Chapter Twenty Five

I was talking about how the Doctor loves a prank in my other post. It's true. The man tries to get me to fall for whatever tall tale and story pops into his head. I'm not talking about when he talked about meeting so-and-so somewhere or he invented this or that. I'm talking about when we're alone and he tries to make me believe he's done something to see if I'm the git that buys it hook, line and sinker.

Another case in point…last night I was exploring the TARDIS and found an old Nintendo game system in one of the cupboards along with a box full of games. I hadn't played Nintendo in ages and took everything to the lounge and hooked it up to the telly. I was busy playing Super Mario Brothers when the Git walked in…

"Rose? Is that you?"

Rose paused her game and looked at the Doctor when he came into the room. His eyes were bulging and he looked a bit confused.

"Doctor? What's wrong?"

"I need help!" he said, stumbling over to her.

"What's wrong?" Rose said, panicked.

"I did something I shouldn't. My curiosity got the better of me and I took LSD."

"What?" Rose said. "You took LSD?"

"Oh my God, there's an echo in here and she's feminine," the Doctor said, looking around.

He started walking around in a circle and then began to giggle insanely as he walked around and around, faster and faster.

"The room is spinning!" he said in a high-pitched voice. "It's just like a funfair ride!"

"Doctor," Rose said, leaping up and stopping him. "Doctor, how much LSD did you take?"

The Doctor didn't answer. He stared at Rose in wonder.

"Rose, your lips are moving right off your face while you're talking," he said. "They're over here now," he said, pointing to the air beside her face. "How are you doing that?"

"Doctor, how much LSD did you take?"

"Enough to make your lips move off your face apparently," the Doctor said, staring at the air beside her face with wide eyes. "How do you make the lips talk when they're over here. Is it a telepathic connection?"

"Doctor, my lips are still on my face. You're high," Rose said.

The Doctor paused, his eyes bulging.

"Hey, I can hear mice," he said, looking around. "They're squeaking and stamping around. Do we even have mice in here?"

"Doctor, how much LSD did you take?" Rose said impatiently as she tugged at his arm.

The Doctor turned his attention back to her and staggered back.

"Now your eyes have joined your lips," he said, pointing to the air. "It's like that time your face was sucked off your body, except your nose is still there. Freaky!"

"Doctor, just sit down and wait till the LSD wears off," Rose said as she tugged on his arm.

She sat down but the Doctor continued to stare at the air.

"Wow, now your lips and mouth are still here but you're sitting on the sofa. Freaky deaky," he said.

Rose gave up and decided to go back to her video game since he didn't seem to be in danger of dying. She resumed her game and relaxed but she nearly jumped out of her skin when the Doctor shrieked. She looked over her shoulder. The Doctor was now cowering behind a nearby chair.

"Mario is chasing me!" he said, pointing a qavering finger at the TV. "He's taunting me with that bloop bloop music and ding ding sounds he's making."

"Doctor, he's not chasing you, just calm down," Rose said over her shoulder.

"Bloop bloop bloopidy bloop, that music is tormenting me and driving me insane. And your eyes and mouth are flying around me now," the Doctor said fearfully. "How are you doing that? I had no idea your body parts could operate independently of your face."

"It's all in your mind, love," Rose said, her eyes on the telly while she played her game.

"All in my mind? I'm imagining all this then?"

"Yup," Rose said without looking back at him.

She played her game and the room fell silent except for the electronic music and sound effects. The Doctor didn't say anything more and Rose thought he calmed down. Then suddenly, the Doctor walked in front of her and her eyes bulged. Now the Doctor was dressed in nothing except white y-fronts. He was slowly walking around, looking at the room in amazement. He stopped between Rose and telly with his backside to her. Rose made a face when he started scratching his bum and then suddenly put his hand down his undies for a closer scratch.

"Doctor, would you please go somewhere else and do that?" Rose said, averting her eyes while his hand was inside the underwear mine searching for gold.

"Hm?" the Doctor said, turning around with his hand still down his undies. "Did you say something?" he said as he resume scratching.

"Go somewhere and scratch your bum, please? That's disgusting."

The Doctor froze.

"My hand's down my smalls?" he said to her.

Rose nodded.

He jerked his hand out and stared at it. He inspected his hand and then slowly brought his fingertips to his nose. Rose made a face when he sniffed his fingertips. She made a face when he opened his mouth and his tongue slowly snaked out towards his fingers. Tiring of him, she threw the game controller on the sofa and with an exasperated sigh, got up. She walked towards the door, intending to leave but she froze when she heard the Doctor giggling behind her. Shaking her head, she resumed her exasperated walk to the door and then suddenly, she felt the Doctor grab her from behind.

"Wait, it was a joke," he said to her.

Rose looked at him and noticed the bemused look on his face.

"You're far too easy to fool," he said.

"You arse!" Rose said while the Doctor chuckled. "Oooh, one of these days, Doctor. I'm gonna get you back!"

"You say that but I've yet to see it happen," the Doctor said, holding her close. "But it was fun watching you react to my LSD freakout."

Rose looked down at the fingers that had been down his bum and made a face.

"Um…could you go clean your hands, please?" she said, pointing to the fingers.

"Ah yes, sorry," the Doctor said, dropping his hands to his sides. "I will do just that. Go back to playing Mario…where did you find that anyway? I forget I had a Nintendo. Wonder what else I have in here then? I'll have to catalogue my stuff someday but for the moment…I shall leave you in peace."

So that's it, the day the Doctor had an acid trip. Actually, I'm scared to find out what would happen if he really did take acid. I'm thinking the universe would be in serious trouble because the boy would be running amok after that.

"There you go again, writing meany mean things about me."

Rose sighed when she realized that the Doctor had snuck up behind the sofa again and was reading over her shoulder. Pointedly, she began to type again, knowing full well he was reading what she was writing.

One other thing, the Doctor has an extremely small penis. He had absolutely no bulge in his smalls when he was parading around and scratching his arse like a baboon. No wonder he picks women up and takes them around the universe. He desperately needs to make an erection so he can find out if his stiffie works or not. But I'm sure even if he did, he wouldn't notice since a mosquito's penis is jumbo compared to his shriveled up raisin.

She grinned when she heard a whoomp the moment the Doctor plounced down beside her on the sofa. She allowed him to swipe the laptop and put it on his lap. She leaned in while he wrote under her entry.

Rose is jealous of what I have. She wishes she had it night and day but she has to put up with Mickey's pathetic excuse for a willy. Course that's why she rushed into my arms the moment I offered the universe to her. I would too after seeing the gnat sized John Thomas her boyfriend had. Course that would probably suit Rose since I'm sure the vaginal area on her person is just as miniscule. Her little chav fanny wouldn't satisfy…

Rose looked at him when he paused in his typing to think.

"Wouldn't satisfy what, Doctor?" she said.

"Thinking," the Doctor said. "Ah…" he said and resumed typing while Rose watched.

Well, it wouldn't satisfy a nano-atom quark molecule thing that was incredibly horny and needed some. And woe to the person who has a normal sized penis because they'd have to cram it up inside there with a prybar.

"Finished?" Rose said sweetly when the Doctor paused for thought.

No, I'm not finished, he typed. I am thinking which is more than your ape brain can do. In fact, if it thinks for more than once per day, it'll explode from overuse. Okay, here's a nugget of wisdom for you. I have better hair than Mickey boy. My hair could win awards while your boyfriends hair could win…boos. Yes, see what I did there. I'm brilliant and you stand in awe of that, Rose Tyler. So quick saying meany mean things about me or I'll put poo on my fingers and smash them into your little ape face! The Oncoming Storm has spoken!

"Finished?" Rose said when the Doctor put the laptop back on the coffee table.

"Heed my words," the Doctor said, sticking his finger in her face. "I know how to hack into your blog and the moment you say mean things about me, you get poo up your nose."

"What was that then?" Rose said, pointing to his entry. "My vagina's so small, you need a prybar to get into it? Isn't that meany mean?"

"I was defending myself and venting my anger in a constructive manner. It saves me putting my fist in your face," the Doctor said haughtily.

"Piss off, Doctor."

"Just remember, I will be watching you and your blog entries!" the Doctor said, wagging his finger in her face.

"Yeah, go scratch your bum a bit more, Git Master," Rose muttered when the Doctor stood up and strode towards the lounge door.

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