Chapter Twenty Seven

The Doctor stood at his console, staring at his monitor. He knew Rose was at this very moment in the lounge, entering another thing in her blog.

"Meany mean Rose, writing bad things about me," he muttered. "Well, we'll see about that. TARDIS, patch into her computer and show me what she's writing," he said, pointing to his monitor.

There was a moment of silence and then his screen was replaced by Rose's computer screen. The Doctor leaned in to read what she was writing.

"We tasted this exotic alien fruit," he muttered while he read what she was currently typing. "It was delicious, like strawberries. I had to have six of them."

The Doctor chuckled as he pulled a keyboard out from under the monitor.

That's because you're a big fat cow, he typed into her blog entry.


Rose paused and stared at her screen. She was writing and suddenly, "That's because you're a big fat cow," appeared directly after what she wrote. She leaned up and looked over her shoulder but the Doctor was nowhere in sight.

"Doctor?" she called out. "That better not be you!"

She backspaced over the foreign entry and deleted it before she continued writing.

After that, we went on a moonlit stroll through some trees that were lit by fireflies.

Which incidentally, have a bigger vagina than you do and probably don't need a prybar for access.

Rose blinked in shock when the above statement suddenly appeared after her entry. She growled and looked around the room.

"Doctor, wherever the hell you're hiding, show yourself!" she growled.

There was no response and Rose got up and began to look for him herself. Unbeknownst to her, the TARDIS was showing the Doctor in the console room a holographic image of what she was doing so he could react accordingly. So when Rose finally looked at her monitor again, she froze when she saw…

My name is not the Doctor, I am Basil.

"Yeah, sure you are, Doctor," Rose muttered to herself. "Doctor, show yourself before I pull you in here and beat you senseless.

My name is Basil.

Rose paused when she saw that being written on her monitor.

"Okay…Basil, who are ya when you're at home?" she said aloud.

I am a spirit trapped within the TARDIS.

"Sure you are. Doctor! Show yourself!" Rose screamed.

She shut up when a holographic image appeared in front of her face. She saw the Doctor sitting on the jump seat in his console room, casually reading a magazine and relaxing.

"Oh yeah, we'll see about that!" Rose said before leaving the room.

The Doctor quickly shut off his monitor and hurried to the jump seat when the TARDIS showed Rose leaving the room. The TARDIS had sent her a false image of the Doctor reading a magazine at his request but when it didn't work, his ship gave him a real magazine to read and he picked it up and assumed the same relaxed position he had in the false holographic image. So by the time Rose entered the room, he was relaxing and reading his magazine. She stood there, staring at him while he calmly turned the page in his magazine. She turned and walked out of the room while the Doctor sniggered to himself. Once she was gone, he threw the magazine aside and quickly typed something into her blog before Rose got back to the lounge.


When Rose got back to her laptop, she paused when she noticed something else had been written into her blog.

Are you there? I need help! This is Basil, where am I?"

"Okay, I'll play this game," Rose muttered as she sat down in front of her laptop. "Okay, Basil, what's wrong?"

I was trying to connect to the Wifi and I clicked on this weird group of symbols and now I don't know where I am. Help me!

Rose sighed.

"You're in the console room, Doctor," she said.

I'm where? What's the console room? Please help me; I don't know where I am!

"You're in Narnia, Basil. Go towards the lamppost," Rose said. "Find Mister Tumnus."

Listen, you slag, I'm not joking here! I really am lost!

"And I'm bored and want my blog back. I was typing before you interrupted me."

I need your help, you fat cow!

"Oh? Well, I don't respond to slag or fat cow when people ask me for help," Rose said mildly.

I'm sorry, I really am. I'm under a lot of stress here.

"Well, I expect a bit more politeness when you ask me for help," Rose said.

Please help me; I don't know where I am. But I know for sure it's not Narnia.

Rose rolled her eyes. She got up and left the room again. When she entered the console room, the Doctor was sitting on the jump seat, still reading the magazine. This time, Rose walked over to him. The Doctor looked up and smiled warmly at her. Rose stood in front of him and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Something the matter?" the Doctor said.

"Yeah…Basil…something's the matter," she said.

"Basil, why are you calling me that?" the Doctor said, frowning.

"Because you hacked into my blog account again and you're typing stupid things into it."

"Not me, I'm reading a magazine. I had no idea you were doing that. But you better not be saying meany mean things about me again."

"Leave me and my blog alone, that's my first and final warning."

"I'm not harassing you and your blog, Tyler. I'm reading a magazine and relaxing. The universe doesn't revolve around you, you know!" the Doctor said angrily.

"Then who is Basil?"

"Um…Basil Brush, that Basil?"

"No, some bloke called Basil who is supposedly trapped inside my computer or something like that. He called me a slag and a fat cow because I told him to go to Narnia and ask Mister Tumnus for help."

"Well…you have to admit that was a bit rude to say to the poor chap. What if he really is trapped?"

"Come off it, he's you," Rose said. "I'm not that thick."

"How could I see you? I'm up here and you're back there!"

"You can see me, I'm sure the TARDIS has CCTV in here," Rose said.

"I would never do that. I trust my companions implicitly. Unless you've been nicking things, have you been nicking things around here?"


"Well, then, I have no need of CCTV then," the Doctor said. "You're awfully paranoid, Rose. You need to relax."

"Uh-huh, you better not let me catch you hacking into my blog, got that? Because if I find you doing it, you're gonna be sorry!"

The Doctor smirked when Rose turned and left the room again.

"Ooo, yeah, I'm sooooo scared, Tyler," he said as he picked up his magazine and found the last article he was reading.

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