Chapter Twenty Four

I love the Doctor dearly but sometimes I want to kick him up the backside. You see, the Doctor loves when I act all naive and get things wrong and look like a fool. And then on top of it, he takes advantage of my cluelessness and has a laugh at my expense.

Earlier this morning, I went to the warddrobe room to see if they had any interesting clothes since I was a bit bored with the ones I owned. I was looking through the clothes and found this white t-shirt with black trim on the sleeves and the collar. On the front was some of that circular writing that I've seen on the Doctor's monitor, the sort of thing he never translates for me. But I thought the whole circular writing was cool so I decided to wear it for the day.

I shoulda known something was amiss when I went into the console room to ask the Doctor what we were doing for the day. The Doctor saw my t-shirt and stared long and hard at it for a moment before he smiled at me.

" want to go somewhere, eh?" he said to me.

"Yes, I'm bored and i'm dying to go somewhere new," I said.

Now I could see the Doctor was trying to hide a grin but I figured it was because he thought of somewhere brilliant to go and wasn't trying to show his excitement. He does that sometimes. Acts all casual about going somewhere exciting when inside, he's just dying to show it to me. Little did I know...

The Tardis stopped and the Doctor gestured towards the door.

"Here ya go, enjoy," he said to her.

"You're not going first?"

"No, have a go at it, i'll follow behind ya."

Rose shrugged and walked to the door. She opened it and stepped out into...

"A morgue?" Rose said, looking around at the dead bodies lying covered on metal tables. "Why did you bring me to a morgue?" she said when the Doctor stepped out behind her and shut the door.

"I wanted you to have a go," he said.

"Have a go at what?" Rose said.

"The dead bodies."

Rose made a face as the Doctor leaned against the closed TARDIS door and folded his arms over his chest.

"You seriously believe I'm gonna shag corpses?" she said to him.

"Rose, do you know what the Gallifreyan writing says on your t-shirt?"

Rose shifted uneasily and shook her head. The Doctor smirked.

"It says I'm a necrophiliac," he said smugly.

"It does not," Rose said when the Doctor sniggered.

"Well...that's a very rough translation, mind. But yeah, you're telling everyone who can read it that you fancy bonking the dead. So here we are, Rose. Your pleasure paradise. Enjoy!"

"Doctor..." Rose said.

She trailed off and reddened when the Doctor sniggered.

"In future, it would probably be helpful to ask me for a translation of anything Gallifreyan you wish to wear," he said.

"Well, why do you even have something that says I'm a necrophiliac on it?" Rose retorted.

"Don't know. Although, i suspect the TARDIS put it there for this very purpose. She has a weird sense of humor. She probably was hoping someone would find that and put it on without thinking about what it might say. And lo and behold, you did! She probably got a huge giggle out of it as well."

Needless to say, i was mortified. I don't know for sure if the t-shirt really said that but I've learned my lesson. Ask before you wear something, especially something Gallifreyan.

"Good advice."

Rose started when she heard the Doctor say that and looked over her shoulder. The Doctor was standing behind the sofa, peering over her shoulder and reading what she was writing.

"Just checking to see if you wrote any more meany mean things about me," he said.

He opened his jacket and Rose stared at white t-shirt under it with more Gallifreyan writing on it.

"Asked the TARDIS to make this for me. It says, I love women who are into necrophilia. Now you can wear your t-shirt and we'll match each other."

"Oh, piss off, Doctor!"

The Doctor patted her head.

"No meany mean things about me in that blog of yours," he said over his shoulder as he walked off. "I'll be watching."

"Yeah, yeah," Rose said, rolling her eyes as she turned her attention back to her laptop.

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