while he watched the program. "I demand obedience and devotion from all who come through these doors. Come to think of it, you haven't worshipped me lately, human," the Doctor said, turning his attention back to her. "Explain yourself."

"You're not a god," Rose said.

"Au contraire, I've been worshipped on many planets by many people over many centuries. I've been spoiled by that and I've come to demand it from everyone. Sooooo…"

He paused and gave Rose a pointed look. Rose snorted and turned her head away from him and folded her arms across his chest.

"Yup, definitely time to put you up for auction," she heard the Doctor say.

"Do it then! See if I care!" Rose said, raising her chin.

She gasped when the Doctor's wet finger suddenly entered her ear canal and she jerked her head around and eyed him. The Doctor stuck his tongue out at her and put his hands behind his back while he studied her quietly. Then he turned on his heel and strode out of the room, hands behind back. Rose shook her head and turned her attention back to the TV. She settled down into the sofa and was watching the alien woman selling another electronic device when she saw the Doctor coming back into the room out of the corner of her eye.

"Not gonna worship ya if that's what you're here for!" she said aloud while she kept her eyes on the TV screen.

She kept on watching the TV screen while the Doctor came up to the side of the sofa.

"Wow, you can be oblivious when you want to be," the Doctor said to her.

Rose sighed. She turned her head and jerked her head back when she noticed the Doctor's trousers were gone and he was wearing bright blue boxers. She stared at the bulge in his pants, now only a foot from her face. The Doctor pointed to it.

"Translator chip in there," he said before putting his hand behind his back.

Rose fought to keep from laughing while Doctor stood there in his underwear watching her in complete seriousness. Suddenly, Rose burst out laughing and the Doctor smiled and put his hand on her head.

"There we go, sound I've been waiting to hear for a week now," he said.

"You really don't have a chip in your balls, do ya?"

"What do you think I am? Masochistic? Besides, each time I regenerate I'd have to get the chip reinstalled. Again, do you think I'm masochistic?"

"Why are you doing this?" Rose said.

"Because I miss the sound of your laughter. I miss your happy energy and your playful teasing. I miss you," he said. "I understand you are upset about Layla's death but laying here watching the telly isn't helping matters. You need to get up and move around before you start slitting your wrists. So I took it upon myself to cheer you up, including humiliating myself by appearing before you in my underwear."

"You're a boxers sort of chap?" Rose said.

"Yes. And now you know that. I miss you standing by my side in the console room. I gave you a week to grieve before I came back here. It's important to grieve but sometimes activity is better than just lying there like a vegetable drowning in your sorrow and guilt. I don't like seeing you this way, Rose. It's not like you."

"I'm sorry. I just felt so guilty for her death. I'm the reason she got shot."

"But that was her decision to take the laser blast. She cared enough about you to save your life. I realize you have survivor's guilt but sometimes you have to let it go before the guilt consumes you. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about."

"Gallifrey," Rose said.

"Yes. Gallifrey. You helped me deal with the guilt of that and helped me get over it so now I'm doing the same for you. Stand up."

"What happens if I don't? The auction block?" Rose teased.

"No, I will beat you on the back with a wet noodle until you wet yourself," the Doctor teased back, happy that their banter was returning. "Stand up, please."

Rose did as he asked and smiled when he embraced her and held her close. Rose closed his eyes and put her arms around him. Rose breathed in his scent and was comforted by it.

"I missed you being in the console room," the Doctor said as he held her. "It's been a year and a half and I've gotten used to your presence there. It felt strange when you were back here."

"I just got overwhelmed by Layla's death. I don't think I'll ever get used to people dying."

"Good. Because you shouldn't. The day you get used to people dying and show no reaction is the day I take you somewhere for a psych eval. You have a tender heart and that's one of the things I love about you. But a word of advice from me to you? Don't grieve alone, not when I'm here and we can rely on each other. Okay?"

"Yes," Rose said, trying not to cry.

"Feeling better?" the Doctor said.

"Yeah, tons better."


"NO!" Rose yelled back.

She laughed when the Doctor let out a melodramatic gasp.


Rose laughed and the Doctor smiled, loving the musical sound of it.

So that's what the Doctor does in order to cheer me up. He and I have such a great rapport. More deeper than I've ever had with any person. All this death and devastation going on and we can still laugh at things. That's what I love about momomomomomomomom

Rose looked at the Doctor who was now bent over the sofa typing M and O into the blog repeatedly.


"TO THE AUCTION BLOCK WITH YA!" Rose yelled at him.

"What? How dare you threaten me with the same punishment you might receive! Wet noodle for you now!"

Rose laughed when the Doctor tickled her armpits and gave her a wet sloppy kiss on the cheek before he ran giggling from the room. Rose wiped the slobber off her cheek and chuckled as she turned back to her laptop and erased the Doctor's handiwork from her blog.

Back                         Home                              Doctor Who Main Page                          Next

Your Name or Alias:      Your E-mail (optional):

Please type your review below. Only positive reviews will be posted! Constructive criticism will e-mailed to the author.