Chapter Twenty Nine

Okay, now the Doctor's done it! I was gone half the day visiting mum and while I was away, the Doctor hacked into my blog account and put another stupid post for me to read. I left it intact below because it's too good not to save but at the moment I'm trying to find the Doctor. He's hiding because he knows I'm going to kick his arse when I find him. Anyway, here is what the git left for me...

Ah, another chance to leave something entertaining for Rose Tyler now that's she's gone to visit Leatherface, otherwise known as Jackie. I'm risking certain death and regeneration by doing this, I've never been one to back away from certain death. Anyway, for your entertainment, Rosy Posy...the saga of me and the Dalek...

So you might think I'm daft for thinking this but I was sitting around thinking about Daleks and all the things they've tried to do to me and I was trying to come up with new ideas for things they might do to me and I hit upon the idea of being impregnated by a Dalek. You know, kind of like being a Dalek brood mare.

Then I thought about how that might be accomplished since I have no womb. Then I realized…it could be like the Alien film where the face hugger thing rams the ovipositor down the throat and lays the eggs in the stomach. So I imagined being chained to a wall while a Dalek slowly opened up in front of me and suddenly the squid thing leaps out, attaches itself to my face and rams an ovipositor down my throat. I'm left to languish for a few days and hey, presto, a Dalek baby emerges from yours truly.

Then I thought about what that would look like. Imagine it, Rose. A teeny tiny baby Dalek in little battle armor gliding around while it squeaks out exterminate. It's a cute image, yeah? Perhaps I could have the TARDIS make baby Dalek plushies and we could flog them around London when we're there. Then we could make some money for chips! See, I'm such a genius sometimes it scares me.

But that's what I'm thinking of at the moment, my Rose. Now mind you, impregnation by Daleks is pretty horrible but that's nothing compared to the horrors of being gang raped by Yetis. I know you don't know what those are and be thankful for that. It would be a nightmare drowning in all that fur. Yup, I do think up the oddest things when I'm bored and alone.

Well, I suppose I'll go to the toilet and take a shit now so enjoy your blog.

P.S. Don't say anything bad about me in it.

Toodle loo, Kangaroo!

Needless to say I'm on a full scale hunt for the Doctor at the moment, I only paused to write this down while I catch my breath. I'm sure the TARDIS is hiding the twat somewhere but rest assured I will find him and when I do, I'll ram my fish down his throat and rip out his stomach. That way he won't have to fear being impregnated by Daleks ever again.

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